A throne best left empty

The youth orchestra I work for has been dying a slow death for years now.  The rapid increase of independent orchestras in the area has been slowly draining our enrollment.  I was actually surprised that we had enough people to make it work this year.  Next year... well, saying it looks grim would be an understatement.  It's pretty much confirmed that unless something changes, there won't be a next year for this group.  One of those changes involves *me* becoming the primary conductor of the top ensemble.

As it turns out, not only is the business manager (who is the only staff member with more seniority than me) retiring at the end of the season, but both the primary conductor of the top ensemble *and* his assistant will be leaving to go work on graduate degrees.  The only remaining founding staff member has become more of a figure head as of late, and no longer makes administrative decisions. That leaves me.  And while they haven't formally asked me to take the reigns... I know it's coming.

I've been on staff with this group for over a decade.  I've travelled around the world with them, and performed in some of the best venues you can find.  And while I've been a true and loyal servant to the organization - I've never quite been management material.  I've helped provide rehearsal space, equipment and performance venues.  Outside of that, I like to show up and conduct.  I have shared the podium of the top ensemble with many people, but I've never been *the* guy, and I've not been part of any of the administrative decisions.  And now, it falls to me to be the torch bearer.  That is - if the organization is to survive.

The problem is, I don't really see survival in the cards.  Extinction, after all, is a naturally occurring event.  Trying to keep the organization alive would require me to give it far more attention than I can afford, especially now that Principal Janeway is expecting me to take my program at New Republic High School to the next level.  And to be sure, I have a very clear understanding that my primary commitment is to NRHS.  The other problem is that I can *not* take any more time away from my family.... not if I want to stay married.

Are there reasons to go through with it?  Sure.  I like the extra cash, and I'd like the opportunity to work on repertoire more advanced than what I can do at NRHS.  Also, a lot of the existing members will probably want to continue.

This is really a no-brainer - I'm just thinking out loud to prepare myself for the inevitable "no" that I'm going to have to give at the end of the season.