Student Reality Checks (or lack thereof)

Student #1:  Has been angry at me for a couple of weeks now because I passed her up for a small ensemble gig.  She plays wrong notes.... like a *lot* of wrong notes.  She knows this.  She still wants the same opportunities that the first stand players get.  Had to explain to her that just being on the team doesn't necessarily give her the right to be the starting pitcher now and then.  In fact, given how prone she is to mistakes, she's lucky I allow her to *stay* on the team. 

Today I asked her how much time practicing she gets in - she told me an hour a week.  I told her that wasn't nearly enough.  I don't think she believes me.  Then again, she lives in a world where there are sometimes alternatives to hard work to get results.

Student #2:  Wants to get into my jazz band.  Semi-decent player, but oblivious to people playing around him.  Has difficulty blending, or matching tempo at times.  Wears the wrong thing to concerts.  Sometimes forgets to show up to performances at all.  Spaces out during rehearsals.  (Asks questions that I just gave the answer to).  Slow to get his instrument out at the beginning of class - lightning-fast to pack up at the end. 

Yesterday there was a snafu getting enough copies ready for the band rehearsal, so I let the band have the period off.  Some of the kids who are also enrolled in jazz pulled out the gig book and started practicing.  All, the kids who want to get into jazz next year pulled out their horns and tried to read the music over the current jazz member's shoulder.  All, that is, except one... he was playing on his iPhone with his friends.  I walked over to him.

Me:  Hey.... you see those kids over there playing... do you know what they are doing?

Kid:  ummm... they're playing the jazz music?

Me:  How many of them are actually in jazz band?

Kid:  Two... I think...

Me:  That's right... and do you know what the other kids are?

Kid: ....... uh........

Me:  They're your competition to get into jazz band.

I got a blank stare.  Not sure he understood *sigh*.

Sign of the times

I am not a generally disliked teacher.  Probably the opposite.  Still.... I have a running list of kids who might come after me if they went on a shooting spree.

*sigh*

Ghost Town

One of the side effects of the significantly expanded physical layout of the campus is that the teachers lounge has been deserted.  A new lounge opened up in a newly constructed area, taking a good third of the faculty with it.  The rest seem to have just lost the will to congregate.  The sad part is that this is the kind of faculty that generally like to be around each other.  There are some places that you couldn't *pay* people to hang out with each other.  I know... I've worked there.  This school, for all it's been through, is still a pretty happy place to be.

On a side note - the air conditioning in my room is rather aggressive (I suppose with on-and-off again heat wave conditions, I should be grateful) .  I open the doors to let the temperature even out.

Actually, that's just an excuse.... I open the doors so that I can play music during my prep and let it waft through the halls.  It's my way of reminding the math and science folk that the music program has nested in their tree, albeit temporarily.  I sometimes leave the door open during orchestra class, for the same reason.

To the winners, the spoiled

We won our big cross town rivalry game.  It was a good game and everyone had fun... except maybe our opponents.  I'm happy for the team - they earned it.  I'm really happy for the coach (he's a good guy).  But the crowd of students... well, it's up for debate whether or not *they* deserve a winning team.  Well, a lot of them do.  But this game brings out some of the worst in people on both sides of the field, and while Friday's game wasn't as bad as I've seen, I still had moments when I wanted to cover up my NRHS band shirt.  There were times when the crowd was chanting obscenities at the opposite side (to be fair, the opposite stands were just as bad).  It was promising, at least, that there was an effort by other students to cover that up with louder, less offensive chantingThe students rushed the field at the end of the game, despite being told not to.  Some of them didn't even wait for the clock to run out.  Others flashed the finger to the administrators as they ran past them.  At least none of the band kids were involved - they were too busy making sure their instruments didn't get trampled by the mob.
This isn't particular to NRHS, I suppose... close basketball game can prompt overturned cop cars in some towns... and there are parts of the world that celebrate a soccer victory with molotov cocktails.

Still, there are schools out there that carry that embrace with far more class.  I'm just a little envious of that - moreso than if we had lost.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

Kicked a kid out of jazz band today.  Probably the first kid that I've removed from one of my performing groups (against their will) in about ten years.  In the two short weeks that have been the new school year, he has already missed half the rehearsals and a performance.  I'd give him another chance, except that it's a pattern that was continuing from last year.  Not to mention the fact that while he was groveling and apologizing to my face, my students inform me that on the side he was telling them that he had better things to do than go to rehearsal.

Professional lesson number one.

You're fired.

Introductions, Adjustments, and "Falling with style"

Over the Summer, the plan to expand our music program by hiring a choir teacher to take over the vocal was put into motion.  Again, I've known that this was probably going to happen eventually, but the gestation time from the initial talks to the actual hiring happened so fast that it didn't give me a chance to process the adjustments that I would have to make.  And while the changes will ultimately benefit all of us, the immediate effect feels not unlike having a limb severed.  (To be honest, I don't *really* know what that feels like)

This is all happening while NRHS is going through an unprecedented process of metamorphosis - from the administrative team, to the physical layout of the campus to the schedule, no stone is left unturned.  We've had upheavals in our routine before, but not on this scale... and even then, the changes (large and small) that I've seen over the years have had a minimal effect on the music department.  Like Elrond Half-elven, I have used my subtle but potent magic to protect the realm within my borders from change.  Alas, even Rivendell could not resist the winds of change forever, and so it is with the NRHS Music Department.   But to be sure... NRHS is *not* the same school.  I might need to come up with a new name.

At any rate, we did find a choir teacher... or rather *they* did.  I was out-of-town for the hiring process.  He's good - younger, more energetic, full of ideas.  He's also in the middle of doing his masters in vocal conducting, so the musical iron is hot on the anvil.  We also seem to have similar philosophies and common goals, despite having different styles. Given the direction I've been taking the program for the last umpteen years, he would seem to be a good fit.  Even so, I do feel a little like Woody watching Buzz Lightyear make an entrance.  (Especially after the slam dunk he pulled off with the advanced choir in front of the whole school at back-to-school night with only a week of rehearsal.)

The adjustment is not easy - although to date is has been as easy as it probably could be, given that Buzz and I are both trying to make it as smooth as possible.  The fact remains that I'm attached to the choirs, as they are to me.  It would be different had I resigned or retired - I wouldn't still be walking through the halls.  As it is, I'm sitting in the back of the room while my new colleague teaches half the time (we have to share a rehearsal space for the time being) and it's all too easy for a kid to turn their head towards me, wave and flash a smile that stabs my heart a little.

Beyond that, there is also something of a loss of purpose.  I fully admit that trying to be a jack-of-all trades made it difficult to give any of the classes the attention they deserve.  Despite that, I enjoyed being more than a band/orchestra director.  Amending my e-mail signature to "Director of Instrumental Music" seemed more like announcing a demotion to the world.  Whats more, sharing the music facility feels a little like having a sudden, unexpected roommate who suddenly owns half of everything.  Well.... not 'feels like'... it is.  I can't help but wonder if this adjustment is but a taste of what retirement will be like.

The good news is that there are a lot of things that I have faith in.  I have faith in my kids.  I have faith that everything will settle down and that life will be good before too long.  I have faith in Buzz...and I do have faith in myself as well.  Despite how I feel about Buzz's arrival, I know that he is a good guy and a talented musician, and that we will be the stronger for it. (After all, Buzz and Woody end up making a great team). Even so, I'm still paranoid about being "that guy" who sabotages a new colleague out of fear and/or envy... perhaps in subconscious ways.  Maybe it's my awareness and self-honesty that prompts me to suspect my own feelings.  But then, my dear friend, Ms. Characterized, reminds me that I am allowed to feel what I'm feeling... in fact it is imperative that I process, and even express it.

The most heartening thing, however, has been the numerous people - parents and students - who approached me after the beginning of the school year and said "I'm so glad to see you - when we heard there was a new music teacher, we were afraid that you had resigned!  It wouldn't be the same without you!"

It's not so bad to be Woody after all.

Changing Winds

Lots of stuff going on in Maestro World.

First if all, it looks like the music department is going to be... 'locationally challenged' for a while.  We're being told that we have to move out of the facility we currently occupy.  The only thing is... the facility we're supposed to move to isn't ready for us yet.  That means we have to move to a temporary location (in close proximity to academic classes) and then move again within a matter of months.  In the end, I'll have a brand new, state-of-the-art crib... so I don't want to complain.  I'm just not sure my administration has thought through this process.  Hopefully, my new neighbors won't mind... too much.

The second thing is... it appears that my days as a choir director are limited.  Principal Janeway has taken a particular interest in expanding the music program.  Fortunately, that plan doesn't include a marching band.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure what that plan does include, except for the possibility of hiring a choir person to take over the vocal music program as early as Fall 2014.  I like Janeway, and I think her intentions are far purer than those of Principal Palpatine, but I admit that I feel left out of the loop.  That's assuming there is a loop - people around here have been a little ready-fire-aim as of late.


My department chair has also been voicing her opinion about what should happen with the music program as well, which includes the ability for individual 'contemporary' student musicians to receive some recognition through the music department as well.  But see - the 'do your own thing' approach works better in visual arts (her medium) than it does in music.

But the foremost thing in my mind is the simple fact that I'm not ready to give up the vocal program yet.  To be honest, I've known that this was a possibility for a while know - maybe even an inevitability.  But it's all happening too fast.

I don't know, maybe I'm just the parent who doesn't want their kid to grow up.  Ever.

It's going to be an interesting Summer, that's for sure.

...its own reward.

I spent a considerable amount of my President's holiday doing work for school.  I did manage to stay away from my classroom - but I basically just substituted that with my mancave at home (all the same distractions, and walking distance to a food source).  Doing work on down time is basically a way of avoiding that feeling I get when I know I've wasted a significant amount of time doing nothing.  That feeling is intensified if I managed to bring not one, but several projects home - only to leave them untouched in the corner of the mancave.  Really, it's amazing how bored one can get while ignoring a mountain of work in favor of staying in bed playing Candy Crush.

Well, mission accomplished.  And while I can't complain that I didn't do anything - I still have the feeling that I didn't do enough.  In my mind, I'm gauging the number of projects I finished vs. the number of promises I made.  Given how much work I did put in... I'm trying to tell that voice to shut up. One of my problems is that when I have extra time to do something, I start getting meticulous.  Projects that I would normally pound out in an hour or two get stretched into a day and a half, because I can't find the right font, or something about the formatting bugs me.  I also get caught up in side projects - like trying to find some bit of freeware that lets me do a very specific task that will only *slightly* decrease my overall work time (of course, this is negated by the time it took to set it up).  Despite that kind of thing slowing me down, the results are pretty awesome, and I'm usually pretty proud of what I come up with.

While every project I finish gets stored in the vault as something that I'll be able to use forever, I am starting to come to terms with the reality that I won't be teaching forever.  In fact, it freaks me out a little that I probably have fewer years left in my career than I've already put in.  So at what point does the work that I'm doing become not worth the effort, given that I'm unlikely to use some of this stuff more than once or twice?  Moreover, what do I do with it once I'm retired?  I imagine I'll find some young fresh-out-of-college music teacher, hand them a hard drive with a wink and say "Pay it forward, kid"

The only thing is... what I'm benefiting most from is not the final product, but the process of doing it.  Sure, I can hand over all my stuff, but would I really just delay the process of a young teacher kicking themselves into gear?  I had plenty of material to steal from - teachers have a way of giving their stuff away.  I still preferred my own crude self-made tools, flawed as they were.  It was the only way I was going to learn.  Or.... maybe I was just stubbornly re-inventing the wheel.

Regardless, I'm probably going to continue doing what I do until I retire, and maybe even beyond that.  I watched my dad retire into a nearly inert pile of flesh in front of the TV - I promised myself I would try to have something planned - like being a 'consulting music teacher',  a volunteer woodwind coach, or someone to pound out transcriptions or special arrangements on Finale. Certainly, I'll keep giving private lessons.  In any case, whatever it is will probably keep me alive for a few years longer.  Hard work is, after all....

Goodbye.... we hardly knew ye.....

Well, my student teacher's stretch at NRHS is officially over.  She stopped coming about a week ago, although she did manage to contact me to ask for a letter of recommendation... which... I'm not sure I can bring myself to write.  It doesn't help that, while I did not recommend her for a credential, the university may have pushed her through.  That's the feeling I get, anyway.


*sigh*

Probably the scariest thing throughout this experience was the extent to which she reminded me of myself in my first two or three years of teaching.  Of course, my memory is biased, and you all know I have a talent for criticizing myself.   Even so, there's a question that hovers in my mind:  How is it fair that I got a second chance to prove myself, and yet I would deny her the same?  I had a lot of the same weaknesses - lack of organization, bad classroom management, so-so musical knowledge for a music major, and non-existent pedagogy skills on anything but saxophone...  and don't even get me started on the paperwork.

I already have answers to that question (and I also already know that fairness really isn't an issue):  1) I obviously had the potential to grow, which I did, especially during my masters program.   2) Despite my weaknesses, I had some natural strengths.  When I watch her teach, she doesn't seem to have much to balance out her weaknesses, and I think she has some cognitive/processing issues that interfere with her ability to grow.  I seriously doubt her ability to survive a graduate degree.

I really don't feel bad about my final recommendation - I guess I feel a little funny denouncing her inadequacy and mediocrity, when I'm still struggling with my own.  Maybe that just means that there's still hope for me ;-)

Kinda what I thought would happen....

I tried something new this year regarding concert absences.  Got the idea from a friend of mine.
Any student who misses one of the major concerts because of illness, or is 'excused' by the administration can make up the performance points by participating in a "make-up concert."  The student in question has to show up to my room on the designated date at the designated time.  (after school) They have to bring two audience members.  We set up an impromptu performance space in the front of the room, as well as audience seating.  Every participating student will have to perform their parts in front of the assembled audience while the concert recording is played through the rooms audio system ( so that they are, in fact, performing with the group... kind of)  The students must stay until all of the make-up performances are done. I set the date and sent out the notifications to the students who were eligible.  I got replies.

Today was the day.  Not a single kid showed up.   One kid's dad and brother tried to be there as his 'audience'.... boy, was he pissed (fortunately, not at me).  That kid did finally appear... about an hour later after his father left, and I was locking up. 

I'm not sure how this is going to play out.  Administration may require me to give every kid who failed to show another chance, since their initial absence was 'excused'.    It might get messy over the next week or so - good thing finals week is actually kind of light for me. I have time to thresh it out.

It didn't quite work out this time, but I think I'll try this idea again for the next concert series.  When I announced what the 'make-up' would be for concerts, I seemed to get the reaction I was hoping for - no one wanted to do it.  It's more of a pain in the ass than the actual concert is, and not worth faking sick.

All in a days work

What an emotion-packed day....

I made one girl squeal with joy by inviting her to join our advanced choir second semester.

I crushed my students teacher's dreams by giving her a "does not meet standards" on her final evaluation.

I freaked my band out by bearing my soul a little and getting all weepy-eyed when talking about my own emotional connection with a piece of music.

Let's see what's in store for me at home ;-)

The Keys of the Kingdom

Welcome to 2014.

I'm starting the New Year by handing three of my classes over to my student teacher for two full weeks.  I'm not supposed to be in the room.  I'm kind of afraid *not* to be in the room.

:-/

....yeah....