In short, they want to withdraw, and they want their money back.
Being that I am a professional, and a caring member of a non-profit organization, I refrained from e-mailing the mother back myself. If any response is made, it will be made by the executive director (James), or the business manager (Karen). I know the parents don't know how we operate, and it sounds like they have a "my kid first" approach in general. I know better than to take the e-mail personally... but it was hard not to feel the burn on that one.
If only I had a blog or something where I could vent.... oh wait....
*Ahem* Dear Pushy Orchestra Parent -
1) You daughter was not misplaced. She was the victim of an unfortunate truth in the orchestra world: Orchestra only use flutes (and all winds for that matter) in pairs. That means there is more competition for fewer spots. Quite frankly, the other flutists out-played her. So while she might have been okay tagging along on 2nd flute parts, we couldn't place her in the upper group because to do so would be to put the string/wind ratio out-of-balance. You need to understand and accept this, because if she is going to play at the upper levels she needs to know that a) she will be rejected a lot and b) she better bring her game - like all of it - if she intends to win an orchestral wind position, because the competition (as you may or may not have noticed) is kind of intense. And please don't ask us to tweak the orchestra instrumentation to accommodate your daughter. The upper levels of music cater to the needs of the composer, rather than the needs of the player. That's the way it has to be. Get used to it.
2) I selected music based on the quality of the composition, not necessarily the technical challenge. yes, I understand that the technical aspect is important, especially to younger players - but you should understand that there is far more to music than conquering difficult fingerings and rhythms. I happen to be a specialist in style and phrasing, which is why I pick the music I do. I know you think the __________ piece in particular is "an insult to her abilities" given how easy the notes and rhythms are - but the truth is that it is a piece regularly done by professional groups simply because it is beautiful. Not only that, it requires the players to sustain well-supported long tones, something your daughter hasn't quite mastered yet. I'm sorry that neither you, she nor her private flute teacher feel that she has anything to learn from slow music. I hope some day that she learns to be something other than a technical robot.
3) Contrary to what you think I do not make these decisions alone. I make no decisions regarding string player placement, and any moving that has to be done must be approved by the upper orchestra conductor. So really, it was a staff-wide decision (I know that doesn't make it any better). Furthermore, no teacher, even a bad one, intentionally holds any student back from reaching their potential. What we have is an all-too-common example of difficulty meeting the needs of the more proficient player in an ensemble. There may be a way to address this, but accusing me of being a villain isn't going in the right direction.
4) Ma'am, I had to walk away from you because it was in the middle of rehearsal and I was busy. (This is where the "my kid first" attitude comes in.) What you're really angry about is the fact that I didn't give you what you wanted on the spot. Again, even if such a thing were possible - I don't make those decisions by myself so I couldn't make you any promises.
5) (This is the one that gets me) Yes, we made some decisions this year based on financial issues - but accusing us of being money-grubbing opportunists is uncalled for. We are not gunning for salary increases, or trying to buy extensions for our summer homes - We need money to operate. In fact we made sacrifices this year - dropping almost all of our support staff members and resorting to borrowed music rather than buying new repertoire - just so that we can keep going. We are NOT a government subsidized program. We operate solely with what we bring in through tuition and donations, and when that runs out the organization ceases to be. The entire staff was ready to take pay cuts this year, and it was only when the sole remaining founding member volunteered to take a leave of absence that we managed to balance the books.
Ma'am the measly stipend I make from this effort is not really worth the weekend time away from my wife and 1-year-old child. I do it because I like making music with kids, and I (we) really try to do our best despite the the money situation. If we are not meeting the needs of your child, then we really will try to make things better, but do not for a second doubt the resolve or the intent of our program or it's staff. These people are among the best music educators that I have ever known, and they deserve better.
In the end, I don't think there is any way to prevent this family from bailing out on us. The simple fact is, the music probably is easy for their daughter- probably for a few others as well and yes that is an issue we have to address. I'm still a little put off by some of the accusations leveled at us (me)... but I understand that I have to let that go by - it's probably more of a concerned parent knee jerk reaction.
*sigh*
2 comments:
Dammit. I'm so sorry. I hate that you had to go through this!
I wish you could send this to the director, too, so he would have some extra oomph at hand when he replies to her.
Keep the faith. You do a good job; and you want to do a better one.
Well, it turns out there were a few more e-mails exchanged - ones that were not forwarded to me. Without saying too much, both the exec director and the business manager left it at "She's a world class nut." Apparently she was so hostile to James that he told Karen to give them a full refund just to get them out of our hair.
I'm not going to lose any more sleep over it.
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