I am a Failure

I just realized it... I am a waste of the taxpayers dollars spent on years of my education. I am basing this statement, of course, on my current principal's caste-system division of students. I was never really an AP or an Honors level kid, not from lack of intelligence, mind you... more from a lack of drive and discipline. I was an "A" kid with a "C" motivation at best. Let's compare my own high school performance with that of Palpatine's standards:

High School GPA: 2.7 Not even considered moderately average in this school (even before Palpatine) A solid slacker.

SAT Score: First try - 1010 Second Try - 1180 Barely acceptable by mid-level colleges. UC System and Ivy League wouldn't even give me the time of day.

No High School Diploma - G.E.D. My mom realized what was going on an fuigured there was no reason to keep me in high school for another year. She had me take the California High School Proficiency Exam after my junior year. Probably the main reason why UC didn't want me.

Two years at Community College: And we all know that CC is for all you folks who want to barely avoid a career that entails a name tag and a hair net.

Six years at a State School: And we all know that state schools are barely a cut above the CC's. Furthermore: what was I doing aimlessy wandering in and out of majors (and extra-curricular activities) when I should have been focused towards a goal of matriculation, graduation and entering the work force?

Masters degree - Also Obtained from a State School. I just never learn.

And probably the worst of all: I wasted my time in music when I could have been in a sport.... something that would have done much more for me in the way of getting me into a better college.

There are only two things that keep me from being a complete disgrace: 1) My dicipline record was pretty clean - no drugs or trouble with the law. 2) Despite my academic apathy, I actually tested very well. My standardized test scores were usually up in the top %15 of my class. That's probably what frustrated my teachers the most.

Thus, I would probably fit right in at the bottom half of what my principal refers to as "The Middle 40" I find this fact very poigniant, simply because it means that if I were a student today in the same school that I am currently working at, I would be exactly the kind of student that Palpatine thinks should be in marching band. Maybe that's part of the reason why I get so offended at her statements about the "middle 40" kids... because she's talking about me too!

Now, I'm sure that those of you who know me realize that you do not need to rescue me from this. I do not, in fact, consider myself a failure. All of these benchmarks that I discussed do not in the least describe my value as a human being. They may have said something about the kind of student that I was... and indeed, it was not in my future to cure cancer, develop the means to clean abundant energy, lead the country, nor head up the next great mega-corporation.

But see, once I decided that I wanted to be a music teacher... well, there's no equivalent way to judge the success of that (1). My indications of my worth come in the form of testaments that people have given me, telling me what influence I've had in their lives.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that when you compare lifetime achievements, Palpatine will most likely have racked up far more accolades on paper. But the one thing I'll have over Palpatine by an incalculable degree is the number of people who can point to me and say "My life was better because of him." Now tell me that something like that isn't going to be infinitely more comforting to me when it is time for me to leave this world.



(1) Okay that's not true. There is. Music teachers have their own world of politics and beuracracy that evolve around competitions and festival scores and all sorts of things that... well I consider most of it to be just another form of bullshit. That's something for another post, though. Trust me, it's coming.