Here, you probably want your knife back.... sorry about my blood all over it.

The more I talk to people behind the scenes, the clearer picture I get about Palpatine's perception of our music program. One set of music parents went in to have a meeting with her, to discuss why it seems to be so hard to enroll their kid in the program: last year the compute booted their kid out of band three times and this year, band wan't even an option on the 8th grade elective list. Apparently Palpatine did some grade-A butt kissing. But in a "side" conversation, the status of the program was brought up... and it seems that my name was thrown out as a "cause" of the program's woes. Immediately, these people jumped to my defense. These people know me very well; their older daughter graduated from *MY SCHOOL* two years ago, after having been one of my students for her entire high school career. In fact, they told Palpatine how beneficial the music department had been for the older child... how it gave her so many things to help her grow. And to this, Palpatine responded "Well, that was before *MY NAME*'s time." Folks, I'd been at *MY SCHOOL* for a good four years by the time the older duaghter had arrived! They corrected her on this as well.

So there it is, Palpatine has no concept of *MY SCHOOL* before her arrival. She doesn't even know how long I've been here, nor what impact I've really had on the department or the school for that matter. She honestly thinks that the department has been in a downslide since I've been here... that things were better before. And given that Weasel seems to have her trust (something suggested by an unamed staff member just this afternoon)... it is no surprise that her perception of me is thus.

Ordinarily, developments with Palpatine send me home feeling bad about myself. Today I went home pissed. With just a few mouse clicks, I can remedy that with an SOS out to every alum from the last nine years, particularly the ones who were around in 1998.... and before... I can bring in testimony from the former music teachers at *MY SCHOOL*. Something inside me is telling me to wait a while longer.... but soon perhaps.

Still, I am angered by what has become apparent: If someone asks why our program is so small, it seems that she is pointing the blame at me.

D-Day

So today is concert day. This a special concert... one aimed at recruitment. We sent out flyers to the elementary schools and spammed every e-mail box we could get access to. Come see us! Send your kids here! Lets put a trumpet in their hands!

It occured to me this morning that the results oif this event may be tied with my livelihood. That hasn't happened since my undergrad senior recital.

But several things happened today that I did not expect: When I got to school this morning, I found that the assistant principle had used the school's phone announcement system to publicize our concert. Not only that, several students throughout the day went out of their wau to help me prepare the rooms and make the displays for (I hope) the visiting families.

And so... at the 11th hour.... a horn sounds in the deep, and Theoden realizes that the elves have arrived at the Hornburg. It is a most welcome site, but still on his mind are the 10,000 orcs that march on his gates.

And so it begins.

I couldn't help it.... I didn't really want to look... that's not true, I did want to look. I've been browsing the SCSBOA (Southern California School Band and Orhestra Association) web site for jobs. Nothing looks even remotely interesting. Nothing even in my county.

But then I looked at CMEA's site. And there sitting pretty-as-you-please is a job posting that looks tailor-made for me. Only one problem: it's a private school. Last I checked, they didn't pay so well (let's not forget kids that I'm trying to start a family.... and I just bought my wife a Lexus.)

But the thought of driving to work happy is.... appealing. I'm going to at least call.

*Edit*

After looking at the school's web site, it doesn't seem quite so ideal. Catholic all-boys school. Looks like it would be one performing group (band) and a bunch of "appreciation" classes. Also, it looks like they march.... which may not be so bad, it depends on whether or not they compete.

I'm not so sure about removing the estrogen factor from my daily life. It might feel like joining the Navy or something. And I'd have to kiss my jeans-wearing days goodbye (Eh. I did the Catholic school thing before. Whatever.

Resisting the dark side...

I guess, keeping with the Star Wars theme I ought to re-name Weasle something appropriate... something with "Darth" in the title.

Incidentally, there's a runnning joke on the web about Sith names: It seems people believe that "darth" is a substitute for "in." Being that Dath Vader and Darth Sidious could be re-interpreted as Insidious and Invader. Of course, not every Sith name cooperates (Inmaul just makes no sense) but the possibilities abound: Darth Cognito, Darth Competent, Darth Flatable and my personal favorite.... Mother Darth Law

Anyway, it seems that every time I make an address to the class, Weasle makes editorial comments to people on the side. For example, today I tell the Jazz group (where most of the student trouble is centered) that the program isn't "dying"... it just never recovered from the tragedy two decades ago that left the entire music program under a single teacher. Weasle later tells people that I'm just shifting the blame.

It was enough to make my blood boil for... about fourty minutes. Then I remembered my Yoda: "Let go of your anger, anger leads to the dark side." And sure enough, after I relaxed and let the thought expel, I was grateful for the teachgings of Master Yoda. It seems as if every bad decision I've made in reacting to a student has stemmed from responding to them in the heat of the moment. Indeed.... fear - anger - hate - suffering. I resisted, this time.

I'm going to go try and move a rock with my mind, now.

Rebel base on Hoth is routed!

I can't remember if I blogged this already or not, I think I may have.

The youth orchestra that I've been working for the last four years... the one that has been meeting at my school on saturday mornings... has to relocate. This is because our district has raised the room rental rates well beyond what the orchestra can afford (like $500 a day). They want to keep me on as a staff member which is nice, but I'll miss having the rehearsals here at my school.

While it's not the end of the orchestra, it is very sad for me. I always thought the rooms were.... happy again to have so many musicians, and to have such great repertoire being realized within their walls. With the orchestra leaving... it's a little like... well like the movie Awakenings: The patients go back to a comatose state after a brief, joyous return to life.

The orchestra manager asked me if we could make an appeal to the principal to support our casue. I looked her as if she'd asked me to approach the KKK about making a donation to the NAACP.

This year I've actually been trying to keep my involvement with the youth orchestra on the down-low. Not that I think Palpatine has an interest, one way or another, about them using our facilities... but I think Palpy would have found a way to boot them out if it was thought that it would free up my time for... what the Imperial pleasure would have me do.

And recently, Palpatine has also made some mention of what I should be doing with my summers. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a summer music institute that I've been attending for a majority of my life to which I am bound by loyalty until death. I've been contributing to this organization since I was in jr. high... and it is this place that is responsible for me being as music teacher. I'd rather lose a limb than give up my time there. Hell, I even made sure my wife knew before we got married: I'm going to be gone for four weeks every summer.

In any case, my days of working on saturdays in my room until 5 or 6 p.m. are limited. Oh who am I kidding, I'll probably just drive here after rehearsal and do the same thing I've been doing for the last 4 years.

IIIIIIIIIIInteresting!

So today I hear this rumor that AP Music Theory isn't considered an "Art" for the UC system (fulfilling the "f" requirement.) Immediately I high-tail it to the counseling office (breaking my no-Imperial zone oath) and corner one of the counselors to confirm. Turns out that this is not the correct information. One of our counselors (whose husband is a band director, go figure) didn't see the course on a list of approved courses and told people that AP Theory wouldn't count. I was assured by another counselor that it would. I was told to check the UC approved courses on-line to be sure.

The UC site seems kind of... vague. It has a section that lists a handful of "approved" courses (no theory), but I think that those are just examples of courses that have been accepted. There was another page that said that Music Theory was definietly an acceptable course.

The reason this is important is because It was made known to me that there were students who wanted to take the class, but thought it didn't fulfill the art requirement.... so they didn't pursue it *sigh*


I think (hope) that this is an easy fix.... I just may be able to save the Theory class for next year.

But I found something else on the same page that listed theory as "acceptable".... it was a description of music classes that were deemed unacceptable:

a musical group, which performs primarily for sporting events, parades, competitive field events, and/or community/civic activities.

How ya likin' the marching band, now, Palpy?

Who knows how to land this thing?

So yeah, one of the guys who runs HollywoodLostAndFound.net which has the awesome info page on the Wilhelm Scream responded to my last post... pretty cool, huh? (Wonder how he found it... heh heh) The scream is starting to become a joke amongst my students and I... I'll slip it in a listening test during AP Theory (right in the middle of a bach chorale or something.... heh heh.)

Okay, back to the drama...

It's becoming more and more clear how my own little crisis is fitting into the grand scheme of things. Palpatine 's new catch-phrase is "the middle 40" which refers to the percentage of students, not quite the high-end achievers, and not the near-drops-outs, who are just the average every-day bobs and janes. Apparently, palpatine wants to use the entire arts department as a tool for servicing this "middle 40."... and I'm starting to see the true meaning several comments that Palpatine made to me months ago. Things like:

"People think your music department is too elitist!"

Of course! That's my problem! I'm hogging all the "good" students. I need to be opening my doors to the whole school population!

Well, here's a couple of news flashes: 1) I never turn away any student.... high GPA or no, who wants to make music with us. In fact, I don't particularly care where they fall into the newly idntified caste system that we apparently have now... if they want to make music, they are welcome here. What I don't want (and what I think is likely to come) is a situation where we're cramming a bunch of kids who couldn't give a flap about making music into the music classes. That's right, Palpy, we'll make marching bandos out of those pot-heads and emo-goths. It'll change their lives for the better, you'll see. (And for the record, I know theres more to this... slice of the population besides the stoners and the emo kids... in fact, I love my "middle" kids. I just don't call them that.)
2) Am I correct in assuming that we are not going to encourage "high-end" students to explore the arts? (This is the notion that got my department chair steamed) And by the way, are we going to inform these "middle 40" kids that they have a lable. Lets be honest, the arts just have a lower status than math and sciences... hobbies for the rich, careers for the second-classers.

Uh-huh

I need to contact this guy at HollywoodLostandFound and ask him how hard it is to get into the movie sound biz.

E-mail = long range surface to surface missiles

It's official, I'm a damn coward. I have resolved not to traverse the halls of the Imperial palace unless I have confirmation that Palpatine is elsewhere. Of course this doesn't save me from being called in. But it does prevent me from being pulled in on a whim as I'm picking up my mail. Good thing I have student aides.

To this end, I have resorted to communicating with Palpatine through e-mail. The down side is that I'm prone to typos and stuff... and when I'm emotionally charged, I tend to fire off things before checking them. I just sent an important one back to Palpatine, and it has a couple of booboos that require some judgement to make sense out of the line. crap crap crap crap. Of course, it didn't detroy the point of the e-mail, I think Palpatine will understand.

What made today worthwhile: Yesterday I got in a light conversation with students about the Wilhelm Scream, a stock sound effect that has been an inside joke among movie sound editors for decades. It's a destinctive man's scream.... you've probably heard it 30 or 40 times and not known it. It's been in over 150 movies and God knows how many TV shows. Used to be only industry people knew about it, but now it's been made public.

Well, today I get an e-mail from one of the kids in that class linking me to a YoutTube video someone made that is basically a compilation of scenes from a bunch of movies that all use the scream. Put a big smile on my face, it did.

Commrades

This year I've made more of an effort to hang out with my fellow faculty members. Well, maybe saying "made more of an effort" implies that it was a chore... Really, it all sort of happened naturally. During our morning break, I started hanging out in the lounge (usually I just stay in my room)... mostly because of the availability of hot food: Cinnamon pastries, sausage and egg biscuts, and the Egg-McMuffins(tm). I usually have about a half-cup of Starbucks left, and take that over as well.

So, I've become part of the morning break crowd. And in the process of doing that, I've come to appreciate a lot of my colleagues more. Not that I didn't like them before, but I hadn't had that much interaction with many of them. I've discovered a couple of comic-book geek types that I have a lot in common with. I've learned to appreciate a couple of the science-types that I've previously only had e-mail correspondence with. It's also helped me bond with the dance teacher a little more (she and I have been having crisis this year, we've formed a little support group).

Morning break is a happy time, especially on days when we get to talk about TV shows that a majority of us watch. There's also people who frequently bring in things to share, like their laptops with photos, etc.

To understand how meaningful this is tome.... at my last school it was dangerous to go into the faculty lounge. You could feel about a third of your spiritual and emotional energy being sucked away just by touching the door handle. Noting but should-have-retired-a-decade-ago types
complaining about the principal, the kids, the parents.... Made you wonder why they're still in the classroom.

Make no mistake, the faculty I currently serve on has a LOT to complain about these days, but somehow we manage to tell jokes, share pictures and tease each other during break. That does a lot for keeping me going through the day.

Dammit, I like these people. They're good folk, and I'm glad to be one of them.

On the other front: I finally responded to Palpatine's e-mail yesterday. I basically said:

Perhaps I need to get my own facts straight. If my enrollment only justifies two sections, then does it not stand to reason that the others will be discontinued? I have not told anyone that particular classes would be canceeled, but instead informed students and families that a general downsizing of courses offered could occur, based on low enrollment. If this is not the case, I need to know.

That was yesterday, just after lunch. No response so far, and I have a funny feeling I'm not getting one.

I Hope You Dance

Sometimes I make a negative judgement about a student that can last for years. Not to say thaht my reasons for making said judgement are invalid, but sometimes it prevents me from appreciating the complete human. Two cases come to mind. The kid whose parent e-mailed Palpatine in an effort to save the orchestra.... that kid I had written off as a slacker. Now I find out that he's trying to recruit his friends to learn a string instrument.

And then there's this girl in choir. Senior, seemingly disinterested in the world. She usually has a book in her hands, and its difficult to get her to put it down and participate. Socially awkward (probably explains the book), and has a tendancy to react badly to things. I didn't dislike her, per se, but her presence on my roll sheet brings some feeling of discomfort, as it means I have some confrontation management to deal with.

This is my second year with her in my class. The first time was three years ago.... a situation that ended kind of poorly. I had had a few confontations with her, mostly because of her indifference to participate. When she sang, her lips barely moved, and often I caught her reading when she was supposed to be looking at the music. When she didn't come back, it was something of a relief.

This year she's been much better, although she still has her book 24/7. But we've been friendly, and I was even surprised to get a pretty thoughtful Christmas present from her. Still old perceptions die hard, and I found myself reluctant to give her the benefit of the doubt at times.

So why am I telling you this? Because today I finally plugged into my Macbook and started editing some recordings I made from the last three months, including the first semster "choir final" that involved kids singing a solo song in front of the class. For the last hour, I've been cutting and slicing, adding fades and reverb, balancing the piano levels and generally making things sound as good as I can.... and then I get to L_______'s song. What amazed me the most is the fact that I had heard it already... back in late January on finals day... and I forgot about it. I don't know how I could have.... because the person who started singing was not the same indifferent, book obsessed girl I knew three years ago. Her voice was clear and confident, and while she's far from being the best singer I have... I don't think anyone could have given the song more justice. And what's more,she gave me a song I've never heard before.... but one that I'll keep:

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance.

I've said numerous times that I'm agnostic. But moments like this I'm tempted to believe in a higher power... only because it seems too coincidental that I get something that I need, from a source that also forces me through a lesson of humility.

"Now if you're feelin kinda low...

....bout the dues youve been paying
Futures coming much too slow
And you wanna run but somehow you just keep on stayin'
Can't decide on which way to go
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Now youre climbin' to the top of the company ladder
Hope it doesnt take too long
Cantcha you see therell come a day when it won't matter
Come a day when you'll be gone

I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Take a look ahead, take a look ahead, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Now everybodys got advice they just keep on givin
Doesnt mean too much to me
Lots of people out to make-believe theyre livin
Cant decide who they should be.

I understand about indecision
But I dont care if I get behind
People li vin in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Take a look ahead, take a look ahead. look ahead."

Boston - Peace of Mind

I remember the fire of idealism from my late teens. I thought I understood the world, or at least, I knew the world as it should be. Without even really grasping what the "rat race" was, I knew didn't like it. So I latched on to songs like this and went out into the world, intent on changing it. I guess I was in for a rude awakening.... but it never happened. I was never "shocked into reality" In fact, I proceeded to live my life like the song.

I had a decidedly middle-road GPA from high school (not even a B average) attended a local community college and eventually transferred to a CSU. I never went through the pain of being rejected from this school or that school. I took the SAT (twice, in fact) but I never stressed out about it. My score was considered good for the time... so-so by todays "standards."

In short, I am a foreigner to this GPA paranoid, college resume obsessed community that I work for.

A lot of people look back on their high school selves and think "Oh what a fool I was to believe in those things." I sort-of do... but really I'm surprised to the extent to which I still believe in those things.

"By the pricking of my thumbs....

...something wicked this way comes"

William Shakespeare - MacBeth

Here I was, trying to enjoy a peaceful Spring Break, but no. Something had to come and ruin my illusion of serenity. Part of my problem is that my nervous system goes to DEFCON 1 at the first sign of trouble. I've got to stop doing that or I'm going to have a coronary someday.

....uh what was I talking about?

Oh yes... ummm, well today I get an e-mail from Palpatine. Seems that one of the orchestra kids talked to his parents, who in turn e-mailed Palpatine and unloaded a plea to keep the orchestra class on the books, despite low enrollment. Palpatine responded with an email (CC'd to the parent, Middle school principal and all counselors) saying that there was no Imperial decision to cancel any classes, and that I should respond with "the correct information."

So what sends me into a panic attack is the thought of the Imperial displeasure bearing down on me with full force for having the audacity to "spread wrongful rumors." At the same time, I'm trying to figure out if I really did anything wrong.

What did I do? Well, after Palpatine had that meeting with me to talk about my enrollment, I started mobilizing the forces (students) by telling them how dire the situation. I didn't say straightforward "By the way kids, you can thank the Emperor for this downsizing of the Music Department"... I simply passed on that we were in a pickle, enrollment-wise, and that we don't have enough numbers to justify the classes we currently offer.... and that we need to put bodies in chairs if we're going to keep the classes running. I said that because that's what came out of the meeting with Palpatine!. I was told to double my recruitment efforts.... I was told to use my community resources to help in any way shape or form. Was I supposed to fix the airplane without letting the passengers know that there was a problem?

And what the hell is "the correct information?"... When your principal tells you that you only have enough enrolled students for two sections... doesn't that mean that the other three (four in my case.... if not more) will be removed?

Why do I have this feeling that there is an implied mandate applied of all the Imperial officers to protect the Imperial public reputation even when the damage comes from the Emperor's own policy?

I refuse to write any kind of response before friday. Tomorrow I'm going to check to see what booze there is in the apartment, and I'm setting my laptop to self destruct if I connect with the schools mail server.

The Once and Future King

So here I am on the first "meaningful" day of Spring Break (ie. the day I could be in school, but aren't)... but, I am. True to my workaholic nature, I am here in my classroom doing all the things that I don't have the energy to do during the regular school week. Vacations usually give me an opportunity to really clean and organize the music rooms. As bad as that sounds it actually has a sort of Zen quality to it: cleaning a room is like ordering the mind. People who like to vacuum will tell you this.

Anyone who has seen my classrooms will also tell you that it's not the most painful place to be. My office has a 19" TV with DVD/VCR built in all hooked up to a surround-sound system. Abut a third of my DVD collection lives here too (funny thing, I don't actually show that many videos in class... mostly during lunch and during my prep and stuff.)

So days like today, I go through three or four movies... usually the ones I haven't seen in a while. I started the day right after a glorious breakfast at IHOP with Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, and currently find my self in the opening of I Robot.

For the last 2 hours I also had a little company... one of my students was passing through and stopped to help out. Next thing I know we had hung all of the plaques we'd aqcuired over the last couple years (but have been too lazy to hang) and even readjusted a lot of the posters that the summer construction workers had disrupted.

As soon as I get through this post (I'm taking a break) I'll give the office it's first sweeping/mopping since summer, and maybe even re-file all of my CDs that have been sitting in a big stack in my cabinet.

Workaholic? Perhaps... but this place is also the nexus through which I gather my spiritual power. And on days like today, when I clean and organize... it's my way of reclaiming this territory from the daily invasions. Not that my students are "invaders" per se... but they don't always claim ownership of the rooms as I do. They use the place, but do not always take care of it. Eh, they're teenagers. But then, I have people like E_____ , R______, and M______ who regularly give up their vacation time to help clean the place.

This year, it's been harder to keep the rooms clean. Back around 2000 - 2002 I used to keep it nearly spotless on a daily basis. The janitors used to joke that they didn't have to come in here at all, except maybe to empty trash cans. I couldn't go home unless the Feng Shui of the room was intact. You can probably thank my conducting teacher for that... the man was anal retentive to the point of near obsessive compulsion (did I mention that I have a degree in psychology?)

This year, the daily grind seems to drain the energy I used to reserve for that sort of thing. I'm not even talking about my ordeal with Palpatine... maybe it's the work load of the AP class, or the added stress of the CLAD classes. Maybe it's just because when I was studying with said teacher (in the thick of my masters) my nerves were sharp, as was the blade with which I shaped my daily musical product. Now, five years past my degree... I've gotten dull, soft.

Maybe that's the good that can come from my ordeal with Palpatine... to re-galvanize my fortitude, re-sharpen the blade. I have to admit, back in 2004 I thought I was invincible... the department enrollment was an all-time high, and things were generally good... very good. So I sat back and took my foot off the gas. Now, I'm looking at the systematic dimantling of my Shangri-La, wondering how something so right could have deteriorated so fast.

But the year is not through, and the schedule for the department is not yet set in stone. I have a few opportunities left, and I have the backing of a supportive community. I may yet find the Grail and revive the Kingdom. And it all starts with the re-ordering of my mind, and the cleaning of my place of power.

Eye of the Storm

So here we are in the opening weekend of Spring Break. The week ended serenely (mostly because of Palpatine being off-planet).

The situation between me and Weasle has relaxed somewhat. I think we've decided to be civil to each other. I have this strange sort of duality when it comes to conflict with students. On one hand, I think I can be a stubborn grudge-holder, and yet when opporunities arise to improve relations with people, I jump on them. I think its because of the damage that a lasting contempt can do to your inner peace. Anyway, I contemplated having a private conversation with Weas to patch things up, but after conferring with some colleagues, I decided against it. I have, however, put energy into non-hostile relations with him. That seems to be working. I hope.

My jazz band performed at our school's Open House event. It went well. I got a lot of complements from people. No more, really, than I had in years previous, but this time I seemed tobe... more appreciative of them. I started to imagine what would happen next year if Palpatine decides to cut the jazz group because of enrollment.

*Tangent*

Lets talk about the jazz enrollment for a second. I saw this happen at our sister school, but I never thought it would happen here. We may lose our jazz group (and any class) because the enrollment is too small (less than 25). Folks, you can have a fully functioning jazz group with 17. I think my enrollment has been as high as 27 in the past, but that was because I doubled up on rhythm section, and had at least 1 more in each horn section than I needed (in the saxes, I had a surplus of four). Understand folks, that when jazz bands get too big, they get muddy. Not to mention the fact that in the rhythm section, only one kid can perform at a time, leaving the others to wait for their turn. So lets say you have three drummers. That means each kid may play on two charts in any one concert, that's assuming we have six charts to perform. We frequently have five. Also, that means that there may be rehearsals where one kids doesn't play at all (leaving him to wonder why he got up early to be at school for 0 period). That's why I cut it off at two, max. Even then it can be hard to manage.

Anyway.... what was I saying? Oh... yes.... I'm trying to imagine what would happen next year when PTA comes to me and says "Hey, how about having your jazz band perform at X function" only to meet the response "I'm sorry, but we no longer have a jazz band."

Allright, enough of this... I'm on break, and I'm going to go make pancakes.

That's no moon... it's a space station!

Life usually comes down to a big Star Wars analogy for me. It occured to me as I prepared this post that P can stand for Palpatine just as easily as it stands for Principal, and thus an appropriate nickname is born. And the more I think of how our Republic is turning into the Galactic Empire...

Speaking of Palpatine, the emperor has taken a two day leave of campus, which has allowed me to walk through the administrative office building with a sense of relief. It used to be such a cheery place (for me, anyway)

Victories for the Rebel Alliance:
The district has sent me notice that I won't get a letter of intent for the 07/08 school year until I show proof of completed CLAD certification, transcripts showing at least 6 completed units of a CLAD program, or at the very least, a promise to complete 6 units of a CLAD program by June. Today I turned in transcripts from USD showing the successful completion of two CLAD courses. (I'll have the other two by June, easy.

The students and families in the music department are mobilizing. Today, two 7th graders in choir came to me and announced that they have an appointment to meet with the principal of their former elementary school, in an effort to help promote our music department. They did this on their own. They both got big hugs from me.

"It could be worse........"

"......it could be raining" **THUNDERCLAP**
- Marty Feldman, Young Frankenstein

It's official. I'm now browsing the SCSBOA web site for jobs. I'm not going out and getting boxes to pack all my stuff in (actually, that would take a U-Haul) but I'm in need of a serious back-up plan. My days at *MY SCHOOL* might be numbered.

I had another one of "those" talks with P, although this time the M------- B--- word didn't even come up. It was all about enrollment, and how next years numbers for the music program are the weakest since I've been there. Conclusion: There aren't enough enrolled students to justify a full days worth of sections for me. Result: Classes will be cut, and I go part time.... unless a miracle happens.

You want to talk about something taking the wind out of my sails.... I went up to the front office to check my mail, and P pulls me in and drops the bomb. The interesting thing is... I don't blame P for this. The numbers are low... rediculously low. We're graduating kids and not replacing them with new recruits. So band shrinks, jazz shrinks.... and orchestra is decimated. (Only the vocal classes seem to be unaffected)

First class on the chopping block: AP Music Theory. I'm not happy about that, but it's the first class I would willingly sacrifice. Being an AP Class, I think I could easily resurrect it in the future. I'm more worried about the runner-up: Orchestra. Once that class goes, we may never get it back... which means that we lose our hold on one of the most important mediums in serious music making.

But the way P is talking right now.... P figures I have enough for two sections....two sections! Friends, there is no way I could live on a part-time salary right now. I mean, if I were single I'd even consider living bare bones just to make it work.... yeah I love this place that much. But there is a wife to consider, and the family we want to have some day.

Now, the paranoid part of me has to wonder if there is any kind of maeuvering on P's part to put me in the exact position I am right now, asking my self these exact questions. I don't think so. And given the fact that P is telling me that admin will do everything to help enrollment... and the fact that P didn't once push m------- b--- makes me want to put a little trust in P.
So why is my spider-sense still going off?

It's one thing to be fighting off the will of a micromanaging tyrant.... it's another when the ground you're trying to defend crumbles right under your feet. There are people walking around on campus that could be signed up for music, but aren't.... because of the demands of the allmighty college application... or because the choice between being in a rag-tag barely surviving orchestra or being on a nationally ranked track team isn't all that hard to make.... or maybe because X 7th grader figured they played clarinet for 2 years already in elementary school (and it's time for something new). Whatever the reasons are, they aren't coming in, and they aren't staying through to graduation.

So... a year from now will I find myself at *INSERT NEW SCHOOL HERE*, thrust back into the world of band boosters, fundraising and drill charts? Oh the irony!

Before, I was just afraid.... now I'm simply numb as I stare into the abysss.

"Happiness is a wet Rico Reed"

.... (quote by Dexter Gordon, "Round Midnight")

Something about a good reed that makes the dust of the soul wash away. A responsive reed just takes the breath you give it and makes tone without a fuss. It goes where you want it to go, cheerfully. A good reed makes you sound like a better musician than you are... or maybe just the musician that you're supposed to be.


A shame, really, that reeds have a mortal life. But then, everything worthwhile must, I suppose.

Houston, we have a problem...

So my recent overnight trip with my orchestra and my 2nd choir came off something like the Apollo 13 mission. Now , before I let any perceptions of that statement sink in too much, let me remind you that the Apollo 13 mission ended well. Not ony that, it was kind of a testament to American determination, ingenuity and courage.

I'm surprised I didn't get an ulcer out of all of this. All the way up to the point where the bus actually left the school, I had to deal with crisis after crisis (starting from... oh November or so).

First of all, understand that the purpose of the trip was to provide a fun opportunity for the classes who never get to do anything special (like go perform at Disneyland). So this year, I decided to take my 2nd choir and combine my tiny band/orchestra classes into a single "chamber orchestra" to this festival (which included a full day at Sea World.) It sounded like a good idea to everyone at the time. When I first announced the trip back in November, almost 60 kids told me they were eager to go. When the time came to commit financially, almost half of that dropped out.

You know, when a history teacher takes a field trip... he or she has no problem taking half the class. When a performing group travels, they have to have the right numbers to maintain the integrity of the musical product. Long story short, it was tricky, but I made it work.

Then the day before D-Day, I was told that I had to provide hotel room for our bus driver... fortunately, we had a financial cushion to deal with it, but it put us dangerously close to our maximun budget, since we were also renting a cargo van and providing breakfast on Saturday. (I basically brought about $1000 of my own money in cash to deal with anything else, knowing full well that had there been a need to use it, there was no way I could get reimbursed. Fortunately, the only time that money came out was to pay for lunch for my adult helpers... my "thank you" to them.

For some odd reason, no substitute was arranged for my absence, despite the fact that I had turned in all of my paperwork early. Then, after scrambling to get last-minute in-house subs less than an hour before I had to leave... I realized that I had left my cel phone at home. I would have just gone without it, exept that I had already given out my number as the main contact for any emergencies. No other choice... I had to drive back home to get it. The rush of that not only delayed our departure, but it also caused me to forget to bring a box that had some of the orchestra music in it. We didn't discover that until we got to the performance site. I basically had to ask the host director if he had a copy of the piece, and he he had to call a neighbor school and borrow it from them. It was embarassing.

Once we got through friday, the rest of the trip went fairly smoothly, and I was able to relax a little. I have to be thankful for is the fact that the kids were well behaved (except for a brief ice-throwing session in the halls of the hotel on the first day, they were angels). We did the old tape-the-doors trick, and the only "infraction" occured because one kid was impatient to wait for a shower at 5:45 a.m. and went to the room next door to use theirs.

Except for the delay on the first day (which was my fault) we stuck to the itinerary like glue. The kids managed to meet at the right places at the right times, and no one got picked up by security in the hotel, at the festival sites or at Sea World. One kid went home early because he was sick, but that was it. (Everyone had a grand time, especially at Sea World. By that time, I was crashing from my stress-high, so I basically spent a lot of time parked under a tree on a grassy hill, taking a nap. I think I'll go back with my wife next month and see what I missed.)

And the festival results: Both of our groups received "silver" ratings (placing them in the majority of the other schools.) I could feel them starting to get a little down at the awards ceremony when some of the schools were getting multiple sweepstakes awards for various reasons... and we basically got the same plaque that everyone else got for simply being there. I watched as some schools got to stand up and cheer as they got their 2nd, 3rd, and sometimes 4th trophy. I fought off thoughts of "If I were a better director, that might be us as well." (Friends, no need to recue me form that. It's difficult not to let those things in your head in times like that.) Lord knows, our kids deserve it.

Still, I can't tell you how proud I am of the groups that went. The orchestra was assmbled from two classes who rehearsed the music seperately, with only two combined rehearsals. It's difficult to shape a good product with that. We did as well in performance as we were going to do... no director can ask for more than that.

And the choir... the choir showed more courage than they ever had. They proved that they can get up and put themselves on the line, the same way my advanced choir can, and let themselves be judged. I had the option to go for "comments only" and spare them from any ego-bruising results. But they wanted to compete, so I asked the judges to change our status from comments to ratings and rankings. I don't think that the choir regrets it in the least.

My own reward came when, during the awards ceremony, the hosts called the directors down to the stage individually, gave them a handshake and handed over the folders with the judges comments. As each director was called, the corresponding schools erupted with cheers. Let me tell you that there couldn't have been less than twenty schools there, and I would guess that we had the fewest numbers by far (one school brough six groups... something like four busses to haul them around). And when my name was called, our little band of thirty five made more noise than the rest of the room combined. Or at least that's the way it seemed to me.

You want to know what keeps me at a school with crummy pay and a principal who as long since fallen to the Dark Side? It's times like this.

Houston, Apollo 13 has touched down. We're all right... I repeat.... We're all right.