Music Teachers are from Mars...

...Principals are from Zeta Prime in the Delta Quadrant (1)

Dear Principal Palpatine,

It seems that in all of our time arguing in meetings, I've been seriously misinterpreting you. It's my fault, really. I have this childlike way of taking everything anyone says at face value. With you I have to read in between the lines. I thought you wanted to turn the music department into a PR machine for the school. Now I know that the PR aspect was only a positive side-affect of what you're really after.

You say: "Word on the street (2) is that you run an elitist music department, you only cater to a select few. You need to service a wider aspect of the school population."

What you mean is: "From what I've seen (3), you work mostly with the AP and Honors kids. These students should not be distracted by the arts programs. Stop hogging them. You should be focusing your efforts on the "Middle 40" students. Those kids aren't going to help our API scores, nor get into good schools anyway. We might as well put them to good use (4)"

Mrs. Palpatine,

It may surprise you to know that the *MY SCHOOL* music department does indeed service a diverse selection of the school population (5). The truth is, I'm not trying to attract a student from a particular demographic. I don't care if the students are high-performance low-performance or somewhereinbetweeny. I only want a genuine desire to make music. What I think you find distressing is that a considerable number of AP and Honors students are attracted to the arts. I know this is unacceptable, since everyone knows that artists and musicians are generally undesirable characters to begin with. (6) Also, it's not like the arts get you in to any prestigious schools. Thus we are ruining these kids potential just as sure as if we were getting them hooked on drugs.

Yes, it's true, I have a tendency to favor classical music. Aside from being a classical lover myself, I think it has an unarguably high educational value. The problem is, classical music isn't as appealing to your "Middle 40".... at least that's what you believe. Thus, you would have me downgrade the quality of music to attract the "low-brow" student population.

This is the thing I find insulting... especially on behalf of the student. What you're saying is that these "Middle 40" kids are incapable of handling, or even liking classical music. But that's not the point is it? You don't really care what it is I'm teaching the kids. You are however, interested in what I should use to lure these "half-motivated" kids in.

And speaking of luring - when you suggested in yesterday's meeting that we conduct a survey to assess the student interest in the formation of a marching band at *MY SCHOOL* you were quick to include that I must enthusiastically back the idea. But see, if I do that, then I'm not really getting an idea of what people want... I'm selling the idea that you want to put in place.

No. I'm sorry. If there is an interest in the community, then we'll talk. But I'm not going to take responsibility for creating an interest where there is none. I'm also going to hold strong to the belief that the arts are valid, and indeed important aspect of the high-performance student, as well as the idea that exposing students of all levels to quality repertoire is infinitely better than programming repertoire that only appeals to the student's existing popular tastes.

I am, however, thoroughly impressed at how driven you are. Just when I thought you'd had some of the wind taken out of your sails, you return anew. You may well be the most dangerous individual in education I've yet met.


(1) As far as we can tell. The omicron detectometer gets a little fuzzy when you try to fix on a location past a bajillion-gazillion light-centuries.

(2) By "word on the street" you mean the fictional people who project your opinion for you in a Beau Geste attempt to make me feel outnumbered.

(3) Since I can't be bothered to show up to your concerts, I'm basing my opinion of your program on the few school events that I will attend that you happen to bring a performing group to.

(4) The management reserves the right to define the terms of "good use"

(5) or did you forget about all those kids you signed up for band... you know, the ones who didn't want to be there?

(6) That impression has been around for centuries, really

STAR Testing Slacker

Well here we are in our annual round of standardized tests. (Man, sometimes NCLB makes me want to jump for joy.)

I hate proctoring standardized tests. I don't mean to sound like I'm not a team player, but it never really ends up being a good experience. In theory I'm not supposed to be proctoring: Every teacher has been assigned to cover their own 2nd period class. I have a 2nd period prep. Even if they went by another period, my classes would be problematic, being that I have a variety of student levels in virtually all of my classes (as opposed to the homogeneous environments conducive to testing.) Also, My classroom isn't the best place for taking written tests. No desks (Music stands make crappy desks). But somehow they managed to assign me to a group of 7th graders culled from various PE classes and set me up in someone else's classroom.

My main issue with this arrangement I have a very delicate classroom management system that depends highly on my rapport with the class (natural charisma goes a long way.) If you stick me in a room with kids I don't know, that chemistry doesn't kick in. Yeah I know... if I had formal classroom management techniques it wouldn't be an issue.

But I do have some advantages this time around: 7th graders are a little easier to manage. Plus, once I get the test underway, I can pretty much do whatever I want. At the very least, it's a day off of teaching.

I know, I know.... "If you don't enjoy every day of teaching.... yadda yadda yadda." Of course, I'd rather teach than do anything else for a living. But anyone who doesn't wake up on a Monday wishing it were still Saturday is bullshitting you.

10 a.m. Update: Just moved a kid who was goofing off. Does it surprise you that it was the kid with a mohawk?

10:30 a.m. Update: Just used Amazon gift certificate to buy Iron Man movie action figures.

10:35 a.m. Update: Mostly quiet, starting to suppress a few of the squirmier ones (which still aren't nearly as bad as the 10th graders I got three years ago.)

11:00 a.m. Update: For some reason admin has banned the use of iPods (during the test I understand. Once everyone in the room is done, however, it would help with crowd control.) I wouldn't mind letting them talk softly if it weren't for the one kid who is taking the entire time to finnish the test.

11:15 a.m. How do 7th grade girls put up with 7th grade boys?

Llama of the Week

Pirates are kind of hard to draw.... especially the hat

Needles in the great iTunes haystack.

Despite the fact that I am an obvious music lover, I have a terrible habit of treating my CDs poorly. They usually end up in a big stack in my office cabinet. After a few years of that sort of thing, they tend to get a wee bit scratched up. This year, I've noticed that more of them are becoming unplayable than ever before. For years, students have been urging me to invest in an iPod. Last year, I finally got one. How did I ever survive without these things?

But see, my only problem is that some of my recordings have been damaged beyond salvation. You might say "No problem... just buy them again on the iTunes store." But when you're talking about classical music a particular complication comes up:

If you have a hankering to listen to Elvis singing "Blue Suede Shoes"... you log onto iTunes and download that song from whatever compilation it resides on. Chances are, you'll find the same recording on multiple albums. But if you want to hear Beethoven's Symphony No. 9... you may find over 70 different recordings of it by different conductors, orchestras, soloists, etc. And while they all used the same sheet music, you will find drastically different takes on tempo, dynamics, and expressive nuance. It can be difficult to find recordings that you really like.

Add to this the fact that your perception of certain pieces may be greatly affected by the first recording that you heard. It just so happens that I am particularly attached to my 1972 Solti/Chicago Symphony recording of Beethoven 9: the solo baritone singer has a particularly low, deep tone... making the baritone on every other recording I've ever heard sound like they have a testosterone deficiency. Fortunately, I was able to move that one into my iTunes collection without much fuss.

Not so with my recording of the Bach Double Violin Concerto, and my Handel Watermusic/Royal Fireworks CD. Both of them scratched beyond salvation, both of them out of print. So I spent the better part of last night clicking through the samples of the iTunes store to find replacements. It was kind of depressing: it's almost as if all the recordings of the last 20 years took everything up about ten notches on the metronome - way to frantic for my taste. I used what little information I remembered about my previous recordings to find a suitable substitute: conductor, orchestra, soloists.... In both cases I found recordings by the same people. After purchasing and downloading them, I realized that I had indeed found the exact same recordings re-released on different albums.

Score.

Totally.

Nothing about Music, Teaching or Principals...

Everything about llamas:

While looking for some on-line inspirations for the next "Llama of the Week," I ran across this interesting (and bizarre) fact: Llamas are used very effectively as guard animals for various herds of livestock. They apparently have a very protective nature, and when taken from a herd of llamas and placed into a herd of something else, they adopt the new herd and protect it accordingly.

Besides dogs and llamas, other animals used for control and protection include donkeys, kangaroos and ostriches.

Groovy.

Llama of the Week

No matter who wins.... the llama is screwed.

"Life will find a way"

Follow up to my post: O Captain, My Captain

While I've been hearing horror stories about the APs who are replacing Jeff and Dan next year, I have also been taking into consideration something that Rich (drama teacher) said recently: "One of the things that I noticed when I came to this school (three years ago) is that this staff knows how to function under adversity." This is true. In our administrative shuffle over the last ten years, we've had to learn how to function with constantly changing Ps and APs, as well as dealing with severe competence and trust issues. In short, we're battle-hardened.

I'm not sure that Palpatine understands that rather than establishing her dominance, she's pretty much united most of the faculty in opposition by being a common adversary.

I'm not saying next year will be easy... I'm saying that I think we're going to be able to handle it one way or another.

"If there is one thing the history of evolution has taught us it's that life will not be contained. Life breaks free, expands to new territory, and crashes through barriers, painfully, maybe even dangerously. " Ian Malcom - Jurassic Park

Revenge of the Rebel Alliance

Things are getting interesting around here for sure. Not that things haven't been "interesting" on a regular basis over the last three years. I guess what I mean that for the first time in a long time I can sit back and appreciate the fact that things are interesting, rather than simply worrying about my own little corner of the universe.

So last week we had a faculty meeting in which it became clear that the results of the district-wide principal survey had been released. I knew that a lot of people from our school responded to it, but I didn't know how many had been severely critical of Palpatine. To be sure, her response was like that of a cornered animal. Word on the street was that she refused to believe that so many people would write so many negative comments about her. She assumed that a few malcontents filled out the survey multiple times. (1) The union people put that to rest once the admin had left the room by asking a show of hands of how many people completed the survey. I started to get the feeling that despite all of my issues with Palpatine, my survey was one of the milder ones.(2)

We got something of a lecture on professionalism, and courtesy - given the fact that when a parent approaches admin about an issue with the teacher, they direct the parent to contact the teacher in question to works things out. She basically expects the same of us. The problem is, it's well known that private meetings with Palpatine aren't safe environments. Plus you never know when she's dealing you a fair hand.

In the couple of days following the faculty meeting, there were even more interesting developments, especially for me. Palpatine called a meeting with the arts teachers... one in which I was not invited. Now, the meeting was held during the 0 period hour (when I have a class) so it may have been that I wasn't included because she knew I wasn't available. (3)
The meeting was regarding next year's schedule. Lo and behold, we got pretty much everything we asked for. Our drama teacher, Rich, told me that Palpatine kept bringing me up in the meeting... as if she were trying to communicate to me through them.

Now, as Rich described it, it almost seemed as if Palpatine is being very careful with me. I'm not sure why. Both Rich and Tina (our department chair) are waaaay more feisty than I am, and pose a much bigger threat.(4) It may be because I have a pretty strong approval rating with parents, students and my fellow faculty, I don't know.

The short of it is that she's leaving my schedule alone. She isn't going to try to cram kids in my classes who didn't sign up for them. She isn't going to try to get rid of music classes that she doesn't see a use for. And for whatever reason.... well, I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, that's for sure.

In the end, this may mean that I might have a more peaceful Summer than last. But that doesn't mean that I'm not going to sleep with one eye open.



(1) And honestly, I am guilty of that sort of thing on the IMDb message boards. Not with the survey, though.

(2) "milder" not "friendlier"

(3) or it could be that she intentionally scheduled the meeting during that time because she knew I wasn't available... it's hard to tell with her.

(4) Both of them have no problem going to the powers-that-be with their complaints. Me?.... I'm more like "Don't piss me off or I'll blog about you!"

Grand Designs of a 10-Year-Old

When you're 10, trying to imagine what your life will be like when you're an adult is... well, you all know what that's like. All the way through our teens we imagine older versions of ourselves doing things that we find appealing at the time. No kid aspires to be a loan officer or a financial analyst. (1) Some may dream of being rich... but what they do in order to get that money is usually a little hazy.

Then we "grow up." Most of us abandon our childhood aspirations in favor of more practical plans. A lucky few manage to evolve their dreams into something more substantial, but no less fullfilling. (2) To this, Joni Mitchell remarked:

So the years spin by and now the boy is twenty
Though his dreams have lost some grandeur coming true
Therell be new dreams, maybe better dreams and plenty
Before the last revolving year is through

Joni Mitchell - The Circle Game

I'm trying to remember what my own plans were... I remember wanting to be a super-hero at one time.(3) Then when I was nine, I wanted to be a lawyer. (4)

I had no idea that I was going to end up a musician, much less a teacher. When I was 10 years old, the local music teacher came into my 4th grade class with a big chart of instruments. He didn't have any that we could try, nor any recorded examples.(5) We had to choose based on what they looked like. At first I wanted to play flute (mostly because my friend wanted to play flute... and I ah... well you know.)(6) My Dad kind of vetoed the flute idea. "Flute is for girls," He said. So I asked him what kind of an instrument would at least go well with flute. "How about saxophone?" he said. (7)

Now, it would be very senitmental, indeed, to credit my father with my instrument choice.(8) Actually the truth was a little more embarassing. I thought the saxophone looked funny, and had kind of dismissed the idea. But it just so happened that 1978 was the same year that a cheesy little disco movie called Thank God It's Friday hit the theaters. It was supposed to be another Saturday Night Fever, but it didn't quite work out that way.

It did have some early appearances of people who would go on to do much bigger and better things (Jeff Goldblum, Debra Winger, and... Teri Nunn of all people.) Also it featured "performances" by Donna Summer and The Commodores. It was the latter playing the song "To Hot To Trot" that stuck with me... particularly the horn break in the middle. It was then that I got this weird idea that I would learn to play sax, and then grow up and join the Commodores.(9)

I had no idea that Beethoven, Palestrina, Duke Ellington and Gustav Holst were in my future, much less have any idea that I would use music to contemplate my own existence and the nature of the universe. All I wanted to do was wear a shiny sequined jumpsuit and play the riff from "Too Hot To Trot" (10)

It's a good thing for me that this time it panned out to something better. (11)


1. Except maybe my wife. Everyone in her family learned to read by looking at the Wall Street Journal.

2. I count myself among them

3. My Elementary school teacher just nodded and smiled, bless her soul.

4. I Didn't even know what a lawyer was... I just knew that for some reason people seemed to respect them. Ah, blissful, innocent ignorance.

5. It was 1978. Cut him some slack.

6. Funny, I don't even remember her name anymore.

7. He had no idea what he was talking about. Luckily, he was right. Turns out the fingering system is about as close as two different wind instruments can get.

8. That sort of thing works well for memoires.

9. I didn't catch on to the fact that there was an unspoken skin-tone requirement.

10. You want know the funny thing?... to this day, I've never played it.

11. Can you imagine me as a superhero or a lawyer?

O Captain, My Captain

There's nothing that threatens a bureaucracy more than a competent man. Take the example of Jeff, one of our assistant principals: Intelligent, hard working, conscientious... and probably the quality that endears him to the faculty more than anything else - he's honestly trying to do what's right for the school*.

...Oh yeah, he has to go....

So, it's been leaked that in next year's administrative shuffle, Jeff is going to be reassigned to another school. Those of us in the campus community who actually know about it aren't too happy. Unfortunately, It doesn't look as if there's anything anyone can do.

So Jeff...

We're really going to miss you. The marquee will never be the same. Nor will the morning announcements. But those are just the little things that made me laugh... your real worth is in being a person we can trust.**

I'm sorry for all the times I contributed to the list of things teachers do that make your life harder. You are a good man, and honest man. I hope *YOUR NEW SCHOOL* appreciates you as much as we do.




* Honestly, given the way a lot of people approach the job they should change the name from "Administration" to "Self Promotion and Preservation."

** And by "we" I mean the students, faculty and parents. Of course, this doesn't include the rest of the administrative crowd, who obviously consider you to be a liability. That's what happens when you actually try to help the people you're supposed to keep in the dark.

The Voice of God

I'm agnostic. You can blame my Mother. She grew up in a strict Baptist environment, and eventually grew to hate it. She ended up a die-hard humanist. My father grew up Catholic, but abandoned it by the time I was born. Hence, my family was never the church-goin type. Despite this, I spent a lot of time in Catholic School... mostly because my parents thought it would keep me out of trouble. Little did they know that the trouble was still there, I just managed to avoid it.

In any case, I always felt some level of spirituality, but with out the benefit of a family-driven faith, I didn't quite know how to focus it. In my college years I looked into various churches*... but having spent a lot of time in Catholic services... other Christian denominations seemed... "unorganized"

You must forgive that observation. The Catholics in the room know what I'm talking about: Mass is a very specific ritual with heavy audience participation - STAND - SIT- KNEEL - STAND - SAY THIS - NOW SAY THIS - NOW SHAKE EVERYBODY'S HAND - NOW GET COMMUNION - KNEEL SOME MORE!!!!.... Consequently, when I finally went to my first non-Catholic service, it seemed like:

"Hey guys, thanks for showing up. Well... let's talk about Jesus for a while, then we... umm... can sing about him... and then maybe a little more singing.... yeah..."

So... in short... I was a frustrated spriritual pagan.

Most of what I learned about religion I actually learned in my music history classes. Also... just listening to Bach, Brahms, Mozart, Beethoven. The big turning point was being sent to the library to listen to Brahms' Requiem and falling alseep in the listening booth (yeah, with the headphones on). I woke up just as the fourth movement was starting**:

Wie lieblich sind deine Wohnungen, Herr Zebaoth! Meine seele verlanget und sehnet sich nach den Vorhöfen des Herrn; mein Leib und Seele freuen sich in dem lebendigen Gott. Wohl denen, die in deinem Hause wohnen, die loben dich immerdar.

How lovely is thy dwelling place, O Lord of hosts!
My soul longeth, yea, even fainteth for the courts of the Lord: my heart and my flesh crieth out for the living God. Blessed are they that dwell in thy house: they will be still praising thee.

That was the moment that changed my whole virew of choral music. I'd never heard anything so heart-stoppingly beautiful. From then on I had the door opened a little bit more. While not being particularly religious, I started to wonder if works like the Requiem could have entirely been constructed from the mind of a mere mortal. Then I read quotes from people like Beethoven who said, in effect, that the composition process was his way of talking to God, and that what he created was greater than himself.

So where am I today? The same spiritually frustrated pagan. I do, however, express my perception of the un-named Powers-that-Be musically. Fortunately, I work in a a very relaxed community that doesn't mind that we get into some really heavy sacred music... even around the holidays*** But my absolute favorite thing is doing big combined choral and orchestral works... Bach, Vivaldi, Mozart... and this weekend... the Gloria from Haydn's Theresienmesse - my advanced choir + a local youth orchestra... let's talk about "Glory to God in the Highest." It was spectacular.

I'm not trying to preach to anyone... I just think that when you're performing music that someone wrote out of faith, you're basically tapping into their core psyche on a very powerful level. That's where music is the biggest rush.

Yup... that's the advantage of being a musician: You get to hear the voice of God (even agnostics, like me). Everyone else has to wait until they die.

* I thought briefly about looking into Buddhism, but never got around to it.

** Don't ask me how I managed to sleep through the second movement. If you know the piece, you know what I mean.

*** I'm sorry, but "Gloria In Excelsis Deo" kind of (musically) kicks the crap out of "Here Comes Santa Clause." Of course, I also include Hannukah music as well. I basically jump on any chance I get to have the kids sing something in Hebrew.

Oh, temptation, thy name is job interview....

So yesterday, my friend and colleague (Susan) celebrated her birthday by inviting friends over to their (relatively) new house for a modest gathering. There was good food, drink and friendly conversation. One of the people I met was another high school music teacher who worked for a not-so-far-away school that is similar in a lot of ways to mine. Nice guy, young... not 30 yet I don't think. Maybe four years of teaching experience. We got to talking and it turns out we have some very similar philosophies.

One of them is the strange desire to expose our students to repertoire that, given our size, ability level and instrumentation, we probably shouldn't even attempt. But what we both immediately agree on is that the ONLY way our students will have a clue of the depth of repertoire out there is to throw them, occasionally, in the deep end. Yeah...

Well, what's more interesting is that this guy is leaving at the end of this year. He's going to Arizona to work on a graduate degree.

Now, given that his school and my school serve similar communities it't tempting to check this job out. From what I could gather about this guy's personality, I think I would be an excellent follow up.

The down side: I would be doing marching band (But not that intense. They keep their involvement at a really reasonable level) I would also be giving up choral and orchestral music, which I love so dearly now.

The up side: No evil bean-counting self-promoting micro-managing tyrant principal. Also, they pay more.

I can tell you right now, I'm probably not going to look into it too much. I know for a fact that I'm not quite ready to leave *MY SCHOOL* yet. Also, everyone knows Palpatine is getting ready to execute her grand finale and then exit stage left. One more year... yeah I can do one more year.

But man, I'm curious enough to want to interview. That would be dishonest, probably.

Llama of the Week

7th Graders

Kid: Mr. Maestro.... someone stole my backpack....

Me: ... ummm.. okay where did you leave it?

Kid: In my locker.

Me: Well, did you leave your locker door open?

Kid: No

Me: Well... did you tell your locker combination to anyone?

Kid: Um... Scotty... but he shares the locker with me... I don't think he took it.

Me: Well if no one else has the combo....

Kid: Umm... well, there's Jack.

Me: Jack?

Kid: Yeah.

Me: Why does Jack have your locker combo?

Kid: Because he eventually had to let me out of the locker when he shoved me in it and slammed the door.

Me: WHAT!?!!

Kid: ..........

Me: When did this happen?

Kid: Two days ago.

I love it when we don't suck

Yup.... Spring Concert... I pulled another one out of my hat. Everything went really well. The kids in charge of set-up did a bang up job. All the performances were fine.

And HOLD THE GORRAM PRESSES... Palpatine showed up!

I mean she was there... for the whole thing!

Wow...

I tried not to make too much eye contact with her (although I did publically acknowledge her presence, as one is supposed to do.) The kids said that she looked like she'd rather be having a root canal.

Today I ran into one of the parents who told me that she was sitting about two rows behind Palpatine, and that everyone around her was talking about how great the program was, yadda yadda yadda....

Score one for me.

Now, I'm pretty sure that this was an effort to rebuild a bridge... but considering it's Palpatine we're talking about, I have to assume that there's some ulterior motive in mind.

Whatever... is it spring break yet?