Here I am on the last day of my President's Break. Much to my wife's chagrin, I requested that we put Maestro Jr. in day care all week (she prefer that I spend bonding time with him on my days off). I told her that I wanted to use the time to do some house projects (which mostly didn't get done, except for some cleaning) and try to make some headway on my 'great reform.' Besides, we were paying for the week anyway - we might as well use it.
When I have time off, I always imagine having more free time than I really do. I keep envisioning these 30-hour days, where I can goof-off, watch TV, sleep in, nap, snack, nap some more - and then somehow get a good 5 hours of work done. It's never worked out that way. Most of the time, I blink and find myself on the Sunday before the inevitable return to school, and all of the work I brought home is still sitting in my briefcase untouched.
I've done a little better than that this time, although I haven't made as big a dent as I would have liked. As I reported before, I got some good planning done with my string coach, which I followed up at home by filling in similar goals for my wind and percussion students. Today I made a decent effort, although I ended up putting most of my energy into writing down scale exercises that my kids already have memorized. I did manage to finalize and print my major scale sheets - that was pretty good. I also poked around my new edition of Finale 2011 and figured out some stuff that may come in handy later (Turns out, the software comes with all sorts of prepackaged drills for school groups, as well as theory worksheets, stuff for jazz bands... It's all pretty impressive.) But those efforts, along with cleaning my home office, ended up being mere productive distractions from the monumental tasks that I really should be working on:
1) Coming up with a time frame to do assessments that will serve as the basis of my multi-level learning and grading process.
2) Coming up with the format and materials for said assessments.
3) Designing the standard keyboard lessons and practice exercises that I need for my beginning instruments class.
4) Coming up with the rhythm worksheets that I'm going to actually implement as homework in my instrumental groups.
I did , however, have an epiphany the other day after I started thinking about individual student progress sheets. What I really need are student portfolios that follow them through their career with the NRHS Music Department. I mean a database that tracks everything, from their progress through the skill levels to listing every solo they ever performed, as well as any honor groups they participate in. I mean yeah, it will be a lot of work setting that up (not that I don't already have enough ambitious projects on my plate. But if I start picking at it, I may be able to use it as a focal point for the new multi-level teaching and assessment process.
Hmmm... I wonder if using Microsoft Access might help. I've poked around with Access a few times, but I never got into it enough to utilize it. I've been keeping most of my information in Excel files.
(See this is the point where I get lured into another productive distraction - where I spend the rest of my weekend poking around Access and not addressing the stuff I need for next week. But then, you gotta jump into it sometime.)
It is now approaching 4:30, and I have to go pick Maestro Jr. from daycare. *sigh*
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Picking up speed
Well, the President's holidays gave me a few days to work on my stuff. It's still a little slow going - having a toddler at home can impede things, somewhat. Yesterday, I was supposed to devote the entire day to school stuff. I basically woke up late, made breakfast, went back to sleep... and by the time I crawled out of bed again it was almost time to pick the little one up from daycare. And once he's home... well... you can forget about doing anything else.
Today was a little different. I made an appointment to meet with my string coach - so at least I got out of the house. We met at the school and started hashing through my skill-level structure. It was actually pretty productive, but more because of her than me. Not that I was being particularly sluggish - but we were going over the orchestra coach, and she's the resident string guru. I was trying to keep all of our ideas all nice an tidy on the computer, meanwhile she was scribbling things down at a fever pace. After only an hour and a half, she had to leave to go teach a lesson, and I was left with pages of handwritten notes.
Awesome.
We basically laid out levels 0-2, how to address posture and instrument position, how and when to introduce shifting, How to divide up the rhythmic concepts by levels (which was really my forte, I had already been doing the same thing for the band classes, and the concepts are pretty much the same.) It's weird, because I feel like I'm reinventing the wheel a little bit. It occurred to me while we were talking that these were the same issues that must have come up with people who were putting together beginning methods books. Still, the method books are meant for homogeneous classes, and we are specifically developing a process for mufti-level classes.
Throughout all of it, I had to keep reminding myself: keep it simple, keep it do-able.
My next goal will be to invent a student progress sheet. I'll do that tomorrow, if I don't end up repainting the front porch, that is.
Today was a little different. I made an appointment to meet with my string coach - so at least I got out of the house. We met at the school and started hashing through my skill-level structure. It was actually pretty productive, but more because of her than me. Not that I was being particularly sluggish - but we were going over the orchestra coach, and she's the resident string guru. I was trying to keep all of our ideas all nice an tidy on the computer, meanwhile she was scribbling things down at a fever pace. After only an hour and a half, she had to leave to go teach a lesson, and I was left with pages of handwritten notes.
Awesome.
We basically laid out levels 0-2, how to address posture and instrument position, how and when to introduce shifting, How to divide up the rhythmic concepts by levels (which was really my forte, I had already been doing the same thing for the band classes, and the concepts are pretty much the same.) It's weird, because I feel like I'm reinventing the wheel a little bit. It occurred to me while we were talking that these were the same issues that must have come up with people who were putting together beginning methods books. Still, the method books are meant for homogeneous classes, and we are specifically developing a process for mufti-level classes.
Throughout all of it, I had to keep reminding myself: keep it simple, keep it do-able.
My next goal will be to invent a student progress sheet. I'll do that tomorrow, if I don't end up repainting the front porch, that is.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Slow Start
My "Great reform" is off to a slow start, due to this week being marked by a big performance trip on Monday, as well a me getting sick over the weekend (It was entirely my fault... I finished off a bottle of wine by myself, which not only affected my productivity on Saturday night, it threw my immune system into a tizzy.)
Whatever bug I fell victim to has now taken hold with both hands, and I have officially reported in sick for tomorrow. The funny thing is, I'm not even calling in sick for me.... Maestro Jr. has another ear infection and will have to be out of day care for a couple of days. I expect to be back on Friday, but you never know. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to take care of him and myself at the same time... we'll see how that goes.
Still, the week wasn't a total waste. I implemented two things - the pull out sectionals for choir, and the revised participation point system. The big task will be setting up and implementing the skill level structure - but then we have a big break coming up next week, I should be able to make some headway.
Whatever bug I fell victim to has now taken hold with both hands, and I have officially reported in sick for tomorrow. The funny thing is, I'm not even calling in sick for me.... Maestro Jr. has another ear infection and will have to be out of day care for a couple of days. I expect to be back on Friday, but you never know. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to take care of him and myself at the same time... we'll see how that goes.
Still, the week wasn't a total waste. I implemented two things - the pull out sectionals for choir, and the revised participation point system. The big task will be setting up and implementing the skill level structure - but then we have a big break coming up next week, I should be able to make some headway.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
The Old Drawing Board
Well, here I am 24 hours into my 2nd semester reform campaign, and so far it isn't a bad start. I finally did something that I've been wanting to do for years - I wrote out my own scale sheet for the 12 major keys. I know, I know... there are tons of resources already out there for something so common as major scales. But you know how it is when you want something written the way you want to teach it. It's the same reason that I always use tests of my own design (which hasn't always been a good thing - I'm prone to errors)
One of my pitfalls started to kick in - Sometimes I can set myself on a path to complete a task and I get distracted by 'side quests'. There was one time, back when I was teaching AP Music Theory, that I grew frustrated having to always write certain music symbols in by hand when making handouts and tests. I'm talking about stuff you won't find even when using Finale or Sibelius, because they aren't used in actual notation, only when analyzing music: inversion symbols, 7th chord symbols (raised), numbers with scale degree chevrons over them, accidentals, etc. So to that end, I downloaded a simple font editor and I basically made my own music font. That took some time. I was meticulous, and it actually delayed a quiz for a couple of days. I mean, I'm glad I did it - now I have it to use if I ever teach theory again, and it's a cool resource to share with colleagues.
I also spent a couple of weeks developing a universal chart that can be used to calculate intervals, scales, modes triads and 7th chords. I'm actually surprised that no one ever thought of doing something like that before. If it's out there, I haven't seen it - which means that I may even want to think about getting a copyright on that little baby.
Anyway, I found myself pouring over this scale sheet, and realized that I needed to step back and focus on threshing out the weekly schedule a little more. I also started sketching out a rough draft of my idea for having a skill-level designation system for assessing my instrumental classes (basically, a way of assigning different sets of goals and expectations based on the student's experience - something that I need to do if I'm going to continue to work with 7-12 students in the same class.) I was freaking out because I wanted to get everything right before I imposed this new system on my students. I had to remind myself that I'm in experimental waters, and that I need to put it together as best I can and try it out. Then I can tweak it any way I like as I continue to use it.
There are a few pros and cons to my undertaking:
Pro: Being that this is music instruction that we're talking about, there is no pressure to have solid results quickly. I don't mean to sound lazy - but it is nice to plan progress without having the knowledge that someone's college acceptance, or the schools standardized test results are riding on my success. That gives me time to plan, experiment and adjust. It may even take a few years to stabilize. No worries.
Con: There are no guidelines to fall back on. I'm basically forging ahead in uncharted waters. Oh sure, there is the state framework - but it's fairly useless, since none of the standards for music in the elementary grades are being met. It's like looking for standards for teaching English to a high school sophomore who hasn't learned the alphabet yet. And I can guarantee you that there are no published methods for dealing with a program that mixes middle school and high school students in the same class.
Pro: If I actually come up with something that works, I'll publish a book or two, and probably make a lot of dough on the music education lecture circuit.
Again, we'll see if this round of promises actually plays through. But I've taken the first steps beyond just saying "I should....", and that's probably the hardest part - kind of like exercising.
One of my pitfalls started to kick in - Sometimes I can set myself on a path to complete a task and I get distracted by 'side quests'. There was one time, back when I was teaching AP Music Theory, that I grew frustrated having to always write certain music symbols in by hand when making handouts and tests. I'm talking about stuff you won't find even when using Finale or Sibelius, because they aren't used in actual notation, only when analyzing music: inversion symbols, 7th chord symbols (raised), numbers with scale degree chevrons over them, accidentals, etc. So to that end, I downloaded a simple font editor and I basically made my own music font. That took some time. I was meticulous, and it actually delayed a quiz for a couple of days. I mean, I'm glad I did it - now I have it to use if I ever teach theory again, and it's a cool resource to share with colleagues.
I also spent a couple of weeks developing a universal chart that can be used to calculate intervals, scales, modes triads and 7th chords. I'm actually surprised that no one ever thought of doing something like that before. If it's out there, I haven't seen it - which means that I may even want to think about getting a copyright on that little baby.
Anyway, I found myself pouring over this scale sheet, and realized that I needed to step back and focus on threshing out the weekly schedule a little more. I also started sketching out a rough draft of my idea for having a skill-level designation system for assessing my instrumental classes (basically, a way of assigning different sets of goals and expectations based on the student's experience - something that I need to do if I'm going to continue to work with 7-12 students in the same class.) I was freaking out because I wanted to get everything right before I imposed this new system on my students. I had to remind myself that I'm in experimental waters, and that I need to put it together as best I can and try it out. Then I can tweak it any way I like as I continue to use it.
There are a few pros and cons to my undertaking:
Pro: Being that this is music instruction that we're talking about, there is no pressure to have solid results quickly. I don't mean to sound lazy - but it is nice to plan progress without having the knowledge that someone's college acceptance, or the schools standardized test results are riding on my success. That gives me time to plan, experiment and adjust. It may even take a few years to stabilize. No worries.
Con: There are no guidelines to fall back on. I'm basically forging ahead in uncharted waters. Oh sure, there is the state framework - but it's fairly useless, since none of the standards for music in the elementary grades are being met. It's like looking for standards for teaching English to a high school sophomore who hasn't learned the alphabet yet. And I can guarantee you that there are no published methods for dealing with a program that mixes middle school and high school students in the same class.
Pro: If I actually come up with something that works, I'll publish a book or two, and probably make a lot of dough on the music education lecture circuit.
Again, we'll see if this round of promises actually plays through. But I've taken the first steps beyond just saying "I should....", and that's probably the hardest part - kind of like exercising.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
We're Going To The Moon
In 1961, JFK announced to the world that the US would send someone to the moon before the decade was out. Shortly after, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (after picking their jaws off the ground and changing their underwear en masse) set to work. With some good old American determination and elbow grease, they came through with flying colors.
At the beginning of this year, the Maestro declared that he was going to be the best music teacher, husband and father that he could possibly be. Checking in at the semester, he seems to be averaging 2 out of 3. Not that he's been a particularly bad music teacher, it's just that he's revisiting some of his promises this year (particularly the bit about making an 'A' grade in band actually mean something) and realizing that he's come up short.
[turns off 3rd person mode]
In my last post I examined the dilemma between career and family. In this one I am beginning the chronicle of my attempt to burn the candle at both ends and survive the process. Will I succeed? Who knows... What I do know is that I'm tired of making promises to myself that I don't keep.
My first step was to inform my classes of my plan to integrate a new weekly schedule devoted to the goals of advancing individual skills, meeting the diverse needs of the student population, and increasing student accountability. Oh, and along the way, I'm going to achieve world peace and restore the global economy. The students seemed to be enthusiastic - but see, this isn't the first time I've promised to bring big change to the NRHS Music Dept. My problem isn't a lack of ideas - oh, I have ideas a-plenty. My problem is turning those ideas into a reality and making them stick. I'm starting to feel a little like DaVinci, a renowned genius plagued by follow-through issues.
My biggest problem is a distinct lack of planning and resource-gathering time. I constantly find myself in class thinking "Oh, I'll do something about ________, all I need is to develop a lesson plan for it." I even have a flash of how the lesson will unfold, and what materials I should have (all self-engineered, of course.) The next thing I know, it's June, and none of the promises / threats have come to pass.
I keep complaining how tired I am of being an academic / artistic flake.
I keep telling myself I will change.
I'm tired of letting myself down.
Well, I'm officially doing something about it. The first thing I had to do was figure out how I was going to find planning time. I have one daily prep - which is usually wasted doing some administrative drivel. I also have a free sixth period, but I'm usually too wiped out to do anything particularly meaningful (although I've been better about that kind of thing lately). The only thing I could come up with was to use class time, and to get the students in on the planning process. I'm going to use a little of my weekend time (which usually goes to home maintenance) and devote it to lesson planning. (This won't take away from family time, since my wife ordinarily takes maestro Jr. to visit the in-laws for most of Saturday and half of Sunday, anyway.)
I'm going to come up with goals that are simple, practical and attainable. I am going to develop a schedule that is easy to follow and maintain. I am going to create materials that are useful, simple to implement and above all else - reusable. I am going to cut out the monthly allotment of participation points in favor of a one-time semester total, assigned at the outset of each semester, from which deductions will be made as we go. I will develop a method of in-class assessment that balances efficiency with effectiveness. I will keep a record of my successes and failures.
I will make some progress towards being a better teacher, however modest it may be.
I start today... I start tonight. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.
At the beginning of this year, the Maestro declared that he was going to be the best music teacher, husband and father that he could possibly be. Checking in at the semester, he seems to be averaging 2 out of 3. Not that he's been a particularly bad music teacher, it's just that he's revisiting some of his promises this year (particularly the bit about making an 'A' grade in band actually mean something) and realizing that he's come up short.
[turns off 3rd person mode]
In my last post I examined the dilemma between career and family. In this one I am beginning the chronicle of my attempt to burn the candle at both ends and survive the process. Will I succeed? Who knows... What I do know is that I'm tired of making promises to myself that I don't keep.
My first step was to inform my classes of my plan to integrate a new weekly schedule devoted to the goals of advancing individual skills, meeting the diverse needs of the student population, and increasing student accountability. Oh, and along the way, I'm going to achieve world peace and restore the global economy. The students seemed to be enthusiastic - but see, this isn't the first time I've promised to bring big change to the NRHS Music Dept. My problem isn't a lack of ideas - oh, I have ideas a-plenty. My problem is turning those ideas into a reality and making them stick. I'm starting to feel a little like DaVinci, a renowned genius plagued by follow-through issues.
My biggest problem is a distinct lack of planning and resource-gathering time. I constantly find myself in class thinking "Oh, I'll do something about ________, all I need is to develop a lesson plan for it." I even have a flash of how the lesson will unfold, and what materials I should have (all self-engineered, of course.) The next thing I know, it's June, and none of the promises / threats have come to pass.
I keep complaining how tired I am of being an academic / artistic flake.
I keep telling myself I will change.
I'm tired of letting myself down.
Well, I'm officially doing something about it. The first thing I had to do was figure out how I was going to find planning time. I have one daily prep - which is usually wasted doing some administrative drivel. I also have a free sixth period, but I'm usually too wiped out to do anything particularly meaningful (although I've been better about that kind of thing lately). The only thing I could come up with was to use class time, and to get the students in on the planning process. I'm going to use a little of my weekend time (which usually goes to home maintenance) and devote it to lesson planning. (This won't take away from family time, since my wife ordinarily takes maestro Jr. to visit the in-laws for most of Saturday and half of Sunday, anyway.)
I'm going to come up with goals that are simple, practical and attainable. I am going to develop a schedule that is easy to follow and maintain. I am going to create materials that are useful, simple to implement and above all else - reusable. I am going to cut out the monthly allotment of participation points in favor of a one-time semester total, assigned at the outset of each semester, from which deductions will be made as we go. I will develop a method of in-class assessment that balances efficiency with effectiveness. I will keep a record of my successes and failures.
I will make some progress towards being a better teacher, however modest it may be.
I start today... I start tonight. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Priorities
Last week our head football coach resigned. I don't have all the gossip yet. The official explanation was "personal reasons". A lot of people are assuming that he got a better offer somewhere else, although one of the rumors is that he wants to keep teaching at New Republic High School. Some people are saying that he was getting pressure from his wife to be home with the family more.
Touchdown Tom was hired a few years ago to rescue the varsity team from a decades-long losing tradition. He seemed to be doing well, this last year in particular... this news seems to come while he's in the middle of his stride. Whether or not the family part is true, it certainly wouldn't be the first time I've seen that kind of thing. I've known people to 'throw away' successful careers (or at least scale them way back) for the sake of their families... sometimes letting recently-completed graduate degrees collect dust while they trade in their lesson plans for baby bottles. I don't mean to be critical of that - I'm a parent myself and I understand all too well what's at stake.
I was, however, a little surprised to hear about Tom though. He struck me as... well, the same as every other coach I ever met. He was absorbed into his game - and in Tom's case it was so much so that he didn't really care about any of the peripheral stuff (including band... for which I am very grateful). Football is who he is... the same way that music is who I am.
Anyone who heads up a high-profile program like music or sports basically has a choice: you can be a power player, or you can have a normal life. I don't know many who manage to do both. Sitting at the big kids table in your field often means taking yourself (and your students) to the point of obsession. Late nights and early mornings, extra practices, weekends, holidays, summer vacation, expecting students to prioritize your program over their studies, expecting parents and even other faculty to bend their plans around your program,... and lets not forget the fund raising (being the best at what you do isn't only hard, it's expensive.)
The lure of being a championship team, band, orchestra, choir... whatever... is pretty powerful. Students and families are willing to go the extra mile, because the pay-off is so desirable, and they can run their engines that high, because it's usually a four year stretch at most (Maybe more if there are siblings). There was always light at the end of the tunnel - eventually they would get their nights and weekends back. But for the director (coach) it's a never-ending onslaught of year after year, until they resign or retire. After a while, it takes toll on your marriage... and your children. It essentially sets the director up for a situation where he is prioritizing other people's kids over his own. The parents and students very rarely acknowledge this - they are usually too absorbed into the experience to realize that the director even has a life outside of their job.
Of course there are the guys who live and breathe that kind of intensity. The whole reason they went into music/sports in the first place was to have their name at the top of the competition charts. Those guys... well... sometimes they get to the end of their career and say "I wouldn't change a thing" sometimes they realize that they are approaching retirement, with nothing to look forward to because they let a marriage (or two... or three) dissolve, and they have little or no relationship with any children they might have had. Principal Leto was on that path - he told me flat out: "As you plan for the expansion of your program, keep your family in balance. I went the route of having the nationally competitive band, and I made personal sacrifices that I now regret."
Now, it sounds like I'm building up to a no-brainer conclusion: family comes first. And to be honest - I sense that in the end, after having done all the math, that's the way it has to be. Still, there are complications and contradictions in that statement. As noble as true "family comes first" may be, it denies the ideology that we've been feeding to kids all of their young lives: "Reach for your dreams."After all, the whole point of education is to prepare people for their futures - bright wondrous futures filled with endless possibilities, or so we claim. But then it also seems that the highest peaks of achievement can only be reached with unflinching personal commitment, the kind that requires sacrifice. With that in mind, perhaps the statement should be amended to - "You can do anything you want, as long as you don't want to have a family."
So where does that put you if your life dream was to be a coach or a music teacher.... and a good one?
Personally , I think the true path is somewhere in the middle. We spend our youth preparing for the thing that provides self-definition. It is the "me" that we choose... and without it, we are shapeless, faceless specimens of humanity. Part of being a good husband, and a good father is being a strong individual that is based on the chosen path. It provides more than sustenance and security, it provides perspective and experience - things that your children can benefit from by mere proximity. Or, as one of my closest mentors put it "The most important thing you have to teach is yourself."
My wife looks at her job primarily as a means for an income. ( This fits the 'family first' model very well, but in all honesty, I cringe at the thought of living in a society where no one made a personal investment in their work. ) If we won the lottery tomorrow, she'd never step foot in her work place again. I, on the other hand, would probably still teach. It's just who I am. My wife thinks that I put career before family, but that isn't true - despite the fact that I've been a pretty heavy workaholic at times. It's also true that had she forced a choice early on - our relationship or teaching music... well, we might not be married today. I only say that because I can't see denying myself my calling for a mere principle. But at the same time, I do believe marriage and family hold trump cards that can beat all hands under the right circumstances.
I will be the best music teacher I can be, and I will put in long hours, late nights and weekends where necessary - but I will also draw the line and set aside family time that is off limits to my school work. I will occasionally be away from my wife and son, sometimes for weeks for travel with youth groups and/or summer institutions, but I will cancel it all if I am needed at home. I will continue on down the path that I chose as a young adult. I will refine my skills as a teacher and as a musician, and I will always consider my work to be the main conduit through which I can have a positive influence on the world - but if circumstance demand my full attention on my family, I will put the teacher and musician aside.
Touchdown Tom was hired a few years ago to rescue the varsity team from a decades-long losing tradition. He seemed to be doing well, this last year in particular... this news seems to come while he's in the middle of his stride. Whether or not the family part is true, it certainly wouldn't be the first time I've seen that kind of thing. I've known people to 'throw away' successful careers (or at least scale them way back) for the sake of their families... sometimes letting recently-completed graduate degrees collect dust while they trade in their lesson plans for baby bottles. I don't mean to be critical of that - I'm a parent myself and I understand all too well what's at stake.
I was, however, a little surprised to hear about Tom though. He struck me as... well, the same as every other coach I ever met. He was absorbed into his game - and in Tom's case it was so much so that he didn't really care about any of the peripheral stuff (including band... for which I am very grateful). Football is who he is... the same way that music is who I am.
Anyone who heads up a high-profile program like music or sports basically has a choice: you can be a power player, or you can have a normal life. I don't know many who manage to do both. Sitting at the big kids table in your field often means taking yourself (and your students) to the point of obsession. Late nights and early mornings, extra practices, weekends, holidays, summer vacation, expecting students to prioritize your program over their studies, expecting parents and even other faculty to bend their plans around your program,... and lets not forget the fund raising (being the best at what you do isn't only hard, it's expensive.)
The lure of being a championship team, band, orchestra, choir... whatever... is pretty powerful. Students and families are willing to go the extra mile, because the pay-off is so desirable, and they can run their engines that high, because it's usually a four year stretch at most (Maybe more if there are siblings). There was always light at the end of the tunnel - eventually they would get their nights and weekends back. But for the director (coach) it's a never-ending onslaught of year after year, until they resign or retire. After a while, it takes toll on your marriage... and your children. It essentially sets the director up for a situation where he is prioritizing other people's kids over his own. The parents and students very rarely acknowledge this - they are usually too absorbed into the experience to realize that the director even has a life outside of their job.
Of course there are the guys who live and breathe that kind of intensity. The whole reason they went into music/sports in the first place was to have their name at the top of the competition charts. Those guys... well... sometimes they get to the end of their career and say "I wouldn't change a thing" sometimes they realize that they are approaching retirement, with nothing to look forward to because they let a marriage (or two... or three) dissolve, and they have little or no relationship with any children they might have had. Principal Leto was on that path - he told me flat out: "As you plan for the expansion of your program, keep your family in balance. I went the route of having the nationally competitive band, and I made personal sacrifices that I now regret."
Now, it sounds like I'm building up to a no-brainer conclusion: family comes first. And to be honest - I sense that in the end, after having done all the math, that's the way it has to be. Still, there are complications and contradictions in that statement. As noble as true "family comes first" may be, it denies the ideology that we've been feeding to kids all of their young lives: "Reach for your dreams."After all, the whole point of education is to prepare people for their futures - bright wondrous futures filled with endless possibilities, or so we claim. But then it also seems that the highest peaks of achievement can only be reached with unflinching personal commitment, the kind that requires sacrifice. With that in mind, perhaps the statement should be amended to - "You can do anything you want, as long as you don't want to have a family."
So where does that put you if your life dream was to be a coach or a music teacher.... and a good one?
Personally , I think the true path is somewhere in the middle. We spend our youth preparing for the thing that provides self-definition. It is the "me" that we choose... and without it, we are shapeless, faceless specimens of humanity. Part of being a good husband, and a good father is being a strong individual that is based on the chosen path. It provides more than sustenance and security, it provides perspective and experience - things that your children can benefit from by mere proximity. Or, as one of my closest mentors put it "The most important thing you have to teach is yourself."
My wife looks at her job primarily as a means for an income. ( This fits the 'family first' model very well, but in all honesty, I cringe at the thought of living in a society where no one made a personal investment in their work. ) If we won the lottery tomorrow, she'd never step foot in her work place again. I, on the other hand, would probably still teach. It's just who I am. My wife thinks that I put career before family, but that isn't true - despite the fact that I've been a pretty heavy workaholic at times. It's also true that had she forced a choice early on - our relationship or teaching music... well, we might not be married today. I only say that because I can't see denying myself my calling for a mere principle. But at the same time, I do believe marriage and family hold trump cards that can beat all hands under the right circumstances.
I will be the best music teacher I can be, and I will put in long hours, late nights and weekends where necessary - but I will also draw the line and set aside family time that is off limits to my school work. I will occasionally be away from my wife and son, sometimes for weeks for travel with youth groups and/or summer institutions, but I will cancel it all if I am needed at home. I will continue on down the path that I chose as a young adult. I will refine my skills as a teacher and as a musician, and I will always consider my work to be the main conduit through which I can have a positive influence on the world - but if circumstance demand my full attention on my family, I will put the teacher and musician aside.
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