The Last Letter

Dear Former Principal Palpatine,

As the 2009-2010 School year approaches, I decided to write this last address to you which, sadly, will never cross your eyes. I had hoped that in our last meeting you would have realized the severity of my lack of trust and loyalty towards you. Alas, I understand that you have an uncanny ability to ignore anything that doesn't play to your advantage. Had I known that it would be our last interaction... ohh the things I would have said. Then again, you never listened... and you certainly can't be expected to remember. In the future, you will probably only recall me as the pesky band teacher who refused to play to your tune.

You probably knew that my name was high on a list of people that wanted you gone. When you finally announced your resignation, the number of people who approached me, expecting me to join in hearty chorus of "Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead" (I'm not kidding... they're using that song.) was even more than I had expected. But see... I'm not a witch-burner. Anger and contempt are somewhat foreign to me. They eat at my psyche and steal energy from my endeavors that require compassion. They rob me of my ability to be playful, optimistic and imaginative.

So when I am put in a situation where I am forced to deal with those emotions, I obsess over the source. That's what happened at CowTown High School... and the fact that you inspired those things here... at the school that healed and nurtured me after the living hell that CowTown was... you have no idea how much that made me resent you, and thus resent myself for letting you have that much control over me.

I've been trying to process your presence in my life ever since I started this blog. I now hope to try to bring that process to a close by compiling a few lists of things that I need to express about you... lists that I tried to make concise and as cleanly defined for my own sake (besides, bullet points are the only way to get you to absorb anything.)

Were I the person writing your professional evaluation, these are the items that I would be sure to include:

* You not only support a culture that defines personal value as a number, you celebrate it.

* You truly believe that the end justifies the means: lying, bullying and unfairly stacking the odds in your favor.

* You treat everyone you meet in accordance with how they can help you towards your personal goals.

* You have no understanding of, nor any real appreciation for the arts.

Things that I will never forgive you for:

* You tried to use me and my students to meet the wants of people who are not enrolled in the music program, nor have any children enrolled.

* You tried to enforce your vision of the music program, one that not only dictated our purpose in the school, but also identified the kind of student that we should recruit.... based on academic scores.

* You used intimidation tactics on me on behalf of your favorite student.

* You suggested that I had no passion for my discipline..... how fucking dare you!

Things that I should actually thank you for:

* I will never again blindly trust my supervisors.

* I now know that I have the ability to stand up to people like you.

* Through you I was forced to define the things that I needed to defend, thus bringin me to a clearer focus of who I am.

* Through you, I learned a lot about how school beuracracies work, and how best to maeuver myself for survival.

* Through common adversity I developed stronger bonds with my fellow faculty.

Things that your resignation brings to my life:

* I can feel comfortable walking through the front office again.

* I am free to develop a healthy relationship with athletics on my own terms.

* I am relieved to know that when my son arrives, he will not meet a father plagued by worry and self-doubt.

A colleague once warned me about what I posted online... even here on my "anonymous" blog, lest the administration actually discover it. I almost wish that you had. From here on out, I may still have a few things to say about you here.... but I have nothing more to say to you. Our time is done. We are quits.

Maestro

Music Director, New Republic High School

Survivor.