Introductions, Adjustments, and "Falling with style"

Over the Summer, the plan to expand our music program by hiring a choir teacher to take over the vocal was put into motion.  Again, I've known that this was probably going to happen eventually, but the gestation time from the initial talks to the actual hiring happened so fast that it didn't give me a chance to process the adjustments that I would have to make.  And while the changes will ultimately benefit all of us, the immediate effect feels not unlike having a limb severed.  (To be honest, I don't *really* know what that feels like)

This is all happening while NRHS is going through an unprecedented process of metamorphosis - from the administrative team, to the physical layout of the campus to the schedule, no stone is left unturned.  We've had upheavals in our routine before, but not on this scale... and even then, the changes (large and small) that I've seen over the years have had a minimal effect on the music department.  Like Elrond Half-elven, I have used my subtle but potent magic to protect the realm within my borders from change.  Alas, even Rivendell could not resist the winds of change forever, and so it is with the NRHS Music Department.   But to be sure... NRHS is *not* the same school.  I might need to come up with a new name.

At any rate, we did find a choir teacher... or rather *they* did.  I was out-of-town for the hiring process.  He's good - younger, more energetic, full of ideas.  He's also in the middle of doing his masters in vocal conducting, so the musical iron is hot on the anvil.  We also seem to have similar philosophies and common goals, despite having different styles. Given the direction I've been taking the program for the last umpteen years, he would seem to be a good fit.  Even so, I do feel a little like Woody watching Buzz Lightyear make an entrance.  (Especially after the slam dunk he pulled off with the advanced choir in front of the whole school at back-to-school night with only a week of rehearsal.)

The adjustment is not easy - although to date is has been as easy as it probably could be, given that Buzz and I are both trying to make it as smooth as possible.  The fact remains that I'm attached to the choirs, as they are to me.  It would be different had I resigned or retired - I wouldn't still be walking through the halls.  As it is, I'm sitting in the back of the room while my new colleague teaches half the time (we have to share a rehearsal space for the time being) and it's all too easy for a kid to turn their head towards me, wave and flash a smile that stabs my heart a little.

Beyond that, there is also something of a loss of purpose.  I fully admit that trying to be a jack-of-all trades made it difficult to give any of the classes the attention they deserve.  Despite that, I enjoyed being more than a band/orchestra director.  Amending my e-mail signature to "Director of Instrumental Music" seemed more like announcing a demotion to the world.  Whats more, sharing the music facility feels a little like having a sudden, unexpected roommate who suddenly owns half of everything.  Well.... not 'feels like'... it is.  I can't help but wonder if this adjustment is but a taste of what retirement will be like.

The good news is that there are a lot of things that I have faith in.  I have faith in my kids.  I have faith that everything will settle down and that life will be good before too long.  I have faith in Buzz...and I do have faith in myself as well.  Despite how I feel about Buzz's arrival, I know that he is a good guy and a talented musician, and that we will be the stronger for it. (After all, Buzz and Woody end up making a great team). Even so, I'm still paranoid about being "that guy" who sabotages a new colleague out of fear and/or envy... perhaps in subconscious ways.  Maybe it's my awareness and self-honesty that prompts me to suspect my own feelings.  But then, my dear friend, Ms. Characterized, reminds me that I am allowed to feel what I'm feeling... in fact it is imperative that I process, and even express it.

The most heartening thing, however, has been the numerous people - parents and students - who approached me after the beginning of the school year and said "I'm so glad to see you - when we heard there was a new music teacher, we were afraid that you had resigned!  It wouldn't be the same without you!"

It's not so bad to be Woody after all.