Dear Parents

Just a suggestion: If you feel your son or daughter has had a negative experience in my class and you feel the need to communicate with me via e-mail (and by all means... please do!) You may want to open with simple questions or statements and then leave the ball in my court.

For example:

Dear Mr. Maestro - We have noticed that Petunia's grade in your class is currently a B. We don't understand how the grade is broken down, and would like to speak to you about how this can be improved.

Short, sweet and to the point. This, I can deal with.

Here's an example of what not to do:

Dear Mr. Maestro - We have noticed that Petunia's grade in your class is currently a B. This is very alarming to us. Since the first day of school, Petunia has told us how much she loves your class, and how much she looks forward to it. We hear her practicing her clarinet every day, and have been looking into private lessons....

(two paragraphs later)

.... has been her desire to make music since the second grade, when she picked up a recorder for the first time. Since then, every teacher has remarked about how musically inclined she is. We find it hard to believe that someone with her aptitude for music could possibly be penalized for....

(five paragraphs later)

...going back four generations of musicians in our family. In fact, our immigrant parents both insisted that music continue to be a part of the family values and education...

(further down the page... I stopped counting... and reading to be honest)

...unfair treatment of students of Eastern European descent, which our children have suffered continually ever since they were enrolled in this school system. It is frustrating and unfortunate that this society we live in cannot get past such petty....

(until finally)

Please contact us immediately so that we can prevent any further damage to Petunia's academic career.

Sincerely - Pavlo and Nadia Smalki (No... not real names)

Please do not think that I do not appreciate the eloquence (and stamina) it requires to pen such a thorough statement. It's just that I wouldn't want you to feel silly when I respond with:

Dear Pavlo and Nadia,

Thank you for your e-mail. My records indicate that Petunia has not turned in her student contract, found on the back of the syllabus, which (as I stated in the class e-mail in the first week) resulted in an 11% deduction from the September grade. Petunia may still turn in the contract for full credit. You can find a copy of it posted on the school web site.

Thank you for your time.

M.