Comfort and Joy

Well, here we are at the beginning of Winter Break. I'm fully prepared to enjoy it as much as possible. My grand and glorious plan to have CLAD done before break didn't quite work out. But you know, had I actually given myself two full weeks of nothing to do, I would have evolved into a video game/ daytime television degenerate. As appealing as it may sound, you start to ponder the meaning of your existence after a few days.

As much as I like caroling, I'm glad the season is over. Especially when the end of the run marked the beginning of the realization that this year's senior class needs to go. It always comes with a little disappointment... and make no mistake... it does inevitably come: students who were once your best and most dedicated suddenly become self absorbed and no longer pull for the good of the group. Our last caroling event of the year... the annual party that happens on the last day of school before break. We meet at one of the students houses for food and drink... then walk around the neighborhood singing to anyone who will hear. This year we sang one or two sets, then a bout a third of the party decided to "go do their own thing" and split off from the main group without saying anything to me. When we caught up with them they said "Oh we lost track of you guys, we didn't know where you went" (using the crowded boardwalk as an excuse). One of my not-so-falky seniors whispered to me under her breath- "Thats BS, they asked me if I wanted to go with them." Later when they rejoined us, the same group of seniors started screwing around while they were singing, and failed to notice that they were phasing out of time with the rest of the group. *sigh*

Unfortunately I'm talking about three out of my four section leaders.... Yeah, it's time.

But before I brood too much about that, let me tell you about this morning:

One of my more dedicated seniors and I took the time to visit a student who had gone to the hospital with a collapsed lung. Unfortunately, he missed both the recent concert and the caroling party. We brought him some goodies, including cards signed by the music classes that he is enrolled in. We happened to catch him when his parents were there; they were impressed that I would come to see him. He seemed to be doing well, although the corrective surgery left him in a bit of pain. His spirits were pretty good, all things considered (He was asleep when we walked in, the first thing he said when he woke up was "I was dreaming that I was eating Chinese food")

On the white board next to his bed was written the details of his care: who the managing doctor was, the nurse, the anesthesiologist... and a space at the bottom labeled "Today's goals" under which a single word: "Comfort" was written. I grabbed the dry erase pen and added "and Joy"
This made him laugh.. which I immediately regretted since it also inspired a small coughing fit. Nonetheless, he kept smiling, and his mother gave me a hug before we left.

"I love it when we don't suck"

...that's a little thing my conducting teacher used to say after concerts. I thought it was funny, so I kept it and use it frequently. Sometimes my students get a little offended: "You mean there are times when we do suck?" Mostly they get the joke. Actually I get fewer funny looks than I do when I use my traditional motivational phrase I stole from Lord of the Rings just before a concert: "You do not know pain, you do not know fear.... you will taste MAN-FLESH"

Any way... concert tonight was good. Logistically it was one of the smoothest ever. One of my student leaders handled all of the set-up. One of the parents handled all of the reception details. I just showed up and waved my arms. It was awesome.

I couldn't help but fire a little torpedo at Papatine at the end as I was giving my last bit to the audience before the final song:

"As pressure form the federal government and state government bears down on education, many of my colleagues turn their arguments in favor of music education towards the benefits of music in improving cognitive skills and test scores. That's all well and good, but I'm a musician because of the effects of beauty on my life. I think everyone should experience beauty... more importantly, I think eveyrone should have the opporunity to unlock the beauty in themselves and let the world see it. That's what music is all about."

I got a standing ovation.

Later, when I was talking to a group of parents, one of them said "I sure Palpatine had been here to hear what you said about test scores." I bit my lip a little. Anyone who knows me knows how deliberate that little speech was. But had the Imperial P actually been there... I don't think it would have made much of a difference. She continued: "You know, it would be nice to see her once in a while."

My accompanist, who loves to play devil's advocate, responded "Well, you know principals are very busy... I'm sure they have a hard time going to every school function."

That's when my ID saw and opening and got a shot in. It just blurted out: "Yeah... besides... she gets to see us at the pep rallies."

One of the parents looked at me with a grin and said "you are so bad!"

Browner Pastures

So on my way home from work I get a call on my cel phone from a guy who used to work for me as a coach, and is now a full time band teacher. I had called him a few weeks ago just to say hi. Left a message on his voice mail. He was just now getting back to me.

He got his first job working for a school in a not so-affluent area of Orange County. After about a year, he went looking for another gig. It turns out he took an assistant band director job at a much bigger school. He has to take orders from another guy, but apparently he's much happier. I hadn't really talked with him in a while, so I wasn't sure what the full story was.

"Was *YOU FORMER SCHOOL* that bad?" I asked him.

"Dude, it was a bloody mess by the time I left," He said. "I decided to do things a little differently from the last band director, and I had students and parents in my office screaming sat me. I decided to drop some of the pep songs that were favorites of the football coach, and he sent the varsity team to come harass me. They actually started telling me what the band would play at the next game."

I was speechless. "Good thing you got out of there," I said.

"I almost didn't," he responded. "When I resigned in May, they tried to strong-arm me into staying, saying that when I was hired, it was for an implied two year term. Lawyers got involved... it was messy. Then the HR people tried to tell me that it was my responsibility to find my own replacement."

You know, I just came back from a holiday party at a home with a multi-million dollar view of the Pacific, hosted by a very generous PTA... and the place was filled with people who tell me how wonderful I am on a regular basis.

Hmmm... maybe I'll put off updating my resume a little.

I want a bottle of Valium for Christmas

The chaos of the holiday season is upon me. I don't even mean the usual decorating/shopping/card sending craziness... I'm talking about the endless string of performances and duties that besiege the working musician. Man, if all I had to do was shop, send cards and decorate, I'd be happy. As it is, I'm not sure how I'm making it through my classes, as well as preparing two major holiday concerts.

Add to this the pressure of trying to finish two CLAD classes before break. I really have until January, but I suspect that all the other procrastinators will be sending their packets in at about the same time, effectively jamming the system. The earlier I can get it in, the better. Of course, it's my fault for not getting started earlier (like I promised myself in August). Still, I think I can get it all done. I think I owe it to myself to not have to worry about it over break. Thats worth a few late nights at the computer.

I thought I could get some good distance on it this weekend; I only had a couple of light caroling gigs and a private lesson. But I forgot my annual appearance at the local Mormon holiday pageant. (This started some years ago when one of the parents asked me to play my instrument in their concert: pound out a couple of jazzy holiday tunes and pick up some instrumental parts on their choral pieces. It's an easy gig, but it does take a chink of time. I've lost track of how many years I've been doing it.)

This year went as smooth as always. The Mormons are generally nice folk. I feel a little weird hanging out in concentrated groups of them... kind of like an evil coffee-drinking, R-rated-movie-watching, occasional-bad-language-using abomination in their midst. But they certainly don't treat me as such, and they feed me pretty well.

Comfort and Joy

So, ever since I've worked at *MY SCHOOL* I've been pretty daring about performing religious music at the holidays. So far, everyone's been cool about it. I'm not particularly religious, I just think that the sacred stuff is better music.

I love caroling season. There's something about assaulting people with random acts of beauty.
And when I have a group of singers out in front of a crowd, I get choked up with pride... literally. I try to sing a long with them, but often I have to stop because I can feel a lump of sentimentality forming in my throat, stealing my breath. I've never told them that, maybe I should.

Tonight, one of my former students tagged along on a gig. He's currently attending a local Christian university. He's pretty involved with their music program. He says there's an opening for a band and orchestra conductor, and thought I might be interested. (Apparently, it's something of an assistant position)

Interesting.... I don't know how qualified I might be. I have a master's in instrumental conducting. But universities prefer people who sign their names "Doctor so-and-so" I know band well enough, and I have some orchestra experience. Honestly, I want to interview just to see what chance I have of a gig like that. The idea of working with college players is... appealing. I don't know, it sounds like a pipe dream... but then so did conducting Beethoven at one time... and I've since done that several times. I need more info.

Give and take...

So... my choir crisis seems to ave subsided. This makes me happy because all the people involved were students that I like. It would have made me sad to have bad thoughts between us.

But before I start feeling too good, I must tell you about my meeting with Palpatine today:

She and I met with some of my colleagues over our plan to start an after-school band and strings program for the elementary students on our side of the district. Now, I have to admit... Palpatine did and said a lot of good in this meeting (which she has done before) but just before we adjourned, it became apparent that her support comes with a renewed hope that we'll be forming a marching band soon.

Now, this comes as no surprise to me. But what annoyed me the most about the end of the meeting was the blatant misconceptions that she has about me. She doesn't understand why I teach music. She thinks I want to train future professional musicians. Actually, I would actively discourage kids from wanting to be professional musicians... it's scraping a hard living by playing mostly pop drivel. What I want is to give people a gift of beauty. To take something away that they'll use for the rest of their lives.

For her, it's all about the kids having fun. That's what I'm good for.... keeping the kids entertained. Lord knows that I'm all about having fun... but... shit...

The few people that read this blog know what I'm getting at. I need to say it anyway.

Mutiny on the Bounty

So, certain members of my advance choir have come under the impression that they should not be asked to sing anything that they don't like. From what I understand, my selection of a Caribbean holiday carol is prompting several of them to "boycott" by not singing during rehearsal.

So here's where I'm at: The song itself doesn't have a whole lot of educational value. Lord knows it was composed or even arranged by anyone of particular significance. Its just a cheery little holiday song. But now the afore-mentioned malcontent members has put me in a position of having to hold to it simply out of principle. There's no way I can set the precedent that ensemble members have the right to veto a director's selection. No school or professional choir operates thus. I'm imagining an exodus out of this group at the semester over a silly little holiday song. I have to address the situation first thing tomorrow, 0 period.

Fuck.

Two violists walk into a bar...

For those of you not in the know:

In the musical world, people joke about the viola.
Viola players have a horrible reputation for being substandard musicians. This is mostly because a lot of orchestras don't have enough viola players, so they recruit substandard violin players to do the job. Hence, the viola section tends to be a bit sketchy. (often times, more than a bit)

I try not to tell viola jokes out of respect for the violists I know and love. Unfortunately, this year the viola section in my orchestra provides ample justification for the stereotype. During our first concert of the year, they got off-tempo in both of their pieces. I actually walked towards them and started beating my baton ion the air just above their stand. When that didn't work, I started counting out loud. Even that failed. I think I could have burst into flames and they still wouldn't have looked up.

Now, if I think the kid is trying their hardest... I don't say very much and just put up with it. But when I stop in rehearsal and gently try to address the problem... and the violists start talking to each other once while I'm lecturing and writing things on the board... well that's when I snap and make their substandard performance a public discussion.

So yeah...

Q: What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

A: You take your shoes off when you jump on a trampoline

Q: What's the difference between a viola and an onion?

A: No one cries when you chop up a viola.

Q: Why do viola players leave their cases in their car when they go to rehearsal?

A: So they can park in the handicapped spaces.

Q: What's the shortest book ever written?

A: It's a toss-up between "French Military Victories" and "The World's Greatest Viola Virtuosos"

Q: There's a $100 bill in the middle of a room. In the corners of the room stand a first violinist, a second violinist, a virtuoso violist and a bass player. Who gets the bill?

A: The second violinist. The bass player doesn't know what's going on, there is no such thing as a virtuoso violist, and no first violinist would go anywhere for only $100.

Q: How do you know when a violist is at the door?

A: They can't find the key and they don't know when to come in.

(Just FYI... I didn't tell these jokes in class... but I had to let them out somewhere)

Untold Catastrophe Scenarios

So... we just completed our 8-hour inservice on disaster management. I agree with the basic premise of what we are attempting to do, but I think we should have approached the "training" differently. A real mock disaster would have been in order.... maybe not so so detailed as having people lying in the quad with painted-on wounds and pouring fake blood from pouches concealed in their clothing... but having us start in our rooms and then walk through a potential situation.

The system we're implementing is supposed to be as flexible as humanly possible (good), and is intended to be a universal system that is also used by law enforcement and emergency services nation wide (also good). Despite being told that we're "way ahead" of other school districts, it still feels like we are woefully unprepared for a disaster. To many blanks were left un-filled today.

But I did manage to write down some of my own notes....

Potential Disasters not mentioned in today's proceedings:

Zombie Infestation
Mars Attacks
Godzilla
"Order 66"
Earth demolished to make way for intergalactic bypass
Active Mime on campus
Kenny G concert in ear-shot
Starbucks goes bankrupt, causing a world-wide gravitational implosion.

Methods of communication not discussed:

War drums
Signal fires ala "Return of the King"
Sensing disturbances in the Force.
the "Twilight Bark"

Methods of keeping students contained on campus:

Announce special seminar in the gymnasium:
"How to build twice the college resume with half the effort"

Choosing an Incident Commander:

Have a "no blinking" contest
"Trial by Stone"
Duel with Iocane powder
Pick person with the highest Midichlorian count.

More Odds & Ends

* I like teaching private lessons. It's the most focused teaching environment there is. In particular, I like playing duets with my students. My wednesday lesson is a 7th grader who reads better than most of the high school kids. I just started back up with her again (after the summer) and it made me realize how much I missed playing.

* I realized the other day that recently I've been putting my feet in thrid position (ballet) when I conduct. It keeps me from knocking myself off balance as I'm throwing my arms around.

* Today a kid got "locked" in one of our practice rooms for over an hour. Well, the truth is that the door doesn't lock, but the knob can get stubborn and a lot of people think that they're locked in. You just have to crank it really hard. I dind't know he was in there.... he's in my fifth period class, and somehow got "trapped" in there before third. He ended up calling a friend on his cel. By the way, this kid has a bunch of anxiety issues and misses a lot of school. His mom came and picked him up after the incident. Idon't feel particularly responsible, but I think it's time I put a work order in on the doors.

Balance to the Force

I think I'm becoming a happy person again. Things are just starting to feel like they used to. I'm way more busy than I was before, and still it feels like no matter how much work I do, I'm always behind.

Even so... I feel like I'm being a better teacher. Having so many beginning students is taxing, but it's also forcing me to be more on the ball.

Today I pulled out six different instruments in the course of one class period... and demonstrated them all. One kid looked up at me and asked "Is there anything you can't play?"

Today I didn't let the girls in the back of choir who chew gum and do homework for other classes off the hook.

Today I had a good day in AP Theory... one of those days where it didn't feel like we were working hard, but we were.

Yeah... it feels good to be me again.

Okay... you tell me...

I have a kid in my 1st period class whose father just passed away. Should I refrain from putting the plastic skeleton in the practice room as a Halloween decoration?

The Tao of Me (Pt 2)

So here's the deal, so far this school year is turning out to be much more managable than I had anticipated. I'm not saying it's easy, but better than I thought. I suppose that's sort of like Leonidas figuring out that he faced hundreds of thousands of Persians, and not millions. Still, it's something. Another thing: the more the year unfolds, the more my Zen factor strengthens. You know, I'm starting to approach 40... I just don't have the energy to worry as much as I did.

But things around me are starting to rattle. The rest of the campus is showing the stress of the least couple years of Palpatine rule. I think our drama teacher is about to go out in a blaze of glory. He's already fuming at palpatine... and now he's locking horns with other staff. So far, I'm not anywhere near that crossfire... something I'd just as soon avoid given the number of students we share. But it's getting to the point where it's affecting the students. Today, a number of the drama students were meeting in my classroom to discuss what they were going to do.

I didn't listen in. It looked like something heavy, so I shut my office door. (Although I talked a little with one of the students afterwords. ) I got a little info about what was going on.. but not much. Again, I'd just as soon not get involved.

*DRAMA TEACHER* is a very capable teacher and director, but he's also extremely proud, and has a tendency to fight when he should deal. I hope he realizes that in the grand scheme of things, teachers are weak entities; it is the support of students and families that will carry us through difficult times (as I can attest to so well). Alienate yourself from them, and you're left to face the trials alone.

Fortunately, that's not something I'll have to experience. In my corner of the world, support is coming in stronger than ever. Let's hope I have the wisdom to continue to nurture it.

With each passing year that I teach, I become more and more comfortable dealing with upset parents. Things that might have given me an ulcer some years ago barely register on my stress meter.

Case in point: Tonight we hosted a beach bonfire for the music students. It was simple: Kids show up and bring $5. We bring food and wood. Roast some hot dogs, make some smores... watch the sun go down. As long as no one gets any pyromanic inspired ideas, there shouldn't be any problems. And there weren't.

So I advertised the end time at 8 p.m. Mostly so that the parents of 7th graders could come and get them. But I also knew that the high school kids would want to stay until the beach closed (10 p.m.) and I was prepared to stay with them to make sure eveyone got rides, etc. A few of the younger ones left at 8. Most of them started to drift away at around 9. About fifteen kids were left when the Newport Beach Police politely shuffled everyone out at 10.

I get home to find an angry e-mail from a parent who was upset that they came to get their kid (7th grader) at 8, and had to wait an hour before he showed up in the parking lot. They were pissed that they didn't have a contact number to call and say "Hey, where the hell is my kid?"

Now , I can understand their frustration. At the same time, I think that if the kid knew his ride was coming at 8, and didn't bother to wander out there until 9... maybe they shouldn't be letting him out in the world without his own cel phone / homing beacon / tracking device. (I'm sure there's a few transmitters left over from Wild Kingdom)

It also occured to me that had one of the parents gotten out of the vehicle and gone looking for their kid, they would have found us inside of a few minutes, being that the fire pits were located in a single area on the beach and we were the closest one to the parking lot.

Nevertheless I sent a very nice and semi-apologetic e-mail back to the family in question.

*sigh* Sometimes the ants have a hard time walking around the leaf.

Horror Movie Smack-Down

So Palpatine officially responded to the horrendous behavior on behalf of the students (particularly the senior class) via school wide announcement on the PA system on monday. She may have inadvertently thrown down the gauntlet with the class of 08. Studnets were telling me that their classes were laughing much more than they were taking it seriously. As much as I expected.

At the same time, the address was probably inevitable. I don't know what else Palpatine could have done... she couldn't have just said nothing. But I have a sinking feeling that the rogue element of the senior class was more encouraged than they were shamed.
Watching the year play out may be like watching a couple of oversized lizards scream at eachother in Japanese and trash Tokyo as they duke it out.

Ugly is to the bone

There are times when I think that I need to introduce a little more competition into my routine. Then there are other times when I think competition is completely overrated. Take last night's football showdown with our rival school, *THEIR SCHOOL*. What once might have been a healthy rivalry has turned into an excuse for our students to unleash the most foul aspect of their psyche. It was one of the worst examples of crowd behavior at a high school sporting event that I had ever witnessed. There were times when a large block of students stood and chanted in unison "FUCK YOU *THEIR SCHOOL*" across the field. From what I understand, the opposing stands returned in kind. Lets not forget the coaches and parents yelling and cursing at the referees.

Somebody explain to me how this is healthy competition.

And the one time I wouldn't have minded to see Palpatine to go "Yoda" on the rowdy group of students... well, all she managed to do was turn to one of the teachers and say "Go do something about that." (Needless to say, said teacher just gave her a "you've got to be fucking kidding me" look as Palpatine walked away). I guess there wasn't much of anything that anyone can do with a large crowd of intoxicated, unruly adolescents.

And you want to know what the best part is? Someone decided that this would be a good game to feature on Fox Sports.

Of course... we lost. It's not a fair match to begin with. We're not even in *THEIR SCHOOL*'s league. They also have a marching band about four times the size of my band. That's always fun for our self esteem.

But speaking of my little rag-tag band... they did pretty good, considering that we had precious few melody instruments (and the fact that a lot of the experienced players from jazz declined to play with us... even though they were at the game) I had a lot of beginners show up and hang out with us even though they couldn't play any of the music.

That kind of enthusiasm should be rewarded... and it was... today... with four dozen doughnuts.

Odds & Ends

* After being plugged, jammed and permanently locked for the last six years, the door to the choir room suddenly and mysteriously works fine. Same with the lights in the off-shoot locker hallway just outside the music rooms. Both of these things happened without work orders. It helps to have friendly relations with the custodial staff.

* I found that a black widow spider had taken up residence in the rear doorway to my classroom. I stopped to admire it's sleek design, and the boldness with which it built its web and flashed its vermilion warning up at me, defiant of any retribution. This was just seconds before I drowned it in a cone of "RAID"

* Recently, one of my colleagues donated a set of very nice home stereo speakers to my classroom. I set them up in the choir room... I've been meaning for some time to set up a decent sound system in there. Today I bought a stereo receiver, hooked it up to the speakers, plugged my iPod in and let it rip. It was awesome. I juts hope that the wall between us and the history class next door is thick enough to absorb the bass.

* I no longer go to Starbucks in the morning before I go to work. I started to lose a little weight over the summer, and I figured I might as well help it along. No more cheesy or sugary snacks at break. The bowl in my cabinet that used to be filled with candy is now overflowing with health bars. It's a start.

Out of the starting gate

So far this year has started out with a great deal of promise. Going into the first day, I knew that a lot of kids were being funnelled into the music department (some against their will). Fortunately, the admin wasn't set on locking those kids in if they were resistant to being there. Now, a couple of weeks later, the dust has settled somewhat and we still have about 30 more students than have ever been enrolled in the music dept.

I got lucky... no major personality problems. In fact, most of my troubles are logistical. Too many kids, not enough working instruments. Also, I don't exactly know if I can use my regular concert locations... some of my groups might be too big.

But what I have is a dedicated group of kids who are willing to help. My student leadership group is starting out strong. They're jumping on things before I even have a chance to tell them. Also, I have parents coming out of the woodwork to help out. It's really nice.

One parent caught me in the front office as i was checking my mailbox after school and said "I'm so glad you're still here" I thought she meant that she's glad she caught me before I went home. Turns out she was worried that I would leave *MY SCHOOL* after last year.

It's that kind of thing that makes you realize that you're in a good place.

Of course, there are other little rainclouds still roaming around. As nice as Palpatine has been lately, I know that leopards rarely change their spots. Given the fact that I think that my issues with Palpatine ultimately spring from our differences in the way we percieve the universe... well, I think it would take something pretty drastic for her to turn around the way she wants us to think she has.

I hate to sound like a pessimist, but I heard domething yesterday that didn't entirely surprise me. Apparently the drama teacher is now fuming at Palpatine because she told a student to take a sport instead of drama, because "Drama won't get you into a good school"

It's easy for a blind man to board up their windows... they can't miss a sunset they've never seen.

Whiplash

So today was another one of those days that made me want to believe that Palpatine could possibly turn from the dark side of the Force. She actually showed a little humanity in our first offical faculty meeting, in the form of revealing some personal troubles (the kind that eat at you when kept inside)... and broke down somewhat. It was a moment where she could have reversed a lot of damage done in the past year simply by letting people into her life. But that will depend on how she handles herself from here.

The way she started addressing the faculty lead me to believe that she had finally clued in to how many of us were unhappy just coming to work. It all evolved into a very promising direction... but I've seen a lot of promising things come from her direction that didn't last.

I think the campus is ripe for some counter-reformation. A lot of people want to see the morale improve. If Palpatine is smart she won't try to lead that charge... I think she should let us do that ourselves. Then she can just plug in and absorb the genuine goodness.

Silver lining

So, my summer was fantastic and horrible at the same time. It was fantastic because of all the external things I did. I saw Europe, I spent some of the best quality time with my wife... ever.... I spent three weeks in my favorite music community, making some great pieces come to life.

And at the same time it was horrible because of what I did internally. I worried. I obsessed. I had Palpatine on the backburner of my psyche every waking minute of every day. I know that's not healthy... and I tired not to. I'm surprised that there wasn't more alcohol involved.

So, nevertheless, I haven't been all that enthusiastic about getting ready for school
. In fact I blew off so much prep work, I neglected to set up a retreat for the leadership team. Hell, I didn't even select the members of the leadership team. Every time I had time to work on that stuff, something in the back of my head came running out and screamed "NO! DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! GO BACK HOME, HANG OUT ON THE INTERNET AND PLAY VIDEO GAMES!"

So here we are at the end of summer, and I can't put it off any more. On monday of this week I e-mailed the kids who had submitted applications for the leadership council, and I basically told the... the truth. I told them I didn't know what to do about the council. I told them retreat wasn't going to happen (which, by now, I'm sure most of them figured out anyway.) I told them we needed to meet at the school and get started. I was expecting that maybe two people out of eight would show.

The enext day, all eight kids showed up. We had a short meeting, after which they grabbed brooms and equipment lists, and proceeded to put the room back in order. They cleaned out the lockers, they took inventory on the instruments, they even reorganized the drawers in my desk. It was the most productive that the council has ever been, and it made me feel all fuzzy inside.

And since then... as I've had time to walk around the school a little, I found out that there was a part of me that was eager to come back... that wanted to be hopeful. Of course, I didn't run into Palpatine at all this week, but I don't think it would have mattered.

A giant Sunday!

I wish I was talking about a gallon of ice cream, but really it's a reference to the month of August
. I'm here... woefully unprepared for the coming school year.

The good news is that Palpatine didn't move my schedule around as much as she could have. They did make one change that took away my 4th period prep (which means that I won't be guaranteed an early lunch should I so choose.) But the upswing is that my new 2nd period prep is bound to be way more productive, and will put a well needed break in an otherwise grueling string of classes that stretch from 0 period to lunch (that schedule was taxing last year.) Yeah, she may have actually done me a favor there.

The bad news is that she's trying to balance my numbers, and may put more people in band than we can accommodate with instruments. Now, regarding the 7th grade enrollment I have mixed feelings. I think she is trying to balance it out so I don't have an obnoxious amount of people in my first period class (choir)... and by obnoxious I'm talking about 90+ students. I truly believe she's trying to do some me some good there. Only right now, choir may be the only place I can handle those kinds of numbers, although I hope to high heaven that an alternative makes itself known. If I had the instruments to go around, I wouldn't mind so much.

Exit, stage left!

So, yesterday I get the following e-mail from one of my more promising 8th graders:

Dear Mr. *MAESTRO*
I hope your summer is going great. I am very sorry to tell you that I will not be attending *MY SCHOOL* in the 07-08 school year. I will be moving in with my Aunt. (in Connecticut) I made this decisoin because since i've been in California i have found most people to be detatched, materialistic, and uncultured. I miss the values of CT. But I just wanted to let you know its been a plearsure having you as a teacher. And that I think you are nothing like what I just described the "Californian" to be. Thank you for a great year of band. And thank you for showing me great music. Have a great summer.

I was a little shocked and certainly sad to get this e-mail, but at the same time I let out a laugh (loud enough for my wife to ask "What's so funny?" from the kitchen.) Here's a kid just out of 8th grade... moved here from the East Coast, decides California is too shallow for him, and goes back....just like that.

I sent back a response thanking him for two years of goods music making. I told him that much of what we did in band was greatly facilitated by his input. What I left out was the part where I asked him if I could go with him.

It's like cancer

I'm not sure if I commented on this yet or not... but in a way, Palpatine has been good for my marriage. Maybe it's God's way of telling me not to be a workaholic. And friends, had things continued on the blissful trail to Utopia that I was so merrily traversing before Palpatine's arrival... well, I don't know how much wy wife would have tolerated it. Lots of late nights, week-ends, and time otherwise dedicated to home and spouse were being more and more diverted to career. Now, I'm looking for ways of maintaining happiness outside of the workplace, and home and marriage are certainly the first and obvious place to turn.

I've also been becoming more aware about how much I fit into the typical American man who defines himself primarily bvy his career. So what happens when the career is gone? You get rising statistics in post-retirement depression and suicide. I'd rather that not be me.

It is also important to note that my wife is also currently unhappy with her job. Thus, both of us return from a hard days work, anticipating an environment of comfort and support. Fortunately, we have been mutually enthusiastic about trying to provide that for each other. Perhaps its because when I'm taking over cooking responsibilities for the evening, I'm not only providing reflief for my work-weary spouse, I'm distracting myself from my own demons in a way that is much more effective than drowning myself in the television or on the computer.

This situation also set the stage for our vacation a few weeks ago, which we both embarked upon with the express intent of forgetting about our woes for a while. In all honesty, it was the best vacation we've ever taken together.

But before I get too appreciative of the serendipitous effect of the Imperial presence in my life, I will refer to the cancer patients who point out that the benefits of their experience include a profound clarity with which they reorganized their life priorities. As good as that may be, I'm sure they'd still rather not have cancer.

Even in paradise....

...I have to deal with less than desirable students and parents. So I'm traveling in Europe with a youth orchestra. Along for the ride is a set of girls who have very littlle in the way of self-control, and their mother who seems to be the obvious cause. The girls have been problematic since the beginning of the 2006-2007 school year, although I have had almost no contact with them (they were in a group that I don't conduct). This family is about as dysfunctional as it gets, with he divorce parents having restrition orders against each other, etc.

The girls have been difficult to say in the least... but the real problem is that the mom tries to dump the kids off on staff or other parents whenever possible and go off and do her own thing. She even told us she was thinking of going off to Amsterdam and leaving her kids here with us.

That didn't happen.

I don't know that I've seen a parent so disturbingly devoid of any kind of sense of responsibility for their own kid. Fortunately, it isn't ruining the trip, but it is making ourlives a little interesting.

Pat your dog every once in a while...

.... and tell him he's a good boy.

So this year I decided to put together a "Best Of" CD of all the top performances, solo and group. I'm not really marketing it to people, but I am giving copies to administrators, district muckity-mucks and what not.

Out of all the people who got them (about 16 or so) I think only two will actually listen to it. One of them is the AP who attended almost all the concerts where we made the recordings. The other is our local school board representative. She just sent me an e-mail:

Thank you for sending a copy of the *MY SCHOOL* Music Department’s performances. You should be proud of the wonderful program you have developed at *MY SCHOOL*. I will play this in my car as a constant reminder of our talented students.

You know, had I gotten little pick-me-ups like this at my last school, I might not have left.

The rock around which the river flows

Graduation Day always brings on a smothering lonliness. Being the last day of school, the kids can't get out of here fast enough. It leaves me alone in a room I'm not used to being alone in.
I torture myself by listening to a performance of a slow bluesy song that one of our seniors did at our winter concert. I have so many things to do.... gradebooks, cleaning.... and all I can manage is to sit in my chair like a rag doll and let the memories wash over me.

They leave... every last one of them. I don't mean to say that it's unfair... but it hurts all the same.

For the last four years I went out and bought a card for each one of my seniors. This year I didn't. There were too many of them, and I had no time to sit down and write them... what with the end of the year rush and Palpatine constantly throwing a wrench in my spiritual/emotional works. I felt unready for today, like taking a test I wasn't study for.

Nietzsche was right

I should be shaking like a leaf right now. Now 20 minutes ago, I had a near shouting match with Palpatine. The short version is this:

Palpatine: So, you're all set for playing graduation?

Me: No, this is the first I've heard of it.

Palpatine: But... you played it last year....

Me: That's because you approached me about it last year. This year I didn't get so much as a e-mail.

What ensued was a heated discussion about professionalism and expectations. She used the words "marching band".... I told her we didn't have one. (That felt good) I'm sure a lot her manner also had to do with other crisis she's dealing with (I don't envy her). But in the end, I told her I would see what we could do about getting a small ensemble there (and honestly.... I will)

Usually, I roll over and take it. Today I didn't. As a result of that, I may have wiped my shot at keeping AP Music Theory alive... but I feel better about that than I would have waiting for other people to stand up for me (again).

"The Mother of all battles"

... Palpatine is still telling people that we're starting a marching band. I'm very cheerily telling people behind the scenses that I have nothing to do with it, and that I will never again be a high school band director. (although it did occur to me... If I did leave *MY SCHOOL* I most likely would end up doing marching band again. However it might be worth it to face the field again if it meant getting away from a micro-managing tyrant.)

...In ten days I'll be on a plane heading towards Mozart and Beethoven's home town.... *sigh*....

Summer Sky

When did the days get long?

This afternoon I visited the family of a former student. They tried to get me to stay for dinner, but I had to leave, I had to do some last minute Father's Day shopping (The Errol Flynn DVD set.... If he doesn't like it, I'll take it back off his hands.) I hadn't realized how long I had stayed for. By the time I got out of Borders it was well after 8 p.m. and there was still remnants of sunlight in the sky.

Ahhh... the endless glow of Summer... Usually it is a welcome sight. Usually I watch the days get longer, noting the time of each sunset once April starts to wane. This year it snuck up on me... mostly because my attention was absorbed in my 2nd Semester crisis.

I just realized that I associate summer with sunsets, rather than the blazing image of a mid-day sun. Perhaps it is because it marks the closing of the school year.

Today it hit me how many people I say goodbye to this year. It also occured to me that I percieve the students passage through *MY SCHOOL* in generations... of which I count two since my hiring. Next year's graduation will mark the end of the second. The approaching third is a mystery to me. I do not yet forsee who will be its leaders. I hope to see a fourth and fifth... maybe a sixth.

Do I look surprised?

One of my colleagues cornered me in a side hallway while I was on my way back from the men's room.

"Keep your eye on Weasel" she said. I just gave her a knowing nod. She continued as if I was completely unaware of Weasel's activities: "I heard him talking about the music department... and you... in a not-so-nice way... to parents." I closed my eyes, raised my eyebrows and gave another knowing nod.

"Yeah..... I've been aware of Weasel for some time."

Weasel and I have been civil to each other since our confrontation... but I never fooled myself into thinking that he had changed his mind about me. I'm not surprised.

I am concerned... of course, I don't want anyone talking trash about me or the music program... but I don't feel terribly threatened. Weasel's credibility among the populace is more than sketchy (except, of course, Palpatine. She loves that kid so much I've considered re-naming him Anakin). But it's clear that I have way more supporters than critics right now. You don't have to go far to find testimonies that would counter anything he had to say. Plus, I've just completed two very successful concerts. Make no mistake, the parents are happy right now.

Its also no surprise that the group that Weasel performs in gave the weakest performance... being that it contains the highest percentage of half-motivated students. (Weasel among them. He's a good player, but a crap attitude, and he won't lift a finger to do anything besides show up and play..... and he's bittter that I won't worship him, go figure.)

Well, there's nothing to do, really. Weasel's grade is secured, since he managed to pull his rehearsal arrival back to an appropriate time. Can't really write him up for being a class-A asshole. I just have to let it ride, and let my supporters counter the bad talk.

You know, I really feel sorry for him. Weasel's transformation this year is a result of his deperate bid for popularity with the "in" crowd. Let me tell you, this is one socially awkward kid who barely had the skills to be accepted with the much-more-forgiving music crowd than with the moral abyss that is the popular circle. I've been told that people have fbeen giving him feigned acceptance with the sole intent of using him (apparently there were a couple of parties at his house that got out of control.) He's also traded tutoring for party invitations. Ugh.

There was a time not too long ago that he would have found safe-haven in the music rooms. If anyone bothered him we would have said "Yeah, he's a dork... but he's our dork... so leave him alone!" But now, distanced from us, and being abused by the people he wants acceptance from.

I'll be surprised if he makes it to his senior year. My god, if Palpatine lasts that long.... we're doubly screwed.

"Have a great Summer - XOXOXOX"

Here I sit on the eve of my last concert.... my last official responsibility for the 2006-2007 school year. As graduation looms closer, the image of Palpatine starts to fade in the mist of memories that starts to form around my classroom. This year I graduate a very powerful class, including many of my most talented and most dedicated performers. Some have been with me since their 7th grade year.

Yearbooks came out this week. Most teachers find them a distraction in class... usually by this time I'm done with my performances, and I'm passing around my own book for signing (I've purchased one every year since my first at *MY SCHOOL* This afternoon I read through some of the stuff penned by my students. A lot of it was pleasant yearbook euphemisms. But one senior wrote that since her father died (freshman year I think) she had looked to me as sort of a father-figure. Thats a very powerful statement... I was stunned.

As teachers we hope to give them the tools to survive in their continuing education. We hope to give them a little beyond that to enrich their lives. Every so often we impart gifts that are so profound... and yet we may not be aware of our own influence. It's very.... humbling.

"My senior project: I made brownies!!!"

My mom once told me that when my uncle died, one of the last things he said was "You know, I never really tried...."

I thought about this today as I was helping evaluate the senior project presentations.

Every June the school sets aside two days for all seniors to have their projects evaluated by a panle of faculty and community members. Some of the presentations are amazing, most are merely adequate. Some are embarassingly bad.... to the point where I want to shake some of these kids and scream "You had an opportunity to do a project that involved getting into something...anything.... so long as it was your passion... and you couldn't even manage the bare-fucking-minimum!?"

I keep thinking about grad school, and how many people dropped out because they couldn't hack the thesis project. A lot of people think the mediocrity will get them through (and a disturbing amount think that they will triumph through it.)

There's a girl I know who should come and talk to our juniors. Her name is Samantha Larson, and I don't mind using her real name because she's just made herself internationally famous. I know her because she's a musician, a fine oboist. But it wasn't her musical skills that got her in the news. Sam graduated from Long Becah Poly H.S. in 2006 and decided to take a year off before college so that she could train to climb Mt. Everest. She completed that goal just last month. The fact that she climbed Everest puts her in a pretty small percentage of the world population. That alone kicks the crap out of amost anything our seniors could have come up with. But see, it's not just Everest... As of May 17th she's the youngest person in the world to climb the Seven Summits.

Sam crossed my mind today as some kid was trying to explain the personal growth he experienced from the process of assembling his own computer.

I don't mean to be overly critical... I really have seen some fine projects come through... projects that the kids should be proud of. And I know that the Sam Larsons of the world are truly rare. But even if it's not within all or even most of us to be uniquely phenomenal... you would think that more people would aspire, at least, to not suck.

Why I always wanted to be a teacher....

...so that I can crush the hopes and dreams of my students and grind them into a pile of gravel.

So today I posted the results of the auditions for my advanced choir. It's one of my least favorite days of the year. Couple of girls in particular ended up in tears, girls that I have an affection for. I don't regret my decisions... I just hate this part of it.

But here's the part I really hate. Steadily over the last few years, the returning members have been prone to grumbling right about now. They don't agree with my choices. They think that next year will be bad. One kid even approached me today, concerned about the "declining quality" in the group. Given the fact that I just denied his brother membership, there's a good chance he'll drop.

There's a couple of things here that piss me off. First of all there's the general short-sightedness that teenagers are sometimes prone to. They don't see the larger picture. They don't understand the nature of change. In particular, there's a phenomenon I like to call "Senior Disillusionment" that is particularly annoying: They fight to get to the top, then when they get there, they find themselves bored, dissinterested and resentful of the fact that things aren't as exciting as when they were younger. I guess it's too much to ask for altruism in ones senior year; to have the compassion to turn around and give to the lower classes the same level of inspiration that upperclassmen once gave them. I don't know whats worse, the ones that just dump it all and quit, or the ones that cling on even though they've lost the will to even show up to rehearsal on a regular basis.

The second is simply this... every time a kid jumps ship (or even talks about it) when things start to look bad... I think of all the times I could have and maybe should have done the same, but didn't. (That includes now)

I know it's mostly talk... especially that bunch. And it's far from everyone. But it irks me nonetheless.

In other News: Palpatine vs. ASB Director... It's not much of a match, but I'm a gonna sit back and watch these two mega-mutated monsters trash Tokyo.

"You kids and your music..."

So I chaperoned prom last night. An interesting thing happens every time I chaperone a dance: people (mostly the other chaperones) seem determined to commiserate a perceived reaction to the music on my part. They believe that because I am a trained musician with a preference for classical, I therefore must loath modern pop.

But see, the thing…. is I am a trained musician, philosophically as well as technically. I’ve spent considerable time contemplating the meaning, purpose and value of music in our lives. And one thing that keeps making itself evident to me is the fact that there is no genre of music that is any more or any less valid than any other. I can not place classical above rap in the cosmic structure of universal meaning… simply because there are millions of people out there for whom rap music is the most meaningful. When we start doing that sort of thing, then we start comparing everything to everything else, regardless of origin. We start saying that Mozart has greater value than the simple song of the African bushman, or the devout offerings of a Hindu raga. We also deny the fact that maybe it was a Christina Aguilera song that gave some poor, young lost soul the strength not to take her own life.

No, I won’t go there.

I do not believe in superiority of genre. I do believe that artists in all genres make music for the right or wrong reasons. Music is most powerful when the value of any given product is inherent in the product itself, and not as a result of the product. In other words, I believe that we should make music because the music is worth making, not because it will make us smarter, earn us money, make us famous, or prove that we are better than other musicians. Music should entertain but more importantly it should inspire, express our inner workings and stir our being – physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.

But who am I to decide which music does these things… and for who?

So when one of my colleagues comes up to me and says “Can you believe this crap that these kids listen to these days?” I just smile and say “Yes…. Yes I can.”

After all, were they saying anything different about us when I was in high school?

Cold War

Things have decidedly turned for the better. Palpatine has allowed the counseling department to re-work the numbers so that the horde of incoming 7th graders is managable. She's also promised to allow students who do not wish to be in music to transfer.

It's definitely an improvement, but you know leopards and spots. Palpatine has learned never to say the "MB" word around me, but she's sure using it in the community. I even had a PE teacher approach me about his concern that a marching band would take students out of PE. (he'd heard rumors).

I heard another one: Palpatine apparently told someone she's planning on staying another 2-3 years. I was hoping for one... But it makes no difference, I've made my decision. I'm dug in.

But change is coming for sure. My entire life, I've always operated under the premise that things should be rosy between me and my supervisors (kind of like Haydn and his patron, Prince Eszterhausy... quite the mutual admiration society they had). But I've resigned myself that for the entirety of my stay in the Imperial reign, we're going to have a classic US/Soviet stand-off (or a game of chess, if you will). I don't like it this way, but unfortunately I have little choice. I've held back on having parents and students contact her with concerns. But perhaps it's good if she has continual reminders that some people think that I've actually been doing a pretty good job, low enrollment aside.

I also found out the other day that one of the counselors stood up to her in a meeting regarding the music dept., and basically got yelled at for it (by her account, anyway). It felt a little wierd hearing that... I certainly didn't want anyone getting in trouble on my behalf. But it seems that she wasn't doing it for me so much as she was speaking out against something she thought was just flat out wrong.

I know this is still a dangerous place to be... even more so since I've started to play some of my cards. From what I understand, I'm nowhere near the top of the Imperial "hit list"... and I have no desire to get there. But the days of open honesty, trust and freely given loyalty are gone.

Just when I start to lose sight of hope

You already know that I've looked at job listings... and that I turned away from that thought. My symbiosis with this school all but makes the idea of leaving impossible. It also generates a great deal of distress.... here I am without the will to leave, nor the strength to defend myself from a psychotic micromanaging principal. And while I have plenty of friends and allies on campus, it seems no one else is in much of a position to do anything about it.

I took my kids on a recruitment performance tour of the feeding elementary schools. Things were going well, but then about half way through I found myself almost laughing. What the hell is the point? Why recruit when the decision to enroll has been taken out of everyone's hands?

I'm back at school for not ten minutes when my cel phone goes off. It's one of the choir parents who has been a particularly ardent supporter. She tells me that parents have been talking. She tells me that they want to meet with Palpatine. She tells me that it would be best if I stay clear... and just go back to being a teacher.

I do not know what I did to deserve this community... but you see now why I don't want to leave.

"You cannot enter here," said Gandalf, and the huge shadow halted. "Go back to the abyss prepared for you! Go back Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!"

The Black Rider flung back his hood, and behold! he had a kingly crown; and yet upon no head visible was it set. The red fires shone between it and the mantled shoulders vast and dark. From a mouth unseen there came a deadly laughter.

"Old fool!" he said. "Old Fool! This is my hour. Do you not know death when you see it? Die now and curse in vain!" And with that he lifted high his sword and flames ran down the blade.

Gandalf did not move. And in that very moment, away behind the same courtyard of the City, a cock crowed. Shrill and clear he crowed, reckoning nothing of wizardry or war, welcoming only the morning that in the sky far above the shadows of death was coming with the dawn.

And as if in answer there came from far away another note. Horns, horns, horns. In dark Mindolluin's sides they dimly echoed. Great horns of the North wildly blowing. Rohan had come at last.

Can't post blogs from work.... some kind of interference with the whole g-mail thing.

I am starting to understand a loathing for an individual unlike any other I've encountered. I would be hard pressed to think of someonefor which the word "hate" applied... but Palpatine is interfering with my happiness on a daily basis.

I came home tonight late, much later than I wanted. I spent four hours after work preparing for a recruitment trip to the elementary schools that suddenly seems to be completely pointless, now that 7th graders will be involuntarly placed in a beginning band class. Did I also mention that Palpatine is dissolving my AP theory class to create said band class? How about the fact that no other music option besides band is being offered? Or the fact that Palpatine has been announcing to people that yes... *MY SCHOOL* is building a marching band.

So yeah, I came home today.... and instead of going out to dinner with my wife, I went to sleep. My wife, being kind of frustrated just fixed herself something. I ended up not eating... and didn't drag myself out of bed until now to check my e-mail... and I'm not hungry... and it just occured to me that I think I skipped lunch as well.

I'll probably get something tomorrow morning at a drive through... but I'll tell you... I didn't eat dinner last night, either.

On Leopards and Spots

So Palpatine has gone out of her way to be really nice to me lately. Smiles.... hugs even (as I've told you.) Sadly, I knew better than to trust it. One thing I am sure of... the immediate course of my program will be decided without my input. In fact, it may have been already.

At least there are those in the Imperial advisory council that are sympathetic to my plight.... sympathetic enough to warn me when an administrative meeting has transpired in which a course of action for the music deparetment was layed out. From what I understand, a valiant effort was made to defend the integrity of my program from a poorly advised plan to stuff the department roll sheets with students who may or may not have had any desire to be enrolled in music. She has done this without any thought of how well equipped we are to handle a massive influx of "band"students. She has done so without thought of forcing a group of students into a situation where they will be expected to pay for their own spplies, as well as devote time outside of their school day to mandatory performances. But alas, the Emperor always has the last word.

A year ago.... hell three months ago I would have been shocked and mortified. These days, there's very little that Palpatine can do to surprise me. In fact, you can not be betrayed where there is no trust left. The fact that this provides some amount of comfort is a sad thought indeed.

Just keep me away from sharp objects and firearms...

Despite how ominous that title sounds... there have not been any further crisis with Palpatine. Not today. Yesterday, in fact, Palpatine approached me and gave me a hug. I guess she tuned in on how distraught I've been and how much I've been avoiding her. Maybe I'll blog about that moment later.

No... today has just been kind of a crappy day. Or maybe its just the last 2 hours. Small things... like the realization that where once I had 7 microphone stands, I now have 3. This is because the music department has apparently become the go-to for things like that. .. everyone from ASB to Drama to... welll whoever needs a mic stand. Yesterday I went and dropped $100 dollars at Guitar center replacing things.... instrument cords, microphone clips... little things that walk off. Part of it is that I'm angry at myself for being too accomodating and for not having a better system for keeping track of our stuff. But dammit, these rooms are big and the traffic through here is impossible to monitor. PPhhhthht.

Also, I spent an entire day without a car because I sent it in to have them figure out why the engine mysteriously dies occasionally when I'm accelerating and turning to the right. An hour ago they called me to tell me that they couldn't find the problem, and they can't even get the car to do it. Great.... So I may have to leave it there another day, although I don't know why... and drag my wife out of bed 2 hours before she ordinarily has to get up just to take me to work... oh yeah shes happy about that.

Also, it just occured to me that I have three gigs in two days starting tomorrow, which means that I will have little time for myself this weekend. Hell, why even call it a "week end"?

So yeah, I'm a little bundle of sunshine. I even kicked the kids out of the music rooms after school, just because I didn't feel like listening to people pound "Heart and Soul" on the piano and scream at eachother until they got bored and went home.

Meanwhile, I'm stuck here until my wife can come pick me up. I could use some chocolate.

...........awkward..........

So yeah... things are wierd between Palpatine and I right now. When I say wierd, what I mean is... if we run into each other on campus, it's like someone running into an ex at a restaurant after a nasty divorce. Civil but veeeeerrrrrrryyyyy cautious. In a strange way, it feels like an improvement.... She's being careful around me! At least I'm comfortable going up to get my own mail again.

Still, I have to be a careful. There are students, parents and even alumn who are poised to come running in with pitchforks and torches. Some people seem to be under the impression that Palpatine wants to reduce or cut the department. That's not true. Palpy wants to see a big department, in fact she wants to help me recruit (I could be wrong, but she seems genuine enough in that corner). What we don't see eye to eye on is the direction that the department should take:

I want a music conservatory that has the potential to generate serious musicians with future careers in music.

She wants a P.R. machine for the school, and a program specifically aimed at the "middle" population of not-so-high achieving students.

Yeah... things are getting wierd. But I have to admit, I'm still better off than I was at *MY LAST SCHOOL* Partially because I have a great wife to come home to. Mostly because I still see daily evidence of how awesome this school is.

Today I felt the need to pull out something in orchestra.... something new to read... something not Baroque. I found myself reaching into the back of the music cabinet and finding an arrangement of the Star Wars Overture that we haven't played since 99.

Twenty minutes later, we're reading through it.... while I've got half the lights dimmed and I'm trying to "conduct" with the replica light saber that I keep in my office. Heh.... I need stuff like this.

CAT6 - The Musical

So, we just got through our yearly barrage of standardized tests. Our administration has been telling us to pump up the kids to shoot for the highest scores in the county.... Heh...

Teacher: Please remove all personal items from your testing area. Be sure to have a #2 pencil…..

Student: This blows! Why do we have to take this test?

Teacher: why? WHY?

[Suddenly, the overhead florescents go black and spot lights swirl in circular patterns until they converge on the teacher who has magically changed into a tuxedo, sporting a top hat and cane.]

[Unseen jazz orchestra kicks in to an opening shout chorus.]

[Teacher starts dancing ala Fred Astair]

Testiiiiiiiiiing!

Staaaaandardized Testiiiiiiiiiing!

And we’re requestiiiiiiing….. that you be investiiiing …. all the waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

OOOoooooooh I’m not jestiiiiing! Don’t let your braaaaaaaaaaaain be restiiiiiiiiiiiiing!

We’ve other school’s scores to be bestiiiiing with our testiiiiiiing todaaaaaaaaay!

Break it down for me girls!

[Wall rolls away revealing a tiered stage… a grand stairway adorned with rows of dancing girls in sequined costumes. They break into a classic Busby Berkeley tap routine, complete with overhead kaliedescopic pattern]

[The orchestra modulates up a half step as the teacher comes back in]

OOOOOhhhhhOOOHHHHH!!!!! I SAID TESTIIIIIIIIIIIING!

DON’T YOU KNOW THE SCHOOL IS QUESTIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!

TO BE NUMBER ONE IN THE WEST-IIIIIIIIIING!

SO GRAB THAT KNOWLEDGE YOUR MIND IS NESTIIIIIIIIIING!

NO PROTESIIIIIIIIIING

‘CUASE WE’RE TEEEEEEEEEEESTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING…………

[Timpani roll]

TOOOOOOOOOOOODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!

[Fade to black]

[Florescent lights come back on. The room is back to normal.]

Teacher: Are there any questions?

Here, you probably want your knife back.... sorry about my blood all over it.

The more I talk to people behind the scenes, the clearer picture I get about Palpatine's perception of our music program. One set of music parents went in to have a meeting with her, to discuss why it seems to be so hard to enroll their kid in the program: last year the compute booted their kid out of band three times and this year, band wan't even an option on the 8th grade elective list. Apparently Palpatine did some grade-A butt kissing. But in a "side" conversation, the status of the program was brought up... and it seems that my name was thrown out as a "cause" of the program's woes. Immediately, these people jumped to my defense. These people know me very well; their older daughter graduated from *MY SCHOOL* two years ago, after having been one of my students for her entire high school career. In fact, they told Palpatine how beneficial the music department had been for the older child... how it gave her so many things to help her grow. And to this, Palpatine responded "Well, that was before *MY NAME*'s time." Folks, I'd been at *MY SCHOOL* for a good four years by the time the older duaghter had arrived! They corrected her on this as well.

So there it is, Palpatine has no concept of *MY SCHOOL* before her arrival. She doesn't even know how long I've been here, nor what impact I've really had on the department or the school for that matter. She honestly thinks that the department has been in a downslide since I've been here... that things were better before. And given that Weasel seems to have her trust (something suggested by an unamed staff member just this afternoon)... it is no surprise that her perception of me is thus.

Ordinarily, developments with Palpatine send me home feeling bad about myself. Today I went home pissed. With just a few mouse clicks, I can remedy that with an SOS out to every alum from the last nine years, particularly the ones who were around in 1998.... and before... I can bring in testimony from the former music teachers at *MY SCHOOL*. Something inside me is telling me to wait a while longer.... but soon perhaps.

Still, I am angered by what has become apparent: If someone asks why our program is so small, it seems that she is pointing the blame at me.

D-Day

So today is concert day. This a special concert... one aimed at recruitment. We sent out flyers to the elementary schools and spammed every e-mail box we could get access to. Come see us! Send your kids here! Lets put a trumpet in their hands!

It occured to me this morning that the results oif this event may be tied with my livelihood. That hasn't happened since my undergrad senior recital.

But several things happened today that I did not expect: When I got to school this morning, I found that the assistant principle had used the school's phone announcement system to publicize our concert. Not only that, several students throughout the day went out of their wau to help me prepare the rooms and make the displays for (I hope) the visiting families.

And so... at the 11th hour.... a horn sounds in the deep, and Theoden realizes that the elves have arrived at the Hornburg. It is a most welcome site, but still on his mind are the 10,000 orcs that march on his gates.

And so it begins.

I couldn't help it.... I didn't really want to look... that's not true, I did want to look. I've been browsing the SCSBOA (Southern California School Band and Orhestra Association) web site for jobs. Nothing looks even remotely interesting. Nothing even in my county.

But then I looked at CMEA's site. And there sitting pretty-as-you-please is a job posting that looks tailor-made for me. Only one problem: it's a private school. Last I checked, they didn't pay so well (let's not forget kids that I'm trying to start a family.... and I just bought my wife a Lexus.)

But the thought of driving to work happy is.... appealing. I'm going to at least call.

*Edit*

After looking at the school's web site, it doesn't seem quite so ideal. Catholic all-boys school. Looks like it would be one performing group (band) and a bunch of "appreciation" classes. Also, it looks like they march.... which may not be so bad, it depends on whether or not they compete.

I'm not so sure about removing the estrogen factor from my daily life. It might feel like joining the Navy or something. And I'd have to kiss my jeans-wearing days goodbye (Eh. I did the Catholic school thing before. Whatever.

Resisting the dark side...

I guess, keeping with the Star Wars theme I ought to re-name Weasle something appropriate... something with "Darth" in the title.

Incidentally, there's a runnning joke on the web about Sith names: It seems people believe that "darth" is a substitute for "in." Being that Dath Vader and Darth Sidious could be re-interpreted as Insidious and Invader. Of course, not every Sith name cooperates (Inmaul just makes no sense) but the possibilities abound: Darth Cognito, Darth Competent, Darth Flatable and my personal favorite.... Mother Darth Law

Anyway, it seems that every time I make an address to the class, Weasle makes editorial comments to people on the side. For example, today I tell the Jazz group (where most of the student trouble is centered) that the program isn't "dying"... it just never recovered from the tragedy two decades ago that left the entire music program under a single teacher. Weasle later tells people that I'm just shifting the blame.

It was enough to make my blood boil for... about fourty minutes. Then I remembered my Yoda: "Let go of your anger, anger leads to the dark side." And sure enough, after I relaxed and let the thought expel, I was grateful for the teachgings of Master Yoda. It seems as if every bad decision I've made in reacting to a student has stemmed from responding to them in the heat of the moment. Indeed.... fear - anger - hate - suffering. I resisted, this time.

I'm going to go try and move a rock with my mind, now.

Rebel base on Hoth is routed!

I can't remember if I blogged this already or not, I think I may have.

The youth orchestra that I've been working for the last four years... the one that has been meeting at my school on saturday mornings... has to relocate. This is because our district has raised the room rental rates well beyond what the orchestra can afford (like $500 a day). They want to keep me on as a staff member which is nice, but I'll miss having the rehearsals here at my school.

While it's not the end of the orchestra, it is very sad for me. I always thought the rooms were.... happy again to have so many musicians, and to have such great repertoire being realized within their walls. With the orchestra leaving... it's a little like... well like the movie Awakenings: The patients go back to a comatose state after a brief, joyous return to life.

The orchestra manager asked me if we could make an appeal to the principal to support our casue. I looked her as if she'd asked me to approach the KKK about making a donation to the NAACP.

This year I've actually been trying to keep my involvement with the youth orchestra on the down-low. Not that I think Palpatine has an interest, one way or another, about them using our facilities... but I think Palpy would have found a way to boot them out if it was thought that it would free up my time for... what the Imperial pleasure would have me do.

And recently, Palpatine has also made some mention of what I should be doing with my summers. Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a summer music institute that I've been attending for a majority of my life to which I am bound by loyalty until death. I've been contributing to this organization since I was in jr. high... and it is this place that is responsible for me being as music teacher. I'd rather lose a limb than give up my time there. Hell, I even made sure my wife knew before we got married: I'm going to be gone for four weeks every summer.

In any case, my days of working on saturdays in my room until 5 or 6 p.m. are limited. Oh who am I kidding, I'll probably just drive here after rehearsal and do the same thing I've been doing for the last 4 years.

IIIIIIIIIIInteresting!

So today I hear this rumor that AP Music Theory isn't considered an "Art" for the UC system (fulfilling the "f" requirement.) Immediately I high-tail it to the counseling office (breaking my no-Imperial zone oath) and corner one of the counselors to confirm. Turns out that this is not the correct information. One of our counselors (whose husband is a band director, go figure) didn't see the course on a list of approved courses and told people that AP Theory wouldn't count. I was assured by another counselor that it would. I was told to check the UC approved courses on-line to be sure.

The UC site seems kind of... vague. It has a section that lists a handful of "approved" courses (no theory), but I think that those are just examples of courses that have been accepted. There was another page that said that Music Theory was definietly an acceptable course.

The reason this is important is because It was made known to me that there were students who wanted to take the class, but thought it didn't fulfill the art requirement.... so they didn't pursue it *sigh*


I think (hope) that this is an easy fix.... I just may be able to save the Theory class for next year.

But I found something else on the same page that listed theory as "acceptable".... it was a description of music classes that were deemed unacceptable:

a musical group, which performs primarily for sporting events, parades, competitive field events, and/or community/civic activities.

How ya likin' the marching band, now, Palpy?

Who knows how to land this thing?

So yeah, one of the guys who runs HollywoodLostAndFound.net which has the awesome info page on the Wilhelm Scream responded to my last post... pretty cool, huh? (Wonder how he found it... heh heh) The scream is starting to become a joke amongst my students and I... I'll slip it in a listening test during AP Theory (right in the middle of a bach chorale or something.... heh heh.)

Okay, back to the drama...

It's becoming more and more clear how my own little crisis is fitting into the grand scheme of things. Palpatine 's new catch-phrase is "the middle 40" which refers to the percentage of students, not quite the high-end achievers, and not the near-drops-outs, who are just the average every-day bobs and janes. Apparently, palpatine wants to use the entire arts department as a tool for servicing this "middle 40."... and I'm starting to see the true meaning several comments that Palpatine made to me months ago. Things like:

"People think your music department is too elitist!"

Of course! That's my problem! I'm hogging all the "good" students. I need to be opening my doors to the whole school population!

Well, here's a couple of news flashes: 1) I never turn away any student.... high GPA or no, who wants to make music with us. In fact, I don't particularly care where they fall into the newly idntified caste system that we apparently have now... if they want to make music, they are welcome here. What I don't want (and what I think is likely to come) is a situation where we're cramming a bunch of kids who couldn't give a flap about making music into the music classes. That's right, Palpy, we'll make marching bandos out of those pot-heads and emo-goths. It'll change their lives for the better, you'll see. (And for the record, I know theres more to this... slice of the population besides the stoners and the emo kids... in fact, I love my "middle" kids. I just don't call them that.)
2) Am I correct in assuming that we are not going to encourage "high-end" students to explore the arts? (This is the notion that got my department chair steamed) And by the way, are we going to inform these "middle 40" kids that they have a lable. Lets be honest, the arts just have a lower status than math and sciences... hobbies for the rich, careers for the second-classers.

Uh-huh

I need to contact this guy at HollywoodLostandFound and ask him how hard it is to get into the movie sound biz.

E-mail = long range surface to surface missiles

It's official, I'm a damn coward. I have resolved not to traverse the halls of the Imperial palace unless I have confirmation that Palpatine is elsewhere. Of course this doesn't save me from being called in. But it does prevent me from being pulled in on a whim as I'm picking up my mail. Good thing I have student aides.

To this end, I have resorted to communicating with Palpatine through e-mail. The down side is that I'm prone to typos and stuff... and when I'm emotionally charged, I tend to fire off things before checking them. I just sent an important one back to Palpatine, and it has a couple of booboos that require some judgement to make sense out of the line. crap crap crap crap. Of course, it didn't detroy the point of the e-mail, I think Palpatine will understand.

What made today worthwhile: Yesterday I got in a light conversation with students about the Wilhelm Scream, a stock sound effect that has been an inside joke among movie sound editors for decades. It's a destinctive man's scream.... you've probably heard it 30 or 40 times and not known it. It's been in over 150 movies and God knows how many TV shows. Used to be only industry people knew about it, but now it's been made public.

Well, today I get an e-mail from one of the kids in that class linking me to a YoutTube video someone made that is basically a compilation of scenes from a bunch of movies that all use the scream. Put a big smile on my face, it did.

Commrades

This year I've made more of an effort to hang out with my fellow faculty members. Well, maybe saying "made more of an effort" implies that it was a chore... Really, it all sort of happened naturally. During our morning break, I started hanging out in the lounge (usually I just stay in my room)... mostly because of the availability of hot food: Cinnamon pastries, sausage and egg biscuts, and the Egg-McMuffins(tm). I usually have about a half-cup of Starbucks left, and take that over as well.

So, I've become part of the morning break crowd. And in the process of doing that, I've come to appreciate a lot of my colleagues more. Not that I didn't like them before, but I hadn't had that much interaction with many of them. I've discovered a couple of comic-book geek types that I have a lot in common with. I've learned to appreciate a couple of the science-types that I've previously only had e-mail correspondence with. It's also helped me bond with the dance teacher a little more (she and I have been having crisis this year, we've formed a little support group).

Morning break is a happy time, especially on days when we get to talk about TV shows that a majority of us watch. There's also people who frequently bring in things to share, like their laptops with photos, etc.

To understand how meaningful this is tome.... at my last school it was dangerous to go into the faculty lounge. You could feel about a third of your spiritual and emotional energy being sucked away just by touching the door handle. Noting but should-have-retired-a-decade-ago types
complaining about the principal, the kids, the parents.... Made you wonder why they're still in the classroom.

Make no mistake, the faculty I currently serve on has a LOT to complain about these days, but somehow we manage to tell jokes, share pictures and tease each other during break. That does a lot for keeping me going through the day.

Dammit, I like these people. They're good folk, and I'm glad to be one of them.

On the other front: I finally responded to Palpatine's e-mail yesterday. I basically said:

Perhaps I need to get my own facts straight. If my enrollment only justifies two sections, then does it not stand to reason that the others will be discontinued? I have not told anyone that particular classes would be canceeled, but instead informed students and families that a general downsizing of courses offered could occur, based on low enrollment. If this is not the case, I need to know.

That was yesterday, just after lunch. No response so far, and I have a funny feeling I'm not getting one.

I Hope You Dance

Sometimes I make a negative judgement about a student that can last for years. Not to say thaht my reasons for making said judgement are invalid, but sometimes it prevents me from appreciating the complete human. Two cases come to mind. The kid whose parent e-mailed Palpatine in an effort to save the orchestra.... that kid I had written off as a slacker. Now I find out that he's trying to recruit his friends to learn a string instrument.

And then there's this girl in choir. Senior, seemingly disinterested in the world. She usually has a book in her hands, and its difficult to get her to put it down and participate. Socially awkward (probably explains the book), and has a tendancy to react badly to things. I didn't dislike her, per se, but her presence on my roll sheet brings some feeling of discomfort, as it means I have some confrontation management to deal with.

This is my second year with her in my class. The first time was three years ago.... a situation that ended kind of poorly. I had had a few confontations with her, mostly because of her indifference to participate. When she sang, her lips barely moved, and often I caught her reading when she was supposed to be looking at the music. When she didn't come back, it was something of a relief.

This year she's been much better, although she still has her book 24/7. But we've been friendly, and I was even surprised to get a pretty thoughtful Christmas present from her. Still old perceptions die hard, and I found myself reluctant to give her the benefit of the doubt at times.

So why am I telling you this? Because today I finally plugged into my Macbook and started editing some recordings I made from the last three months, including the first semster "choir final" that involved kids singing a solo song in front of the class. For the last hour, I've been cutting and slicing, adding fades and reverb, balancing the piano levels and generally making things sound as good as I can.... and then I get to L_______'s song. What amazed me the most is the fact that I had heard it already... back in late January on finals day... and I forgot about it. I don't know how I could have.... because the person who started singing was not the same indifferent, book obsessed girl I knew three years ago. Her voice was clear and confident, and while she's far from being the best singer I have... I don't think anyone could have given the song more justice. And what's more,she gave me a song I've never heard before.... but one that I'll keep:

I Hope You Dance - Lee Ann Womack

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance.

I've said numerous times that I'm agnostic. But moments like this I'm tempted to believe in a higher power... only because it seems too coincidental that I get something that I need, from a source that also forces me through a lesson of humility.

"Now if you're feelin kinda low...

....bout the dues youve been paying
Futures coming much too slow
And you wanna run but somehow you just keep on stayin'
Can't decide on which way to go
Yeah, yeah, yeah

I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Now youre climbin' to the top of the company ladder
Hope it doesnt take too long
Cantcha you see therell come a day when it won't matter
Come a day when you'll be gone

I understand about indecision
But I don't care if I get behind
People livin' in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Take a look ahead, take a look ahead, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Now everybodys got advice they just keep on givin
Doesnt mean too much to me
Lots of people out to make-believe theyre livin
Cant decide who they should be.

I understand about indecision
But I dont care if I get behind
People li vin in competition
All I want is to have my peace of mind.

Take a look ahead, take a look ahead. look ahead."

Boston - Peace of Mind

I remember the fire of idealism from my late teens. I thought I understood the world, or at least, I knew the world as it should be. Without even really grasping what the "rat race" was, I knew didn't like it. So I latched on to songs like this and went out into the world, intent on changing it. I guess I was in for a rude awakening.... but it never happened. I was never "shocked into reality" In fact, I proceeded to live my life like the song.

I had a decidedly middle-road GPA from high school (not even a B average) attended a local community college and eventually transferred to a CSU. I never went through the pain of being rejected from this school or that school. I took the SAT (twice, in fact) but I never stressed out about it. My score was considered good for the time... so-so by todays "standards."

In short, I am a foreigner to this GPA paranoid, college resume obsessed community that I work for.

A lot of people look back on their high school selves and think "Oh what a fool I was to believe in those things." I sort-of do... but really I'm surprised to the extent to which I still believe in those things.

"By the pricking of my thumbs....

...something wicked this way comes"

William Shakespeare - MacBeth

Here I was, trying to enjoy a peaceful Spring Break, but no. Something had to come and ruin my illusion of serenity. Part of my problem is that my nervous system goes to DEFCON 1 at the first sign of trouble. I've got to stop doing that or I'm going to have a coronary someday.

....uh what was I talking about?

Oh yes... ummm, well today I get an e-mail from Palpatine. Seems that one of the orchestra kids talked to his parents, who in turn e-mailed Palpatine and unloaded a plea to keep the orchestra class on the books, despite low enrollment. Palpatine responded with an email (CC'd to the parent, Middle school principal and all counselors) saying that there was no Imperial decision to cancel any classes, and that I should respond with "the correct information."

So what sends me into a panic attack is the thought of the Imperial displeasure bearing down on me with full force for having the audacity to "spread wrongful rumors." At the same time, I'm trying to figure out if I really did anything wrong.

What did I do? Well, after Palpatine had that meeting with me to talk about my enrollment, I started mobilizing the forces (students) by telling them how dire the situation. I didn't say straightforward "By the way kids, you can thank the Emperor for this downsizing of the Music Department"... I simply passed on that we were in a pickle, enrollment-wise, and that we don't have enough numbers to justify the classes we currently offer.... and that we need to put bodies in chairs if we're going to keep the classes running. I said that because that's what came out of the meeting with Palpatine!. I was told to double my recruitment efforts.... I was told to use my community resources to help in any way shape or form. Was I supposed to fix the airplane without letting the passengers know that there was a problem?

And what the hell is "the correct information?"... When your principal tells you that you only have enough enrolled students for two sections... doesn't that mean that the other three (four in my case.... if not more) will be removed?

Why do I have this feeling that there is an implied mandate applied of all the Imperial officers to protect the Imperial public reputation even when the damage comes from the Emperor's own policy?

I refuse to write any kind of response before friday. Tomorrow I'm going to check to see what booze there is in the apartment, and I'm setting my laptop to self destruct if I connect with the schools mail server.