Llama of the Week

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The Best Thing I Heard All Day.....

Saxophone Player: Mr Maestro?

Me: Yeah?

Saxophone Player: Why do they call them "accidentals?"

Me: I don't know.

Saxophone Player: It seems to me they're doing it to us on purpose!

I am a Failure

I just realized it... I am a waste of the taxpayers dollars spent on years of my education. I am basing this statement, of course, on my current principal's caste-system division of students. I was never really an AP or an Honors level kid, not from lack of intelligence, mind you... more from a lack of drive and discipline. I was an "A" kid with a "C" motivation at best. Let's compare my own high school performance with that of Palpatine's standards:

High School GPA: 2.7 Not even considered moderately average in this school (even before Palpatine) A solid slacker.

SAT Score: First try - 1010 Second Try - 1180 Barely acceptable by mid-level colleges. UC System and Ivy League wouldn't even give me the time of day.

No High School Diploma - G.E.D. My mom realized what was going on an fuigured there was no reason to keep me in high school for another year. She had me take the California High School Proficiency Exam after my junior year. Probably the main reason why UC didn't want me.

Two years at Community College: And we all know that CC is for all you folks who want to barely avoid a career that entails a name tag and a hair net.

Six years at a State School: And we all know that state schools are barely a cut above the CC's. Furthermore: what was I doing aimlessy wandering in and out of majors (and extra-curricular activities) when I should have been focused towards a goal of matriculation, graduation and entering the work force?

Masters degree - Also Obtained from a State School. I just never learn.

And probably the worst of all: I wasted my time in music when I could have been in a sport.... something that would have done much more for me in the way of getting me into a better college.

There are only two things that keep me from being a complete disgrace: 1) My dicipline record was pretty clean - no drugs or trouble with the law. 2) Despite my academic apathy, I actually tested very well. My standardized test scores were usually up in the top %15 of my class. That's probably what frustrated my teachers the most.

Thus, I would probably fit right in at the bottom half of what my principal refers to as "The Middle 40" I find this fact very poigniant, simply because it means that if I were a student today in the same school that I am currently working at, I would be exactly the kind of student that Palpatine thinks should be in marching band. Maybe that's part of the reason why I get so offended at her statements about the "middle 40" kids... because she's talking about me too!

Now, I'm sure that those of you who know me realize that you do not need to rescue me from this. I do not, in fact, consider myself a failure. All of these benchmarks that I discussed do not in the least describe my value as a human being. They may have said something about the kind of student that I was... and indeed, it was not in my future to cure cancer, develop the means to clean abundant energy, lead the country, nor head up the next great mega-corporation.

But see, once I decided that I wanted to be a music teacher... well, there's no equivalent way to judge the success of that (1). My indications of my worth come in the form of testaments that people have given me, telling me what influence I've had in their lives.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that when you compare lifetime achievements, Palpatine will most likely have racked up far more accolades on paper. But the one thing I'll have over Palpatine by an incalculable degree is the number of people who can point to me and say "My life was better because of him." Now tell me that something like that isn't going to be infinitely more comforting to me when it is time for me to leave this world.



(1) Okay that's not true. There is. Music teachers have their own world of politics and beuracracy that evolve around competitions and festival scores and all sorts of things that... well I consider most of it to be just another form of bullshit. That's something for another post, though. Trust me, it's coming.

Llama of the Week (and then some)

The monkey gave me trouble... had to look up some images on the web.


I sometimes get some very humbling gifts. I don't mean like cards and certificates (1), I mean the personalized stuff... like the one student's dad who made me a light-saber conducting baton (complete with interchangeable color filters... so I can adjust for my mood):













And today, one of the Saturday orchestra kids brought me a little stuffed Llama made with real Llama wool:














Sometimes I need to slow down a bit and appreciate the people I've surrounded myself with.


(1) Although in this town, it isn't unheard of to get the $100-200 gift certificate for the local high-brow shopping mall. My last school wasn't anywhere near as affluent, but they were certainly not lacking in generosity. One kid's mom baked me a pumpkin pie spiked with an entire bottle of whiskey.

Renewed

I'm a little amazed at how much that day off helped me... not just physically, emotionally and spiritually as well. This morning I drove to work with an optimism that I haven't had in quite some time. It feels like I've been caught in a sort of vicious cycle fueled by poor time management and lack of sleep. I didn't feel I was getting enough done, and with the end-of-the-year projects closing in... my stress level just kept building exponentially.

I think my body finally stepped in and said "Enough! You're going to take a day, back off and get some perspective whether you like it or not!"

Here's the weird thing: The last couple of nights, my dreams have been really intense. I can't quite remember what they were, but you know that feeling when you wake up and it takes a second to reorient yourself because your mind basically wandered to the far reaches of the universe during the last few hours. Also, I had the sensation of really old memories being dug up and reprocessed. Whatever was going on... my brain was working overtime. I'm guessing it may be part of the reason why today I feel so.... refreshed. It's as if a whole bunch of stuff got moved from the mental "in" box to the "out" box.

Well, I'm going to stop bloggin now and take advantage of this productivity while it lasts.

Never Waste a "Sick Day" Being Sick....

... or at least that's what I was told.

Actually, I'm not one to take many "mental health days." If I were to cash in on all my unused sick days from the last decade, I can probably give myself a nice 4-month summer vacation. I go so long in between periods of using the automated sub-finder phone system that I forget how to use it. To be sure, I am more likely to show up to work when I am sick than to take the day off when I'm not. You teacher's know what I'm talking about... when you're out, you worry more about what's going on in your absence. It's actually harder on your system than if you just sucked it up and trudge through the day.

Today I called in. It was legit. Yesterday I felt like utter crap, and decided to give myself a day of rest. So here I am... trying not to look at the clock and think "Okay... third period is just starting."

My confession: I left no sub plans. Nada. I figured... the classes are smart enough to figure it out. And if they aren't there's always the default plan.

So... I think it's about time for another nap, then watch a little more TV myself.

THIS WEEK's Llama of the Week

I sooooooo lament not being able to write: "I'm tired of these ****** llamas on this ****** plane!"

LAST WEEK's Llama of the Week

I was slacking... sorry.....

Why do we even bother?

Part of me wishes that I was old enough to enjoy the life-time credential they used to issue. Alas, I must go through the hassle of renewing my clear credential every 5 years or so... This year I saw the notice on my expiring credential back in October '07. I figured... heck... I still have a few months to think about it (1)

Fortunately, that thought resurfaced just a couple weeks ago (my credential expires in June). I kind of wished that I had remembered to look into it in March; the CCTC isn't the fastest organization in the world when it comes to processing paperwork (2). I did, however have a couple of things working for me:

A) I know that the process of proving that you've done X hours of professional development has been replaced by a sort of honor system. ..... riiiiiiiiiggghhht :-)

B) The process has gone on-line.

So, last week I logged on to the CCTC site and with a couple of clicks and a credit card number, I was renewed. (3) Just like that.

Now... there's a classic "Be careful what you wish for" moment upon me: If they're going to force us to renew the credential, can we make it meaningful? Otherwise, just be up-front about it and say "Hey, we're going to gouge you for $55 every five years.... just FYI." Honestly, I think I'd prefer that to a false pretense that they're checking to make sure that we're keeping our teaching methods sharp and focused.(4)

Okay, you know what?.... I'm just going to shut up, wait for my certificates to come in the mail, turn them in and be happy.


1) You all remember how that sort of thinking got me in trouble with my CLAD?

2) Speaking of CLAD, I filed for it in February, and just got the confirmation of the credential yesterday.

3) Extra geek points if any of you can tell me where that screen shot comes from ;-)

4) Rest assured, I have.

A Meme is a Terrible Thing to Waste

Here goes:

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player then tags 5-6 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know they've been tagged and asking them to read your blog.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you've posted your answer.

1) What was I doing 10 years ago?

10 years ago I was getting ready to marry my college sweetheart and move to a new town... and um... get a new job. I was finishing up a 4-year stretch at my last school (my first teaching job). At the time, I was pretty demoralized. Things hadn't been going too well, and I wasn't sure I was right for the teaching profession.

I didn't want to go "lame duck" so I organized a big over-night trip that included a parade competition and a day at Magic Mountain for the band kids. It went surprisingly well. It was my last good memory from that school.

I was about 30 pounds lighter... at least.

2) What are 5 things on my to-do list for today (not in any particular order):

1. Clean the office (phht, yeah right)
2. Turn in the concert donation money that's been sitting in the lock-box.
3. Send music dept. e-mail announcements to parents and students.
4. Start watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (Extended Edition)
5. Call my sister

3) Snacks I enjoy: Butter-snap pretzels. Chocolate chip cookies. (Well, anything chocolate) Um... anything in the kitchen that doesn't take over 5 minutes to prepare.

4) Things I would do if I were a billionaire: Sleep in. Collect musical instruments. Build myself the world's most intense home theater system. Upgrade to a new computer every 2 hours. Buy my wife something nice.... like an island. Donate a bunch of money to the local opera and symphony, so that I got great seats and a chance to meet all the big-time celebrity performers.

5) Three of my bad habits: Procrastination, putting empty containers back in the refrigerator. Having absolutely no reservation about eating the last hors d'oeurve.

6) 5 places I have lived:

1. Marion, OH (I kind of miss having four seasons.... and fireflies, I miss firelies)
2. El Centro, CA (Hot, dry and smells like fertilizer)
3. San Bernardino, CA (Just like El Centro, but bigger!)
4. Yucaipa, CA (Just like El Centro but... ummm... no "but.")
5. Fountain Valley, CA (Neither a valley, nor does it have an abnormally large collection of fountains. Still a nice place to live.)

7) 5 jobs I have had:

1. Camp Counselor (In a way, I never stopped being one)
2. Local TV Station Intern (Goooood times!)
3. University Campus Tour Guide (more goooood times!)
4. High School Teacher (Taaa daaaaaaaaaaa!!!!)
5. Resident Assistant (man, do I have stories.)


Tag? Who am I going to tag that opk didn't already hit? Let me think about that one.

*Edit*

Okay, I'm double tagging q6 and dr. psych. midwest teacher (although someone obviously got to you first, darn it.) hmmm... maybe romy has time to waste....

...And All Will Fade To Silver Glass...

This last weekend, the director of the youth orchestra I work for asked if I would lead one of the younger groups in a watered-down arrangement of music from "Return of the King." I'm a big fan of the movie, so I agreed. It was supposed to be simple: melodies from the movie with all the hard stuff taken out. I pulled it out and started rehearsing it... mostly "music to kill orcs by." Then we got to the part of the medley that featured the song Into the West. That's where I lost it.

Three years ago, Into the West was the "goodbye" song that I used to close out my end-of-the-year choral concert... and more specifically, say goodbye to my graduating seniors. You have to understand: I work at a 7-12 school... so I get to know the kids very well... 6 years in some cases. This means I can be kind of a wreck at graduation. The melody of this song brings me back to a moment standing on that stage where I can barely see the stand in front of me because I have tears welling up in my eyes. And I remember every face that was looking back at me... *Sigh* They don't tell you about this part of teaching... how you grow to love them, and then they leave. Every last one of them.

So yeah.... I had to stop and gather myself And these sweet orchestra kids... looking at me and wondering what was wrong. They had never seen me as anything but cheerful and silly... I didn't know how to explain it to them. Part of me wanted to say: "You know in the movie, when Frodo and Gandalf leave at the end... and they're saying their goodbyes... and everyone's crying because they're overwhelmed by the fact that their friendships are being concentrated into a single meaningful moment? Well, every year I have moments like that with my seniors, and this song reminds me of one of them." Maybe I should have. It's simple enough for a child to understand.

Phht.

...silly little song from a movie.... It's not like it was Beethoven's 9th, or the Barber Adagio. And yet what power it wields.

From Immortal Beloved:

Ludwig van Beethoven: What do you think? Music is... a dreadful thing. What is it? I don't understand it. What does it mean?

Anton Felix Schindler: It - it exalts the soul.

Ludwig van Beethoven: Utter nonsense. If you hear a marching band, is your soul exalted? No, you march. If you hear a waltz, you dance. If you hear a mass, you take communion. It is the power of music to carry one directly into the mental state of the composer. The listener has no choice. It is like hypnotism. So, now... What was in my mind when I wrote this? [in reference to "Violin Sonata in A Major, Op. 47" - "Kreutzer"... ] Hmm? A man is trying to reach his lover. His carriage has broken down in the rain. The wheels stuck in the mud. She will only wait so long. This... is the sound of his agitation. "This is how it is... ," the music is saying. "Not how you are used to being. Not how you are used to thinking. But like this."