Monkey on a typewriter

Apparently, if you have a million principals sitting at a million computers writing a million e-mails about marching band.... they will eventually produce one from sheer will.

One of the most frustrating things about P is that P knows very little about the marching band world, but apprently thats enough to make all sorts of suggestions (or demands... or "Jedi mind trick" assertions.)

P says that we need to have band camp, because apparently every school that shes worked with has band camp. The most successful schools run band camp starting in June. So if we had band camp, we'd have a marching band.

Problem: Band camp isn't a recruiting tool. Band camp is a training tool. We don't have marching band because of band camp, we have band camp because marching band requires it. People have band camp so that they can be ready for the first half time show at the first football game. People who start band camp in June do so because of an obsessive need to get an edge on the competitive marching season. I have no such obsession, I and I'm not about to start one.

Plus.... my summers are spoken for. Period.

P also wants me to showcase our band at our forthcoming open house. Not the jazz band... no no... that's not the group that we need to build . We have to showcase the marching band.

Problem: We don't have a marching band to showcase. I was giving P funny looks on this one... I kind of figured basic logic would have kicked in. I very gently pointed out that you can't use bait that you don't have. If P wants a marching band, first we need kids who play the right instruments. Right now the instruments that we would need to recruit the most can only be found in our jazz band. So if we want to make those instruments look attractive, we're going to have to show them the jazz group. Either that or we hire ringers.

Would somebody please explain to P that using the words "marching band" four times a minute in every conversation is not going to have any kind of a subliminal effect on me?

That conversation was cut short by a minor disaster... a car accident happening just outside the school. I don't know if anyone was hurt. I hope not. That way I can thank God for delivering me temporarily from evil. (Did I mention that I'm agnostic?)

If you give a mouse a cookie....

I've been doing the logistic run-around all day. My goal was simply to do task X, but in order to do that, I need to do task Y... but task Y can't be done until I update all the information from file Z, which requires go through my e-mail and find all the relevant information. So I open up my e-mail and find a load of new e-mails regarding project Q, which has suddenly become complicated because the person in charge on the other end of the paper shufle is out on jury duty for a month, and hasn't sent along any of the important information to P office...

I wanted to go home early tonight, but here I am trudging through this, and I'm quickly running out of letters to assign my headaches.

If I ever decide to do an over-night trip again, please shoot me.

Oh yeah... that's why I do this

Spent a good part of the day at the CMEA convention (California Music Educators Association). I basically went to help promote the summer music institution that I work for. I always forget that I usually see a lot of people that I know at these things. There were a lot of reunions. Colleagues, former teachers that I haven't seen in a while.

I met a couple of former students... one who is now in her first year as a music teacher, and the other who is a music major at San Jose state. One of them came up to me and gave me a big hug and said "thank you" before she said anything else. I looked at her and said "What did I do?" She said that she had just come out of a workshop with some professor from XXXX university, who said that "You don't remember the teacher who taught you how to play an F sharp on your instrument. You remember the one that made music mean something to you emotionally."

I needed that.

I also have to learn to leave my credit card home when I go to these things. The exhibitors floor is usually way too tempting.

*sigh*

It all evens out....

So, yesterday we have a committee for the California Distinguished Schools come and visit our campus. Apparently we have a shot at being an official "Distinguished School". When I was first hired at *MY SCHOOL* we had a principal who was into getting this kind of stuff for our school (CDS, Blue Ribbon, etc.) So here we are doing it again. Okay.... sure.

The process involved the committee walking around and looking at our campus, going into classes, sitting in on our pep rally (which our jazz band played at.....well). So ,when do they choose to visit my classes?) About 40 minutes after the assembly, I've got jazz kids still stashing equipment, I've got the AP theory kids lounging around finnishing (or pretending to) a workbook assignment. It generally didn't look like a structured class environment.

Luckily for me (oh and where was I?.... in my office on the internet.... heh) some of the kids jumped on the two committee members when they walked in the door and kept them occupied (talking about our program and generally pulling good PR out of their butts). I was able to get ou there finally and talk to them... and they didn't seem put off by the general chaos of the class.

But what made it all good was the fact that the rest of the committee came through (in groups of two and three) during my orchestra class.... right when we're working on Vivaldi's Winter. Right when *CONCERTMASTER* was burning through a violin solo so furiously that the rosin looked like smoke coming off of her strings. To boot, I had *MY ASSISTANT* working with the beginner string players in an adjacent room, thereby demonstrating a carefully planned environment that promotes diversified instruction.

Yeah, we rock.

Out of the mouths of babes...

One of my college professors once told me one of the best thoughts I ever heard. It came from his seven year old kid:

"If I were God, I'd make it so that every piece of trash trown on the ground would magically appear on the bed of the person who put it there."

That would certainly solve the world's litter problem, wouldn't it?

If I were God, I'd make it so that every person who thought that high school music programs should be about marching band would hear no music except for marching band. For life.

No man is an island

Two reasons for that title:

1) One of the big differences between *MY SCHOOL* and *MY LAST SCHOOL* is that at *MY LAST SCHOOL* I didn't have anywhere to turn for support (even just emotional support). Here, I have more than a few places to go and people to talk to... and at the very least, I do not feel alone. In fact, I was waaaaaay less alone than I thoughtI was. That's something.... in fact, that's a lot of something.

2) No man is an island, just as no music is learned in a vacuum. One of the things that gets me about Weasle, is that for all of his confidence regarding his playing ability, he forgets that he did not emerge ala Venus from the sea foam as a gifted player. There's only one way that he could have picked up his playing skills... he listened to me.

I have big issues with people who put little effort into their playing, but much bigger issues with good players with little humility. You can't make good music if your ego gets in between you and the composer.

Hello darkness my old friend....

Had the meeting today. I've been told that the principal sees no passion in my program, hence my enrollment has been low (not lack of passion for what I do, but lack of passion for showing it to other people.). I've been told that my handling of certain situations with certain students was inappropriate.

I'm not even sure I can write about it now with a clear head. Maybe all I need to do is write how I feel.

I am so gripped by fear. Not fear of a stupid marching band.... but fear about what's going to happen tomorrow when I show up to work. I'm afraid of whats going to happen in 0 period. I'm afraid that I'll finally admit to myself that I'll never have the strength or the courage to do what really needs to be done. I'm afraid that the last ten years of my career have been a sham... that what I am underneath my public image as teacher extraordinaire is a person who is ultimately unprepared for this job. I haven't had this much fear since *MY LAST SCHOOL*.... and what I dread most is coming back to the same crossroads I stood at almost ten years ago... the thought that maybe I should have been an accountant.

Heh... the kids would tell me I'm being totally... what's the word?... emo.

Allright, just for the sake of getting all the ugly out....

I am too afraid of damaging relationships with students to discipline them
I care too much about what the students think of me.
I play favorites
I do not hold my students to high standards
I am an obnoxiously easy "A"
I am frequently lazy and unprepared
I develop strong personal biases against individual students
I am a hypocrite
I fear confrontation more than anything
I am inconsistent with my policies and procedures.
I am unorganized
I waste large amounts of time in class
I fail to communicate with people
I procrastinate like no other
I fail to thank people properly for the things they have done for me.

yeah... that's it... that's whats eating me up. I know that anyone who reads this, knows me and loves me will immediately want to rescue me from this. I don't know that it's necessary... I'm just putting in writing what the little voices have been telling me for years.

I'm tired now, I'm going to go home.

Once more into the breach

I have another meeting with my principal (P) tomorrow. I'm not ready for it. The time I was supposed to spend getting ready for it was instead spent on completing another CLAD class. At least this time I didn't stay up all night. Oh and I also promised my AP Theory kids that I would have all of their stuff graded and returned tomorrow. Not even close.

So I may just have enough time to whip up something for my meeting during my prep to face the ordeal I know is coming later.

P is going to want to know what I'm doing to recruit for marching band. I'm going to tell P that I'm recruiting for the instrumental music department, and if P wants to hire someone to form a marching band out of that... P can go right ahead.

But at the very least I need to have something to show P... to show that I'm not just sitting on my ass going "Wow, I wish I had more students." I have a good start... a modified pamphlet I can distribute to the elementaries. I do have a plan for recruitment, I just need to write it down. But in the end, I know that what I'm going to gun for is now what P wants, and I think tomorrow I'm going to be honest about that. (Although I don't know why it's needed at this point, P knows where I stand. I think P wants to know if I'm wearing down yet.)

It will be interesting to see if the student I complained about in my blog (let's call him "Weasle") a few days ago will work into this. I know he's still trying to undermine me, but I don't think he has anywhere near as much influence as he thinks. But he is trying to suck up to P (not just because of me... he wants to be *MY SCHOOL*'s top student, and hes going about it in the most slimy, claw-your-way-to-the-top, suck-up-to-everyone-who-counts way)... and part of me wouldn't be suprised if their interaction got in the mix somehow.

Phht... it doesn't matter that I'm going to crawl in bed... I'm not sleeping tonight.

I quote an obscure band from the 80s (Toy Matinee):

"There was one repressed do-gooder, and a few who still believe.
Yes, I think there were five good men here yesterday, but they were asked to leave."

-from Last Plane Out

Greener pastures?...

It's nice to know that I have people in my corner. I work for two institutions outside of the school, one is a summer music program while the other is a youth orchestra that meets on weekends. When the woes of public school are weighing in, it's good to know that there are places in the world where the validity of what I do is fully realized.

Today I relayed my current frustrations with *MY PRINCIPAL* (P) to my colleagues in the youth orchestra. The director of the program, a very kindly university professor, put his hand on my shoulder and said "So... do we need to find you a new job?" I responded "Not yet," But I smiled because it occured to me that if it came to that, I wouldn't be out wandering the wilderness alone.

Let me tell you something about *MY SCHOOL*... before I came here, I was in a bad situation. My first teaching gig was in a place that didn't promote good self-esteem. In fact, when I left that environment, I thought that my problems were a result of my inadequacies as a teacher. When I came to *MY SCHOOL* I had half-a-mind to leave the profession alltogether.
Then I found myself in a place where the community was infinitely more supportive and appreciative... and lo and behold, I discovered that I wasn't a bad teacher. In fact, I started to feel as if I had a lot to give. You don't go through something like that without developing a bond with said community.

So, what's angering me the most about all of this is that I'm starting to entertain thoughts about looking around... and I really don't want to have those thoughts. *MY SCHOOL* was supposed to be the place that I retired from... that I dedicated a lifetime of teaching to. I wanted to have a plaque for me hanging in the hallway just like *FORMER MUSIC TEACHER*

Furthermore, I don't want to use my resignation as a threat against P. I doubt that it would work. P would probably just go out and hire someone who was willing to do the job that P wants me to do. (Although P doesn't quite understand... very few people out there would be enthusiastic about working at *MY SCHOOL* because the enrollment and feeders are miniscule, and because the assignment pulls whoever sits in the captain's chair in six different directions. And let's not forget the fact that I'm teaching six classes and getting paid for five ) P would find someone to work here, no doubt, but quality of said person might be sketchy. No one with a reputation would touch this place. Instrumental people would be scared away by the vocal classes. Vocal people would be scared away by the instrumental classes.
To find someone who cares enough to do what it takes to make this program work... well, I don't know where they would find someone like that.

But again, P wouldn't think it was a problem. In fact, I think if I did quit, P would shave the schedule down to band only (maybe a choir class). Say goodbye to orchestra, say goodbye to AP Theory (Two classes that add considerable respectability to our program.) And the funny thing is that the integrity of the department would be flushed down the toilet.... and P would never know the difference. How do I know? I've seen it happen.... more than once.

A good friend of mine with similar values once taught at the high school of the town I lived in at the time. She was trying to maintain a sense of artistry within the program, but was meeting resistance from her administration and to an extent, from some of the students and parents involved. Finally she got fed up and quit... moved her act to a new high school opening up in the next town. So the school re-hired a guy who used to be the band director there about a decade before (a horrible hack of a teacher)... and the band went from playing decent repertoire back to bad arrangements of movie themes and out-dated pop songs.

Once, when my pep band was visiting during an away football game, this guy invited me to watch his field show from the press box. I was up there watching an embarassingly bad 50's rock medley set to drill, when the principal bursts in, shakes the director's hand and proclaims "My God! the band is BACK... in SPADES!" I had to pull a fake coughing fit to hide my reaction.

And what happened to my friend?... she now runs one of the best band programs in her area, and has probably the only orchestra within a thirty mile radius. And her old school never missed her...

But then she never had a reason to look back. I do. I know I would be missed. Missed by the people who count. And I also know I'd be letting go of the glory that *MY SCHOOL* could have been.

Click away while you still can...

There once was a teacher from Baghdad
Who was fired for not having his CLAD
As part of his pleas
He blamed WMDs
But excuses made admins even more mad.


Okay, it was kinda cute up until the last line... I admit. I just spent another three hours working on my CLAD stuff, and it's made me a little loopy.

Mutiny on the high seas.....

It's official... I now have a student who has declared war on me. I've had students dislike me before, but we're talking about going-to-the-principal-with-smack-talk kind of stuff. Now, this in itself doesn't distress me a whole lot... the kid in question is generally recognized as a socially akward, arrogant bastard. I don't think much will come of it.

What angers me is the effort I've invested in this kid since he transferred to *MY SCHOOL*. I gave him private lessons, I spent a considerable amount of the school's music budget on refurbishing an old (but good) instrument for him to play, and recently I signed all of his paperwork to get him into a local honor group (and yes... he needs my approval before they accept him.)

Now the kid is trying to rally support from other kids in the group. He wants to get something of a coup going against me (maybe get me fired... who knows.) He has a few on his side, I think... all kids that I could do without.

This guy walking out the door is like Dennis Rodman walking away from professional basketball. I mean yeah, the guy has skills but....Jesus!

Pennies from Heaven

So... my principal (P) wants to meet with me again on Monday. I'm not exactly sure what more there is to be said. From the e-mail P had the secretary send out, it looks like P wants to know what my strategy is for recruiting for ba... um... for the music department. I'm relieved that P takes the music class enrollment seriously. I'm sure that together, we'll build a program that promotes artistry and musical excellence.


In other news, it seems that when things are starting to look down, God drops a power-up on the screen. Right below P's secretary's e-mail was this little gem:

*SCHOOL COUNSELOR* asked me to email you in regards to our son starting at **SCHOOL** during the first week in April. He is a 9th grader and has been playing Tuba since 6th grade. We are originally from*BFE* and transferred to *SOME OTHER PLACE* at second semester. He is currently playing in their advanced band and marching band. Now we are relocating to *YOUR TOWN* and he will be playing for you. She would like to know where she should place him.

If you knew how hard tuba players are to come by, you might understand my excitement over this. I just might have to throw a parade for this kid when he shows (Oh, the irony!)

By the dawn's early light....

Well kids... it's bright and early on this fine Monday morning. Well, it's early anyway. The "bright" part doesn't come in until the sun decides to show his lazy ass... which won't be for at least another hour. I wish I could say that I jumped out of bed with enthusiasm, but the truth is, I haven't been in bed since yesterday morning so... yeah.

I didn't mean to stay up all night. I was working on my CLAD work (yipee) when I got finnished around 2 a.m. I started picking at stuff for school and the next thing you know I figured it would be better if I just stayed up and powered through the day. So I went back to work and got some well-needed lesson planning and repertoire finding done.

Now I have to admit... I could have gotten some of this done earlier in the weekend, but Friday and Saturday were spent fighting off the flu, and yesterday was spent getting in some well-needed quality time with the wife.

The scary part is, I got more done in the last few hours than I think I did all last week. So how long do you think I can keep that up?

Catch you on the flip side. Next Stop: Starbucks

Dammit Jim, I'm an ARTIST not a SHOWMAN!

Imagine what it would be like if you were a medical researcher trying to cure cancer, but the people funding you wanted instead for you to work on an improved silicon breast implant. That's what it feels like being a music teacher in the American public school system.

I will tell you now that the reason I am a music educator is because the greatest gifts given to me were musical. They were the product of the sweat, tears and joy of the greatest musical minds who wrote their lives out on parchment and left them behind for the rest of us to benefit from.

But it would seem that such things are not valued like they once were. Music is for entertainment, not for personal enlightenment. And music in a high school program... well, it would seem that the music departments top priority should focus on being PR machines for the school.

So where did we go wrong? One might ask that about education in general. After all, everything in this world seems to have a value that can be expressed as a number: your income, your credit rating, your GPA, your IQ. And as such, why should the arts not have their numbers assigned? In the professional world, it is well known that that music which is the most successful, is that which is the most profitable. In fact, I've heard more than once: "The further you get from real music, the more money there is in it."

Thus does the true artist suffer for their art.

I run a small progam at a small high school. There is currently no marching program, and there hasn't been one for many years (since well before my time.) Now, my administration (under relitevly new leadership) is laying on the heat for me to develop one.

Bleah...

I've spent the last nine years trying to develop a conservatory-like program, that focuses on quality repertoire and a genuine understanding of the music making process. The problem is that no one wants to hear Mozart or Miles Davis at a football game, and no one ever brought home a trophy for being able to identify a German sixth chord. And it would seem that those are the kinds of things my current principle wants to see... cheering crowds at sports events, and trophies (because how else can you judge worth unless someone has given an "official" opinion that you are better than someone else?)

So the principal approaches me about my low enrollment, saying that we have to do something to get kids to sign up for band. To this I agree... however, my definition of band is something different (No uniforms, no drill charts... basically sit-down tuxedo-and-black-dress music with wind instruments). Of course, in the same conversation, the principal notices the low orchestra numbers and says "Have you considered dropping that class?"

....I almost didn't know how to respond. So let me get this straight: The class that is the closest to the principal's vision of the music department must be salvaged at all cost, and the class that involves the medium for which the greatest composers of all time wrote instrumental music is fair game for the chopping block. Is it possible to be more ignorant of the arts? Is it possible to be more shallow? If this principal ever gives up being a school administrator, I think Hollywood should come knocking, because they would find overly competent mover-and-shaker on their hands, perfect for their needs.

From Handelian Anecdotes - http://www.gfhandel.org/anecdotes.htm

When Messiah was first performed in London (1743), when the chorus struck up, 'For the Lord God omnipotent reigneth' ['Hallelujah Chorus'), reportedly the audience and King [George II] stood and remained standing untill the chorus had ended. Some days after the first performance, Handel visited Lord Kinnoul. His lordship paid him compliments on "the noble entertainment". Handel is said to have remarked,

"My Lord, I should be sorry if I only entertained them; I wished to make them better."