All Kinds of Crap

Man what a week. I need more dead presidents to celebrate.

EPISODE XOXOX: PALPATINE STRIKES BACK

So yeah, she came back. I thought as much. It was too good to be true. On Tuesday I saw her for the first time in almost a month. Today, I finally heard her speak. Faculty meeting. I was able to handle it until she brought up the test scores.

So yeah, here are my favorite parts -

"It is not OK for us to continue to go down two years in a row. We are only #2 because someone else dropped lower than us"

"You people who think the tests have nothing to do with your area - P.E., Art, Music.... you need to be talking to your students about the tests. It isn't fair to put all the responsibility on the academic teachers."

"We need you to go out and show your passion!"

I don't know what it is, but I want to break something every time she uses the word "passion."
Jesus Tap Dancin' Christ!

You know.... here's all the motivational speech I need: Just tell me that the tests are a reality that we have to deal with. Remind me that the scores are linked to funding, that low scores means government intervention. Just tell us to go and do the best we can. Don't tell me that it's the most important thing we can strive for. For God's sake, don't use the word "passion."

Why hasn't she noticed that the large batch of Kool-Aid she mixed up is still sitting in the little dixie-cups on the table?

I AM SUCH A WUSS

So yeah... about the lame drum coach I don't have the guts to fire. He hasn't been payed since September. Paperwork snafu. I used it to my advantage.

(cel phone call)

"Hey Dan"

"Hey"

"Ummmm.... good news and bad news."

"Uh Oh"

"The good news is I ironed out the paperwork. You should get a check soon."

"Okay..."

"The bad news is the district is pulling the rest of the funding. ummm... yeah... cut backs... I'm losing all my assistants."

"Aww dude. You know, it's happening everywhere."

"Yeah... damn Schwartzenegger... anyway um..."

"Maybe next year?"

"Yeah... um... give me a call."

Choices, choices.....

Lets see.....

Grade AP Theory papers or crawl in bed and watch "The Incredible Mr. Limpet"

(yeah.... I bought it on DVD)

....this one's a no-brainer....

It Was In The Stars

There were two possible jobs that might have lured me away from *MY SCHOOL* One was a local school, high Asian population. Big orchestra program. The only problem is that from what I understand, the kids will regularly miss rehearsals (official class time) with the blessings of their parents to get extra study time in. It's been the culture there for almost a decade. But they already have an outside guy who does marching band. Thats a big plus. Still, something about the place bugs me. the temptation hasn't been too intense

The other was a school thats some ways north of here. I know about it because I keep running into kids from there at the summer program I work for. Affluent area. Good feeder program. But the director.... well, former director, was an ass. Major anger management issues, and was basically just phoning in his daily routine. The kids have been miserable for years... and they desperately want a better teacher. And the former guy, he's been bitching and complaining and threatening to retire for years. I was keeping an eye on it, especially lately. It sounded like the kind of place that I could mold very nicely. But I don't really feel like moving, and the commute would be unbearable.

Anyway, the second school is no longer an option. They just got a new director. I know this because she's a friend of mine. (Former student, actually.... from long before I was at *MY SCHOOL*) She just e-mailed me and told me she got the job and wanted some advice. I told her that she should just go in and follow her instincts, becuase from what I understood, anyone who would have put in half an effort would have been a major improvement.

But this girl... Arwen (yeah... named after that Arwen) she isn't just anyone. Shes a great musician, heavy training in both instrumental and vocal music. She's also just a darn good human being. Stepping back, it all makes sense. I might have done well, but the Powers that Be were definitely saving that school for her. I can;t wait to see what she does with it.

Grade-A Ass-Kicking

That's right kids... three blogs in one day!

So, I told you about Ihop Alan, the retired musicican with whom I share the Ihop breakfast counter. After asking me a couple of times to come and play with him at *FANCY SCHMANCY* restaurant, I finally agreed. That was tonight. I dragged my wife down to *FANCY SCHMANCY*... handed my car over to the valet, slung my horn over my shoulder and walked in. Alan was in the bar warming up with the piano player. It was crowded. He saw me, waved me over and the night began. How did it go?

... holy shit!.....

Okay, let me tell you about my playing skills. I'm a pretty solid ensemble player. I can do decent work with a majority of the stuff you put in front of me. I am not a professional player. Alan is a professional player (or at least was.) From the minute I pulled my horn out of the case, school was in session, and I was sitting in the corner wearing the "Dunce" cap.

To be fair, on most tunes I did a fairly good job of holding the key signature. My major failure of the evening was blowing chunks on "Route 66." It's a blues in C. I blew a chart that basically called for me to hold a blues scale in C. For those of you not in the know, that's kind of like a chef forgetting how to boil water. The rest of the songs went okay, but I'll tell you it was pretty obvious between the two of us which one was the heavy player. Alan never so much as gave me a funny look, but I still felt kind of embarrassed about how I was playing.

The neat thing about the evening was that I got to accompany a couple of really talented singers. The first was a black lady (She didn't have a "Big-Momma" build, but she sure had the attitude and the voice to match.) I've never head Summertime done better. The other was a blind lady who came up to the microphone and sang the shit out of L-O-V-E.

After about an hour and a half I threw in the towel. Despite how I felt about my playing, I wasn't having a particularly bad time. A trumpet player showed up, and being that I knew we weren't going to fit four of us behind the piano, I took the opportunity to bow out. I also used the excuse of getting my wife home: When I glanced over, she was looking fed up with sitting at the bar talking to the "OC" wives and watching the 50-something manager flirt with all the 20-somethings in miniskirts.

As the valet brought the car around, she looked at me and asked "so?"

....."Holy Shit!"......

I'm glad I did it. Really, I am. It's been a while since I've been the weakest musician in the room... and it's only when you're in a situation that makes you uncomfortable that you experience growth.

Speaking of Eyes.....

I'm having Lasik surgery next week.

It will be strange, I've worn glasses for a majority my life. The kids are joking that I'll need to wear empty frames in order for people to recognize me. I may need it to recognize myself.

I've just started to realize how this is going to affect me as a teacher and as a musician:

1) It doesn't help that I have adult ADD (Actually, I don't know this for sure, but given my highly-distractable nature... it would make sense.) In addition, aving a limited field of vision has probably added to the number of things that happen in my class that I don't react to but should. It will be interesting to see if my radar range will increase.

2) I've admitted to myself recently that I don't look at my ensembles enough when I conduct. Usually, I'm head-down in the score... that's bad. Now, the real reason for it is just not knowing the score well enough. But part of it is just a lack of courage: When you look a player in the eyes, you enforce your will upon them. Now, I'm a pretty laid back, casual guy. I don't like to think of myself as being a forceful conductor... but eye contact is necessary. I know this from my rather extensive training in conducting, and yet I can't seem to lift my eyes from the stand for more than a fraction of a second. every few bars. What little eye contact I've made has been through the safety of the filter of my glasses. I've also noticed recently how often I'll look at player over the edge of the lenses, so that their faces are blurry (it makes it easier). But in just a few days, I'll have nothing to hide behind. I'm looking forward to the challenge.

The Eye of the Storm.

Two weeks without Palpatine.... Three, really, counting the coming week off.

You know, there's a rumor going around the staff that she isn't coming back; that the district is "relocating" her. I don't know how much faith I should put in that, so I'm preparing to see her face when I come back after break. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the rejuvenation I've seen in the last few weeks (most evident in the return of my more workaholic tendencies). I've definitely increased my productivity in the absence of the Imperial presence.

Ah.... contentment... even if it's just temporary, it is welcomed nonetheless. A whole week off... free from both CLAD and Palpatine... how do I celebrate? By coming to school on a Saturday, sitting in my office with a reed knife trying to turn a bad reed into a good one without accidentally reducing it to a toothpick. By sitting down with a copy of the Glazunov Concerto for Saxophone and playing until my cheeks give out. By tidying up my office, putting all the toys back in their regular shelf spots, and putting all the loose sheets of music in their folders. By arranging the chairs and music stands in neat little evenly-spaced rows. In short, by falling in love with my classroom again.

It's been a hard days night....

Yup... Today kinda sucked. Not in any big kinda way... a bunch of little ways. People telling me that they have a conflict with my upcoming Jazz event. (important people... like the drummer.) And 3rd period was just hard. I think it's really starting to bug me how that class isn't working.... but I don't see a way out. Actually, part of the problem is that I don't have time to just sit down and just think/plan/scheme.

Also, I gave out a test in AP theory. This year I have a couple of cheat-bunnies, so I have to put energy into multi-version tests. That pissed me off because I underestimated the time that it would take to format them, and I ended up giving up my break and barely getting the tests copied off. Hard test: it kicked most of their asses.

One good thing: I got my transcripts back from my CLAD classes and dropped them off at the district. It's the penultimate step to being CLAD free. That felt good. And I got to see some people at the DO that I like.

The Lord giveth....

...and the Lord taketh away. Sometimes, he does both at the same time.

Take Mr. Lazy Senior Saxophonist. Just yesterday he dropped out of jazz band without so much as an explanation. At least he brought back the school's tenor sax. I think they don't talk to me because they're afraid I'll react badly. Sometimes I'm glad they don't talk to me because I'd have a hard time concealing my joy. The very same day a new student shows up. Transfer. Tenor sax player. I had one horn available.... the one Mr. Lazy brought back. How convenient.

Oh ,and Ms. I'm-obnoxious-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it? She's gone too. She came to me yesterday at lunch begging for a note to her counselor that says I approve of the transfer. I said, "Who is your counselor? I'll just go talk to them during my prep." She said hurridley "Umm.... can I just get a note now? I want to go talk to him now." I shrugged and reached for a pen. This is where she felt the need to let me down easy: "Ummm... I like the class and all.. but that final exam... having to get up and sing in front of people... I can't do that again." She grabbed the noted almost before I was finnished signing it. As soon as the door to my office closed, I said. "That's why I do the final. To discourage people who are here for the wrong reasons."

Second SemesterTrade-Offs

People who should have switched out of music who didn't:

Mr. Complete-lack-of-motivation-broke-two-instruments and-lost-three-method-books

Mr. I-have-nothing-better-to-do-than-chew-on-my-shirt-during-class

Ms. I'm-going-to-giggle-chew-gum-and-talk-smack-about-people

Mr. I-never-wanted-to-be-here-can't-I-just-listen-to-my-iPod?

Ms. I'm-obnoxious-and-there's-nothing-you-can-do-about-it

People who managed to find greener pasture somewhere else:

Mr. Dangerous-combination-of-poor-social-skills-and-bad-judgment

Mr. I-enjoy-being-an-asshole

Ms. No-explanation-I-just-dropped

People who were.... relocated against their will:

Mr. Troubled-but-enthusiastic

Mr. Angry-at-the-world-I'll-destroy-your-class-and-think-it's-funny

People who switched into music:

Mr. I'm-here-to-save-the-viola-section

Mr. Please-let-me-in-drum-line-I'll-bring-my-own-snare

Ms. My-friends-say-you're-an-awesome-teacher-I-like-you-already

Mr. I'm-your-TA-now-hey-can-I-go-to-Starbucks?

Warm Fuzzies

So... I work for this youth orchestra on the weekends, right? (I've said so many times). The organization actually breaks down into four different performing groups. For the last two years, I've traded off conducting the top level group. This year, they hired a hot-shot new conductor (Lets call him Brad... looks and talks kind of like a surfer) who pretty much took over the conducting for that orchestra, while the program director (Lets call him Robert) and I shared the middle orchestra.

Now, despite the slight sting on the ego, I didn't really say anything. Brad is really good, he's got a much firmer hand than either Robert or myself (but he's not a jerk about it), and he's got a string background which means that he knows how to talk technique with the sections that comprise 75% of the orchestra. It makes sense (plus, he's just flat out a really nice guy.... hard to hold a grudge there.) But I did miss conducting that group, as well as working on the top shelf repertoire.

Today, Brad and Robert decided that they wanted to take rehearsal time to listen to auditions of kids who wanted to enter in the concerto competition. (Usually, Robert sets it up for after the rehearsal, but apparently Brad couldn't stay). So.... that means both Brad and Robert were out and someone had to conduct the top group. The only other music staff besides myself (Lets call her Susan) was busy with the beginning group, which was rehearsing at the same time next door. That left me.

Of course, Robert set this up last week, but forgot to tell me. I found out this right as I got to the rehearsal (still smelling like pancakes and reflecting on the morning's talk with Alan). You'd think I would have jumped for joy, but I was more concerned about being able to lead a meaningful rehearsal without having studied the score. Plus, after having been moved to the lower group... I started questioning whether or not I'd be a good substitute.

So half way through the rehearsal,the orchestra went on break Brad and Robert set up auditions in a practice room. After 20 minutes they called all the kids back in. I got up on the podium and started to introduce myself to the new kids who didn't know me... and they started cheering for me. I didn't know what to say except "I missed you guys, too."

Yeah, that was awesome.

****

Speaking of the middle orchestra: At the beginning of the year I made a crack about "evil llamas".. and since then evil llamas have been a running joke with us. Every week I draw a new evil llama on the board... mostly movie related:

Darth Llama
Lord of the Llamas (One llama to rule them all)
Termillama (I'll be *BaAAAAck*)
Godzillama
Voldellama

Next week, I figure I may go classic hollywood, like Frankenllama or Llama from the Black Lagoon. Heeeyyyyyy... Dracullama!

But I'm going to run out of llama ideas soon. I'll take suggestions.... really.....

*****

Ihop Alan quote of the day:

It disturbs me that kids don't practice with metronomes. They don't understand time. You know, music should reflect life. Any if you think about it...the most important issue in life is time!