Greener pastures?...

It's nice to know that I have people in my corner. I work for two institutions outside of the school, one is a summer music program while the other is a youth orchestra that meets on weekends. When the woes of public school are weighing in, it's good to know that there are places in the world where the validity of what I do is fully realized.

Today I relayed my current frustrations with *MY PRINCIPAL* (P) to my colleagues in the youth orchestra. The director of the program, a very kindly university professor, put his hand on my shoulder and said "So... do we need to find you a new job?" I responded "Not yet," But I smiled because it occured to me that if it came to that, I wouldn't be out wandering the wilderness alone.

Let me tell you something about *MY SCHOOL*... before I came here, I was in a bad situation. My first teaching gig was in a place that didn't promote good self-esteem. In fact, when I left that environment, I thought that my problems were a result of my inadequacies as a teacher. When I came to *MY SCHOOL* I had half-a-mind to leave the profession alltogether.
Then I found myself in a place where the community was infinitely more supportive and appreciative... and lo and behold, I discovered that I wasn't a bad teacher. In fact, I started to feel as if I had a lot to give. You don't go through something like that without developing a bond with said community.

So, what's angering me the most about all of this is that I'm starting to entertain thoughts about looking around... and I really don't want to have those thoughts. *MY SCHOOL* was supposed to be the place that I retired from... that I dedicated a lifetime of teaching to. I wanted to have a plaque for me hanging in the hallway just like *FORMER MUSIC TEACHER*

Furthermore, I don't want to use my resignation as a threat against P. I doubt that it would work. P would probably just go out and hire someone who was willing to do the job that P wants me to do. (Although P doesn't quite understand... very few people out there would be enthusiastic about working at *MY SCHOOL* because the enrollment and feeders are miniscule, and because the assignment pulls whoever sits in the captain's chair in six different directions. And let's not forget the fact that I'm teaching six classes and getting paid for five ) P would find someone to work here, no doubt, but quality of said person might be sketchy. No one with a reputation would touch this place. Instrumental people would be scared away by the vocal classes. Vocal people would be scared away by the instrumental classes.
To find someone who cares enough to do what it takes to make this program work... well, I don't know where they would find someone like that.

But again, P wouldn't think it was a problem. In fact, I think if I did quit, P would shave the schedule down to band only (maybe a choir class). Say goodbye to orchestra, say goodbye to AP Theory (Two classes that add considerable respectability to our program.) And the funny thing is that the integrity of the department would be flushed down the toilet.... and P would never know the difference. How do I know? I've seen it happen.... more than once.

A good friend of mine with similar values once taught at the high school of the town I lived in at the time. She was trying to maintain a sense of artistry within the program, but was meeting resistance from her administration and to an extent, from some of the students and parents involved. Finally she got fed up and quit... moved her act to a new high school opening up in the next town. So the school re-hired a guy who used to be the band director there about a decade before (a horrible hack of a teacher)... and the band went from playing decent repertoire back to bad arrangements of movie themes and out-dated pop songs.

Once, when my pep band was visiting during an away football game, this guy invited me to watch his field show from the press box. I was up there watching an embarassingly bad 50's rock medley set to drill, when the principal bursts in, shakes the director's hand and proclaims "My God! the band is BACK... in SPADES!" I had to pull a fake coughing fit to hide my reaction.

And what happened to my friend?... she now runs one of the best band programs in her area, and has probably the only orchestra within a thirty mile radius. And her old school never missed her...

But then she never had a reason to look back. I do. I know I would be missed. Missed by the people who count. And I also know I'd be letting go of the glory that *MY SCHOOL* could have been.