A Parting Thought

Those of you who read my blog regularly know that I am prone to being overly critical of myself at times. It's something that I hold on to, because I have seen teachers who give up trying to make themselves better.... and the last thing I want to become is one of those. I also have a way of comparing myself to the best music teachers I know.... and I know some damn good music teachers.

I have plenty of evidence of things to feel good about... plenty of things to be proud of. I have admiration from colleagues, affection from students and families, stellar professional evaluation results and even a few teaching awards. I have memories of wonderful concerts, and so many exciting performance opportunities that I'm starting to have trouble remembering them all.

And still I find ways of beating myself down. I thought about that recently, especially as I was carefully removing the bronze plaque (the one I mentioned in my last post) dedicated to the legendary NRHS instrumental director. I'd like to think that he would approve of the job I've done over the last 14 years at NRHS. But he and I were so different - his main strength was being a tough disciplinarian. I am anything but.... my bleeding heart and easy-going nature makes me an easy target for students who want to skate by. If nothing else, I'd like to think that he would appreciate the mere fact that since his passing, I was the first teacher to dig in and make a real go of it.

Before I got there, NRHS was the program no one would really want. No one good, anyway. It's a tough job - mixed middle school and high school population, vocal and instrumental, no strong feeders. It's almost a built-in recipe for failure. Because of that, I was preceded by a string of teachers who took the job only until they could find something better. One woman in particular is an outstanding educator - probably one of the best in Southern California. That she gave up after only three years makes me feel a little nervous.

I wish I could say that I was truly beating the odds and succeeding where other failed. The truth is that after 14 years, the NHRS musical product is still not up to what you'd find in a normal high school (with the exception of my advanced choir). On the other hand - I am making it work well enough that a lot of kids go through the program, and come out on the other end satisfied and appreciative... and don't think that I can't see the value in that.

And as I started moving boxes of stuff out of my office, I was hit by another thought - one that made my coming to NRHS seem almost preordained: This program is about to be ripped from it's home and set adrift in a tiny lifeboat for no less than two years (probably more) while the new facility is completed. What it needs more than anything is someone who can keep the community intact and functional. Not to discount musical knowledge, pedagogy and classroom management - but we're going to be in survival mode until we reach the promised land. I'm the guy for the job... if for no other reason, for the fact that I'm the one who cares that much.