Dude Looks Like a Lady

So, the transgender issue has officially hit my classroom.  Kind of.  Well, I'm not sure 'transgender' is the right word.  'Cross-dressing' perhaps.  It's all so confusing.  Gender/sexual orientation issues are like cable television.  We used to have 4 choices.... now there are like 500.  I'm not sure the kid is gay, and he doesn't refer to himself as a 'she'.  That part doesn't make a difference to me - however he wants to manage that is up to him.  The only part that concerns me is that he's taken to wearing feminine attire - and he did it at a recent concert.

I saw this developing over time - I had time to prepare myself.  I was also fortunate to have been watching the media, and saw the concerns for transgender students filter through the state administration.  And to be honest, I don't know that I care about the basic idea of having a boy dressed like a girl on stage.  I mean, yeah... I grew up rather sheltered and socially conservative (not so much religiously) and there's a lot about transwhateverism that I can't really wrap my mind around.  And while I'm not narrow-minded enough to reject the issue outright, I do kind of want to roll my eyes at it.  In the interests of 'walking the walk' when it comes to tolerance, I let it go. I believe 'tolerance' isn't as much about fully embracing things as it is trying to co-exist peacefully with things you don't 'get'.  That, and I actually do like this kid, and want to help him through his difficulties.

There is one issue I have with the kid, though.  It isn't so much that he's dressing like a girl - he's dressing to stand out.  The skirt he wore on stage was split up to his thigh, and his high heels radiated like white beacons in a sea of black. Now, he's actually a nice kid.  He's not disrespectful or troublesome.... in fact he's very quiet and introverted.  Fragile, even.  But there's something desperate about him... like he needs to get something out into the world - something loud, and he doesn't know how else to do it.  That observation isn't just based on his clothing gender preference, there's other evidence too.  At more casual department events, he refrains from socializing but uses a small portable audio system to blast music.  When he's wearing the group polo shirt for informal performances, he simultaneously wears something else that's bright neon colored (pants or leggings)  It seems obvious to me - he's a shy kid screaming at the universe.

I empathize with that, but I also am trying to run a student program that utilizes a uniform.  It isn't a control issue on my part.  Honest.  The thing about a uniform in a musical group is that it equalizes the importance of the members - much the same way a sport uniform does.  Distinction comes through performance, not appearance.  It's also a way of showing respect to your team members - that you are not using them as a means of comparison to make yourself more important.... that just seems selfish to me.

With that in mind, here's the discussion I'm going to have with him:  Wear a skirt, but wear one that meets the school's dress code for girls.  Wear the heels, but wear black ones, because that's what's in the concert attire expectations.

I'll let you know how that goes.